Ms. Joolie Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 So I've been all over LoveShack this week. The reason is that recently I've ended - really ended - a three year on and off relationship. The story behind the relationship would be too long, and I'm just not going to go through that right now. haha. But it's such a gorgeous Texas autumn day today, and I feel so relieved at the moment... because I broke down and cried. It's been so hard trying to get this guy out of my head. It NEVER WORKED. He met me at a difficult time in my life. He met me when I was 24. I had a lot going on AND I was only 24. Okay fine. So I'm only 27 right now, but I'm in a much better place here on earth now at this time. lol. The thing is that he was my first real love as an adult, or maybe just my first real love period. And that is just what I've realized today, and what is making me break down. He meant so much to me! I am SO sad it's over. And I'm just venting now, and coping with it. And venting. haha. He was just what I saw as man that I could love, and be with. I hoped we would be together... well, forever. I only dreamed that we would be married someday, but that dream has no place in reality. It just doesn't. ******************************************************** So I really thought this guy was MY guy, my ONE. sigh. Then I turn around and realize he was just my first real love. sigh again. Have you really been in love, and can we really love again? I know I can and will fall in love again, but I am wondering if perhaps it is human nature to just really fall in love with only one person per lifetime. Whether or not it works out. Please enlighten me.
wondering_girl Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 hi ms.joolie - i'm sorry we're all going through this - did you end the relationship? i don't really have much advice but just want to let you know - we're on the same boat, i dated my ex-bf for 4 years and we never really said goodbye, it all ended in SILENCE.... he was my FIRST LOVE too, and i can relate to what you said, he was my first real love as an adult.. i've been with him since i was 22..... i'm 26 now, i'm SO sad and last night, i cried and broke down just like you did - it's friday and i MISS him deeply. and i really thought, he was the ONE. what happened?
angelface78 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Girls i feel the same. Wondering girl you know my story. Ms. Joolie...i understand. I was with my ex since i was 26 lasted 5 years ...im 31 now..yes and it sucks. Especially since we were engaged...and now its like im 31 and i feel like i wasted the bestyears of my life. Im the type of girl that works out and takes care of herself. I dont look 31 atall. People think im 23 or so...but still i really am 31 and feel like....now what? I still want marriage and kids...but with who??? There are people that want to date me buti just cant get over my ex. I really loved that jerk. hang in there we will get better.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) Hi, wondering girl! Gosh, it just makes me feel so sad but then better that so many people go through this! Do you know what I mean? Here YOU are going through the same emotional pain. wow. It was just a stalemate ending for me and the ex, a sort of mutual consent that we had reached the ending. Yes, I think the important thing for you and me, wondering girl, is to realize that we are just at the beginning of our love life. It definitely was beneficial to me to learn in this relationship, and I hope it was for you too. It's not over for us yet! My closure with him is there as well. How about you? You ended in silence?? I'm just worried about your closure. Unless that's what your at LoveShack for. Edited October 23, 2009 by Ms. Joolie
Author Ms. Joolie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Girls i feel the same. Wondering girl you know my story. Ms. Joolie...i understand. I was with my ex since i was 26 lasted 5 years ...im 31 now..yes and it sucks. Especially since we were engaged...and now its like im 31 and i feel like i wasted the bestyears of my life. Im the type of girl that works out and takes care of herself. I dont look 31 atall. People think im 23 or so...but still i really am 31 and feel like....now what? I still want marriage and kids...but with who??? There are people that want to date me buti just cant get over my ex. I really loved that jerk. hang in there we will get better. You are ONLY 31, you mean. So many men, men who are serious and want to be in a relationship, look for women in your age group! And I know this.... and I know that we have so many more years ahead of us and all that... but it's that getting over the ex stuff. I'm scared with my new theory, which is why I asked the question... is it possible that we only really love once? If so, then it is up to us to just put away that dreamy kind of love and decide to commit to a relationship when the opportunity presents itself. If that's what we want. Or we could stay single, and do great things. That's how I see it.
angelface78 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 No you can fall in love many times. And we will all fall in love again. The thing is it will NEVER be the same as with our exes. Every love is different. We may love a new guy more or less...but it wont be the same and thats the sad part. Every relationship is unique and can never be duplicated. Thats why its hard to go outand date because weare so used to our exes and anything different just puts us off.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 No you can fall in love many times. And we will all fall in love again. The thing is it will NEVER be the same as with our exes. Every love is different. We may love a new guy more or less...but it wont be the same and thats the sad part. Every relationship is unique and can never be duplicated. Thats why its hard to go outand date because weare so used to our exes and anything different just puts us off. I'm going to miss the love we had. I am coping with the fact that it will not be duplicated. At the same time, thank you, you made me realize that there are new loves to discover. Of course, right? New loves with new men.... haha. That sounds a little ridiculous but I hope you know what I'm getting at. Maybe even a better love, one more suited for me... even though I did love the ex.
