Soulmind Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 This is the situation: I've been dating exclusively this lovely (and extremely intelligent/senior lecturer in a very famous University) guy for around 2 months. All is good, he is really committed to me and I couldn't ask for more! Well... I could. There is just one thing that is bothering me. He has a tendency to be a little bit effeminate. His voice is soft and some movements are effeminate (hands etc..) He is a great lover and partner, but it is in those few moments when he does these effeminate movements when I just can't stop thinking that maybe he could be Bisexual? Now, last weekend he had his Danish friend (He is Dane himself) visit him over here. (UK) He warned me that he was going to be scarcely in touch those days because of him (He was wanting to go out with him etc..) Even though, he did send me a text on one of those days saying that he was missing me. When we saw each other again, he told me that his friend had slept with him on his bed...because the couch was not big/long enough. I'm an open minded person, but still I felt strange. Jokingly, I suggested that his friend was "gay" but he said that his friend was the straightest person in the world. Are there any tell tale signs that I could "read" that will help me to prove to my self that I'm wrong?? Otherwise he is a nice guy! Oh, another thing that is strange on him. He always wears black shirts/jeans. He buys the same black shirt all the time, he must have 50, but he always looks the same! I don't mind though, he is clean and smells lovely! Any thoughts?
Lauriebell82 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 When we saw each other again, he told me that his friend had slept with him on his bed...because the couch was not big/long enough. I'm an open minded person, but still I felt strange. Jokingly, I suggested that his friend was "gay" but he said that his friend was the straightest person in the world. That's a little weird IMO. I don't think my fiance would be caught dead sleeping in the same bed with one of his friends. He could be metrosexual, my ex boyfriend was definately metro. He cried a lot and had a soft voice. Your boyfriend's wardrobe doesn't sound THAT weird to me, but the friend thing does. I would think that if his friend was the "straightest guy in the world" he wouldn't want to wake up in some other dude's bed. Just my two cents though. Sorry if I made you more paranoid!!!
ADF Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 You just need to ask him. But for the record, most straight guys would sleep anywhere--on the floor, in the bathtub, in their car--rather than in a bed with another guy.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 You just need to ask him. But for the record, most straight guys would sleep anywhere--on the floor, in the bathtub, in their car--rather than in a bed with another guy. Yeah. I just asked my fiance if he would ever sleep in the same bed with one of his friends and his response was "HELL NO." But yeah, I agree that you should ask him.
Awesome Username Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Every university lecturer I've ever known has been a sexual freak; the more prestigious the more off the scale. It's that perfect mixture of being ultra-liberal and having control of hundreds of minds that puts them into a Rasputin-like frenzy of colorful ways to be sexual. My vote is that he's not bisexual - he's omnisexual.
Author Soulmind Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Thanks for your comments guys! I'm panicking now so to speak... Now I need to think how to ask that question without upsetting him (because I could be totally wrong!)
TheLoneSock Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 How metrosexual is he? Does he stay clean shaven, take more than 30 seconds to do his hair/pay for 30 dollar haircuts, and dress like he wants to be seen all the time? If you said yes to more than 1 of these, he's probably a metrosexual- in which I've seen a direct correlation between that and guys who are bi or bi curious. Not saying all metrosexual guys are feminine to the point of bi curious, just saying, I've seen a correlation. Think about it.
Author Soulmind Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 How metrosexual is he? Does he stay clean shaven, take more than 30 seconds to do his hair/pay for 30 dollar haircuts, and dress like he wants to be seen all the time? Hmm... YES. He always keeps this stubble shaving look, uses a hair dryer and some hair's mousse. He has a little bit longer hair than the norm, but stylish...Oh.. no! He is metrosexual! Now, I think I'll need to follow through his movements now, how sad is that? It would be a shame if I find that he is bi because he is an absolutely good partner.
TheLoneSock Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I posted without reading everyone elses responses, I should have. I just reiterated what a previous poster said about him probably being metro. It could mean that he's just a really femenine guy, not fully bi. Some guys just have less testosterone flowing through them. The only way to find out truely though is to talk to him.
justforfun Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Thanks for your comments guys! I'm panicking now so to speak... Now I need to think how to ask that question without upsetting him (because I could be totally wrong!) Why panic? What if you are totally wrong? It's not an insult to ask someone if they are gay. Being gay isn't something terrible to be accused of. Why would you assume he would be upset? For the record I dated someone who was omnisexual. He was honest and open with me. But he was an honest and open person. We weren't dating exclusively. We were moving towards that but circumstances got in the way. My only expectation in a serious relationship would be that he is faithful to me. If a guy is attracted to blonds and brunettes then I don't expect him to cheat on me with the other. It doesn't sound like he is being faithful. Putting his sexuality aside. His behavior was highly suspicious and I would be looking at the issue of fidelity.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 What does omnisexual mean? The same as metrosexual?
justforfun Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 What does omnisexual mean? The same as metrosexual? No. Pansexuality, or omnisexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others. For others, an individual's sex, gender expression, or gender identity can be a key factor of attraction, despite the pansexual individual's wide range of sex and gender attractions.
Lucky_One Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Not all countries are as homo-phobic as the US. What is the big deal with a guy sleeping in a friend's bed? Women do this all the time.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Not all countries are as homo-phobic as the US. What is the big deal with a guy sleeping in a friend's bed? Women do this all the time. Ya know, that's an interesting point. Since they are both Danish it might be a cultural thing? Maybe he doesn't even realize that something like that would freak you out...
