boostpw Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Backstory: My friend Lee and I were friends for about a year before entering a casual relationship. We split amicably when life took us in two different directions and we lost touch. Fast forward to now...About a year ago, Lee and I crossed paths again when he and his fiance (he is now recently married) joined a sports group I am a member of. His wife doesn't know of our history to my knowledge, but we (all three) have become friends. I'm content being his friend and his marriage status kicks him off my radar completely. Still, I can't help but wonder due to his recent behavior weather or not the feeling is mutual. I'm just not used to this much attention from a guy who wasn't interested. A few examples... -For awhile now, we have talked daily online. He always initiates--often as soon as he signs on and sees me on--unless I have something related to our group to let him know about then I will. None of our conversations would make his wife uncomfortable. Sometimes we talk for 15 minutes, sometimes for a few hours. His wife works in the day and he works mids, so is home alone (or with her son) during the day. We don't talk on weekends or when she's at home, which I attribute to him being busy with her and her son. As far as I know, she knows we talk--I doubt she knows how often or how much. -A couple of times he has asked for my help on projects he could pretty easily accomplish on his own. I end up going to help out and leave wondering why he needed my assistance in the first place. -A couple of weeks back, he was inviting me over for training (sports group) pretty much daily--sometimes just to hang out. Once he invited me over on a Friday night for movies and beer, I was under the impression that it was a group thing and accepted. Turns out it was just him, his wife and I. Awkward!! And, surprise, his wife didn't know I was coming ON THEIR DATE NIGHT until right before I showed up. He has not asked me again!! -He is generally an introverted guy, but has been involving me with his day to day life. I usually know whats going on, what his schedule is, how work went--sometimes before his wife finds out. On the flip side, he doesn't discuss martial issues or deeply intimate things with me. We get along well, joke often and his wife teases that we "gang up" (in a funny way, not at all mean spirited) on her when together. Our friends say we "share a brain." While he does tease me often, we don't ever touch/hug/etc (would be awkward for me) and he is very affectionate towards his new wife. Maybe I am over analyzing but I'd appreciate a fresh set of eyes. Whats going on in his head? Should I outright ask him?
EcstasyX6 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 I don't think I'd ask him anything. I'd just gracefully bow out. If he is saving you for a potential hook up in the future, he's not going to fess up. The date night thing and daily communication is way over the top for a newly married dude, even if he is affectionate with his wife and hasn't mentioned sex. In fact, he should have told his wife about your past before all this started up if he was really honest, to see if she was comfortable with the two of you being friends. I definitely would even run something like that by my bf. "We get along well, joke often and his wife teases that we "gang up" (in a funny way, not at all mean spirited) on her when together. Our friends say we "share a brain." A little troublesome. Sounds like the beginnings of an emotional affair.
Author boostpw Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Thank you for the insight, I really appreciate it.
Author boostpw Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 A little update... Ecstasy was right. He made a pass at me yesterday. We had a talk afterwards where I told him under no circumstances would we be FWBs again, I wasn't going to be an OW. His attitude was surprising...he acted like it was no big deal ("no biggie" "I wish you had told me earlier" ..huh? ... "don't worry about it"). He acted more like I had brought the wrong dish to a community pot luck rather than just refused the advances of a recently married man. Needless to say, distancing myself is in order. Still, I find myself scratching my head. Any thoughts on his lackadaisical reaction? He said he would stop and respect boundaries, is anyone buying that?
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