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 You fallen in Love already once before... Obviously you have the capability of Loving and being loved. It's a rare quality, and I GUARANTEE you will Love again....mark my words...REMEMBER I told you this, and when it does happen (as I said, I guarantee it) you will be smiling beyond belief, because you know that you have that inside of you.... If I could make it more black and white, I really would, but that is all there is too it. We don't find love, love finds us when we are ready to be found.... I felt the same way as you about my ex.....now I have met someone who is better looking, better lover, better connection -spiritually/emotionally and mentally....I thought my ex was my soul mate, the one...now the new person has made me see why it never worked with anyone else. We don't find love, love finds us when we are ready to be found.... Keep working on yourself, you are doing a great job
angelface78 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 hahaha...bring on the new men!! hahaha...yeah definetly better suited for us...but its still hard to be here..IN THIS MOMENT...not loving these new men yet..hahahaha!
Author Ms. Joolie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) You fallen in Love already once before... Obviously you have the capability of Loving and being loved. It's a rare quality, and I GUARANTEE you will Love again....mark my words...REMEMBER I told you this, and when it does happen (as I said, I guarantee it) you will be smiling beyond belief, because you know that you have that inside of you.... If I could make it more black and white, I really would, but that is all there is too it. We don't find love, love finds us when we are ready to be found.... I felt the same way as you about my ex.....now I have met someone who is better looking, better lover, better connection -spiritually/emotionally and mentally....I thought my ex was my soul mate, the one...now the new person has made me see why it never worked with anyone else. We don't find love, love finds us when we are ready to be found.... Keep working on yourself, you are doing a great job I will mark your words. Thank you so much. And you know, I know that love is really all around us, we don't have to find it. It's my belief that we just have to open our hearts to love. So, yes, when we are ready to be found, love will find us. I agree. My heart is closed off to romantic love at this time... but I know it won't be forever. It will last only as long as I want it to last. I know that I can open my heart to a new love. Of course I can. But will I? Now THAT is the question! The thing with me is that I keep myself so busy otherwise.... honestly, there is so much more to life than romantic love. I know this. I live this way. Romantic love is NOT one of my priorities! It's an accessory, or luxury. Correct me if I'm wrong. haha. Okay, how about this.... Romantic love is an enrichment. But, yeah, I don't want to be lonely. And I WANT a man in my life! Edited October 23, 2009 by Ms. Joolie
Author Ms. Joolie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 All three of you have already helped me to process this so much! Thank you. Many times I don't take the opportunity to share what I'm going through, and so I don't have the great fortune of other people helping me through it, and learning from them. I'm hoping I can break that habit.
wondering_girl Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) hi ms.joolie - i believe that we'll love again, i do believe that, but just like you, i'm sooo not ready for that right now....but like angelface said, i'm 26 and i really thought this was IT, i guess i was wrong........ i didn't think i have to date again since i was so used to US...... last night, i broke down - i was putting away scrapbooks, old pics, and everything, wow i've never felt sooo hurt and i realized that since i love him SOOO Much, i had to learn to let him go.... as painful as it is, the world is soo different without him.. but time will heal right.... as far as the silence thing, angelface can relate to this as well, my post on here is - silent break up under break-ups if you have some time to read - just a summary, had a petty argument and he pulls the silent treatment deal... its been 2 months since our issue and took his silence as the END.... it's AWFUL.. after 4 years? ughh heard from him on and off but i've decided i'm not taking anymore crumbs... some days i wish he'd come back, some days i don't.... thanks for listening guys.. ms.joolie, we're all here for you.. sharing the pain do you girls have any plans this weekend? to me wkends are the worse Edited October 23, 2009 by wondering_girl
Author Ms. Joolie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 as far as the silence thing, angelface can relate to this as well, my post on here is - silent break up under break-ups if you have some time to read - just a summary, had a petty argument and he pulls the silent treatment deal... its been 2 months since our issue and took his silence as the END.... it's AWFUL.. after 4 years? ughh heard from him on and off but i've decided i'm not taking anymore crumbs... some days i wish he'd come back, some days i don't.... thanks for listening guys.. ms.joolie, we're all here for you.. sharing the pain do you girls have any plans this weekend? to me wkends are the worse No big plans... a couple of classes and that's it. I'm a low key gal. I'm actually looking forward to not missing him this weekend, and looking forward to having a new outlook on the whole thing! ....all because of LoveShack. lol I promise I'll go over your thread. I want to listen to your story, and I hope you don't mind if I share any thoughts. Have the best weekend possible, okay??
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 ah you sound like such a wonderful person!!!!!!
angelface78 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Wondering Girl, Im finally gonna get out of the house. I feel you on the weekend thing...they are horrible. Ive been laying in bed for 3 months on the weekends. All my friends are married. Myself and another friend were the only ones with boyfriends...well i was engaged. Now im single..it sucks. Im going to go get my nails done and a pedicure. Gonna get my hair trimmed and colored. Like i said i like to look good and lately ive been looking like crap. Im not doing that to myself anymore. Im getting out of bed if it kills me. My anxiety attacks are less frequent...over all its an improvement! It takes sooo long!!! What are you doing?? You should try to do something nice for yourself. Little baby steps.