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Not all countries are as homo-phobic as the US. What is the big deal with a guy sleeping in a friend's bed? Women do this all the time. Do you know any guys who have slept in bed with another man and neither was bi or gay or the guy was a sibling ? I don't.. and although I agree with you about the whole homo-phobic thing I also know that the other posters are correct in that most straight men would not be caught dead in bed with another man let alone immediately tell the girl that he is having sex with of that fact the next time they speak. They call that a red flag.. I think if anything the guy is experimenting or he is bi and just hasn't told her yet...
Author Soulmind Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 It doesn't sound like he is being faithful. His behavior was highly suspicious and I would be looking at the issue of fidelity. Why do you think that he has been unfaithful to me? We don't like chatting on the phone or text. (We only use mobile phones to confirm dates etc..) We both enjoy emails; and due to the fact that he was not going to be near to any computer on those days (when he went out with his friend) he couldn't communicate as much. And I am really OK with that, sometimes I do the same. But maybe I'm been naive. My concern was that maybe he likes men as well, but, on the subject of infidelity, the strange thing is that I don't feel he has been cheating on me. (I have a good sixth sense regarding to cheaters) Unfortunately, I didn't develop very well ANY sense concerning detecting bi/gay people ~unlike the case when it is extremely obvious. I'll need to observe his actions more closely before jumping to any conclusions ( about if he is gay/bi/cheater)... Or maybe I'll ask him about it as some have suggested here.
Author Soulmind Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Ya know, that's an interesting point. Since they are both Danish it might be a cultural thing? Maybe he doesn't even realize that something like that would freak you out... Yes, I thought in that indeed, Danish people are definitely more open minded than other countries. And if I take into account than I'm Argentinian, where the culture still has the label of "macho" on average guys... but, saying that still I'll need to observe him more.
NewSmyrnaBeach Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Typically, if you find him IN another dude then that would be a pretty clear indicator. If he looks forward to watching Dancing With the Stars more than you do, then that could also be a pretty good sign. And why in the hell would you want to date a guy that you think might be gay? Good luck with your witch hunt!
Lauriebell82 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Why do you think that he has been unfaithful to me? I think the observation by justforfun was more that he was with his friend and was out of touch AND slept in the same bed with him. The circumstances are a little fishy. I don't think it was meant that he has been continuously cheating on you for a long period of time. The fact that he told you about it may be his guilty conscious and he wanted to see how you would react. HOWEVER that is all just speculation and guesses. We don't know that any of that is true. I'll need to observe his actions more closely before jumping to any conclusions ( about if he is gay/bi/cheater)... Or maybe I'll ask him about it as some have suggested here. Rather than investigate, just ask him.
Lucky_One Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 The only time I can think of adult males sleeping in the same bed was on a hunting trip to Colorado, where there was two double beds in one room in a fireplace-only cabin. I slept in one bed with my H, and our friends slept in the other bed. I think they would frozen to death sleeping on the floor, though. But it has also never come up in conversation with other guys that I can think of. Denmark has had same sex marriage legalized since 1989; this could indicate that the country just doesn't have the same hang-ups that other countriesm or it could indicate a more laid back feeling towards homo and bisexuality. But honestly - this is a LOT of supposition on a man who has given no indication of being attracted to men. I would be more thinking about bisexuality if my partner was wanting a lot more anal play (from me towards him) or if he only wanted oral done on him (and not on me), or preferred anal or oral over vaginal, or if he discounted my breasts. Not whether or not he shared a bed with a friend.
Author Soulmind Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 And why in the hell would you want to date a guy that you think might be gay? Because there is something about him that fascinates me, his conversation (he is extremely brilliant), his originality, and he is very reliable and caring. And..as well, he is an extremely good kisser and lover. I've been with "manly-man" guys so to speak, and I have had lots of disasters. (Of course, my opinion according to my experiences) He listens to me, he is there for me, and well...would be a such a waste if I find that he is gay/bi ...
Lauriebell82 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Because there is something about him that fascinates me, his conversation (he is extremely brilliant), his originality, and he is very reliable and caring. And..as well, he is an extremely good kisser and lover. I've been with "manly-man" guys so to speak, and I have had lots of disasters. (Of course, my opinion according to my experiences) He listens to me, he is there for me, and well...would be a such a waste if I find that he is gay/bi ... I understand what you are saying. Metro/omni sexual guys usually ARE a lot more attentive, sensitive, good listeners. My ex boyfriend was like that. Unfortunately he had issues of his own. I don't think he's gay. If he still wants sex with you and is a good kisser/lover than I doubt he is. He sounds metro.
jw90063 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 He could be dating you in attempt to hide the fact that is he gay. Just a thought. Hopefully that is not the case.
NewSmyrnaBeach Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Because there is something about him that fascinates me, his conversation (he is extremely brilliant), his originality, and he is very reliable and caring. And..as well, he is an extremely good kisser and lover. I've been with "manly-man" guys so to speak, and I have had lots of disasters. (Of course, my opinion according to my experiences) He listens to me, he is there for me, and well...would be a such a waste if I find that he is gay/bi ... Trust me, there are still plenty of us out there that will listen to you and be there for you...but the difference is that we will change the oil in your car for you too!!! But hey, if that's what you are into....
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