SoConfusledandHurt Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Ms. Joolie, you will absolutely have love again in your life...the next relationship will be even better because of what this one taught you about yourself and what you want. Thats the way Im looking at it. The hardest thing for me is not knowing what is around the corner as far as my emotions go...since last night I havent gotten sad about the break up or really even angry (and I just spent 3.5 days in depression over it!) Ive just been thinking to myself that he must be crazy and has issues, and Im SO excited about going out and meeting all the people (men ) as possible...Ive posted online ads for friends and have like 20-30 messages a day there, so Im sure I can find something to take my mind of my ex...as he really doesnt deserve any of my attention at all with the way he has behaved! Im not sure the exact details of your relationship/break up but I think your right in my other thread when you say it is just the pain of our choice to break up we are dealing with, because break ups are a confusing and hurting time. You were also right when you said if he wanted me, he would do anything to have me...and Ive even given him the chance...its obvious he had a change of heart about our relationship and sounds like thats kind of what happened in yours too(both of you had a change of heart?) Im not sure...but it can mess with your mind. All your dreams and love feels just...GONE...it can make it hard to trust ever again...but I say...if you are smart and date until you click with someone and really build up trust in that person before moving forward...its possible to fall in love with someone and build a whole new exciting life with them...Love is really truly about being able to trust the other person...and thats hard to think about right after a break up...I know I had a mental break down about it for a few days...my trust was broken and I was thinking I would never be able trust again...but just know...if you play your cards right...if your meant to fall in love again...you will, and if not you will fall in love with yourself and be happy single! Yes you will fall in love again! I dont know about you, but Im going out on as many dates as possible over the next month LOL! Woo Hoo...Im a single lady...
wondering_girl Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 hi ms.joolie, i'm a low key gal too - usually not a going out type of girl but that's how me and my ex hung out on the weekends a good movie, some wine, and that's about it.. but now i really need to pick up the pace and start trying different things.... hi angelface..... i need a mani and a pedi too baddd!! - most of my friends have bf's or married too.. not sure what's going on this wkend as of yet... that's good that your anxiety attacks are less frequent - those are awful!! i still clearly remember those waking up at 5 am with my heart beating SOOO FAST..it was HORRIBLE.... do you still have those sometimes? ahhh, i stayed in bed most of the weekends too sometimes i get depressed like wow really i laid this long.. ? I realized all of my FREE TIME was spent with him which was a bad MOVE......i've learned from that.. have a good weekend girls, i'm gonna be checking in here though, thanks for listening.......... **********HUGS**********
Malenfant Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Have you really been in love, and can we really love again? I know I can and will fall in love again, but I am wondering if perhaps it is human nature to just really fall in love with only one person per lifetime. Whether or not it works out. Please enlighten me. oh definately you'll fall in love again, have no doubt. My first love was so intense, and i felt i'd never feel that way again after it ended... years passed, I was with someone after that for a number of years, I did love him but not in the same way, that relationship ended. I was very low, feeling like I had spent all my love, but then I met my H and it was a revellation, as I fell in love just like the first time, only better. the best is yet to come for you i'm sure.
cdt76 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 We don't find love, love finds us when we are ready to be found.... I felt the same way as you about my ex.....now I have met someone who is better looking, better lover, better connection -spiritually/emotionally and mentally....I thought my ex was my soul mate, the one...now the new person has made me see why it never worked with anyone else. We don't find love, love finds us when we are ready to be found.... Keep working on yourself, you are doing a great job How do we make ourselves ready for that new love? God....I pray for that like it was the last breath I take.
Thebob Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Sounds painful! go have a girls night out! get things off your chest, talk to friends and family and they will help you get through this. It's not over, you need to move on now and stay strong! Go buy new clothes then go get ready and have fun and meet other people! Try and get your mind off of him as much as you can. KEEP NC and everything will be over sooner than later. Hope this helps Thebob
Bulldozed Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Well, I have a question for the women. My gf and I split at the end of August. On the night, she pushed us to take a break for a while, nothing permanent...I asked her this much. Instead she wanted to focus on her job as she was struggling....re-calibrate her life...etcetc. I wasn't the least bit put off by this. I was actually real supportive figuring it would be a good time for us to work on ourselves for a time. We've been together for over 2 yrs...good friends for over 15 yrs. In late July we were discussing her moving in before the holidays as well as wedding stuff, as us being together, married one day was an afterthought with us and those around us. Flash forward 3 wks after our talk in August, and I find out she's seeing her friends recently divorced ex-husband...of course the former friend of 20yrs will have nothing to do with her. I was in Vegas in mid september and had the opportunity every night to hook up with a woman (not a pro either)....try as I might, mentally and physically I couldn't do it. I've never been one to sleep around, especially when I'm in love and committed to someone. How is it so easy for her to not only destroy a friendship with a woman whose wedding she stood up in, and hop in bed with a new guy? I can't fathom that, considering what we were discussing just prior to us taking a break? It's not only taboo what she's doing, but how on earth can she actually be doing this. She's traded down on so many levels, I can't even begin to get into it....
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