NoIDidn't Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I understand the arguments that her looks are irrelevant, but I hope that if I put my marriage, my wife and kids, the rest of my family, my career, my future, and possibly my life at stake: That I'd at least do it for someone I could look at in the morning without considering gnawing my arm off. I can't disagree with you here. If my H is going to cheat, I hope it is with a woman that I considered attractive. And I am putting this out there, my H did have an EA about five years ago. I saw pictures of her. I can vouch for him. He did not cheat "down", LOL - er, uh, *whew?* LOL
Fallen Angel Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I don't know if you meant this to be funny or not, but it made me giggle. I hope that when I am all the things you mention above that somebody still wants to bump uglies with me too. I did intend it to be humourous, glad someone got that other than me. I am trying to laugh to keep from crying... not working out so well, but hey, I give myself an A for effort anyway.
tami-chan Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I understand the arguments that her looks are irrelevant, but I hope that if I put my marriage, my wife and kids, the rest of my family, my career, my future, and possibly my life at stake: That I'd at least do it for someone I could look at in the morning without considering gnawing my arm off. ...LOL...I'd say! omg...this is too funny! thanks, GT!
Author Impudent Oyster Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 I agree with snowflower, certainly, in this case, "looks" did not matter...but that's more reflective of the cheater's er...'taste', or "choice" or "preference"... Impudent Oyster, I am not familiar with your story, but did your spouse cheat on you with someone who is ugly? No, she was very attractive, almost as beautiful as me, but that's about all she had going for her. Turns out she was somewhat desperate and a bit of a stalker.
tami-chan Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 No, she was very attractive, almost as beautiful as me, but that's about all she had going for her. So your husband is the exception or are you kidding yourself?
mybrowneyedgirl Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 look. if my H was to cheat she'd better be twice as hot as me. dont downgrade to someone who i think is *less* than me. (and i dont me less or person or anything like that, we're talking looks here) i was much younger than his wife, but i still think she was pretty attractive. shes beautiful, smart, an amazing mother and wife. to me i think he must have thought pretty highly of me to risked someone so wonderful.
TogetherForever Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I understand the arguments that her looks are irrelevant, but I hope that if I put my marriage, my wife and kids, the rest of my family, my career, my future, and possibly my life at stake: That I'd at least do it for someone I could look at in the morning without considering gnawing my arm off. OMG too funny GT!!!
TogetherForever Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 look. if my H was to cheat she'd better be twice as hot as me. dont downgrade to someone who i think is *less* than me. (and i dont me less or person or anything like that, we're talking looks here) i was much younger than his wife, but i still think she was pretty attractive. shes beautiful, smart, an amazing mother and wife. to me i think he must have thought pretty highly of me to risked someone so wonderful. You (or a bs) might think the affair partner is a downgrade but the wayward spouse thought differently.
Spark1111 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Beautiful women get cheated on all the time! I believe it has less to do with how physically attractive a person is, and more to do with how that person makes the cheater FEEL about themselves, IMHO. Looks, size, shape, age, would appeal to a certain type of philanderer, but I do not believe that is why the vast majority step outside the marriage.
PhoenixRise Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I think in a case like this where a person loses their mind over what is essentially a shallow relationship it has more to do with deep insecurity and extreme low self esteem than it has to do with physical appearance. After all there are some very beautiful, very insecure women in the world who react in extreme ways when/if they are rejected. Having said that.......I agree with the poster who stated that IF you are going to cheat, you should cheat with someone who is on your level physically, financially, career wise, etc. You should find someone who has as much to lose from the affair as you do.
angie2443 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 You (or a bs) might think the affair partner is a downgrade but the wayward spouse thought differently. The OW here was twenty years or so younger than the H and W. I think many men would consider this an upgrade.
HarmonyHope Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I'm not sure whether this is sad news, or not news at all: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.today/index.html
Holding-On Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I'm not sure whether this is sad news, or not news at all: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.today/index.html Why is it sad? It is just a discussion. More balanced than most. The article compares pure monogamy to violin concerto playing, fluency in language and other beautiful things. It also referred to the downsides of polyamory ("polyagony") and the finishes with some upsides to monogamy. I didn't see the sugar coating of things. What I found annoying was the "Americans are so harsh" cliche. I'm not an American. I live here however. Americans may have harsher opinions than other first world industrialized nations (also no socialized health care). It seems to me that at least a good quarter of the world has insanely harsh opinions on adultery. Killing, stoning people (almost always women). Throwing women in jail for being raped!!? On the upside I was happy to hear that 500,000 families are also polyamorous. Today I feel I'm on the cutting edge.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Why is it sad? It is just a discussion. More balanced than most. The article compares pure monogamy to violin concerto playing, fluency in language and other beautiful things. It also referred to the downsides of polyamory ("polyagony") and the finishes with some upsides to monogamy. I didn't see the sugar coating of things. What I found annoying was the "Americans are so harsh" cliche. I'm not an American. I live here however. Americans may have harsher opinions than other first world industrialized nations (also no socialized health care). It seems to me that at least a good quarter of the world has insanely harsh opinions on adultery. Killing, stoning people (almost always women). Throwing women in jail for being raped!!? On the upside I was happy to hear that 500,000 families are also polyamorous. Today I feel I'm on the cutting edge. For the last couple generations Europeans have been a total failure. They can't even reproduce. Why should we Americans look to them for any kind of inspiration or guidance? I've been to Europe and the people are nice... but it's like a giant outdoor museum. It's clear their time has long passed.
Holding-On Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 For the last couple generations Europeans have been a total failure. They can't even reproduce. Why should we Americans look to them for any kind of inspiration or guidance? I've been to Europe and the people are nice... but it's like a giant outdoor museum. It's clear their time has long passed. I think scaling back our reproductive rate IS a success. Somehow I bet you wouldn't say the Chinese are a failure and that is what they have done. With technology you don't need as many laborers, if you pull back on reproducing you will still have enough material goods to go around where everyone can have a good life. If we keep producing people at our current rate few of us will have a good life. Resources will limit us. This is happening to a degree in the US (where we still reproduce quite handily) and in many African, Asian/Middle Eastern and Latin American countries where people reproduce like rats and end up living jam packed together in horrible conditions. Not what I call success. In my opinion Europe is more of a soon to be "failure" than say China because they are too complacent and don't protect their sovereignty but that is a thread all on its own.
2sure Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Part of the worst insult to me of my H's multiple infidelities was who he had them with. But the upshot of that is that it confirms without question that I am too good for him.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I think scaling back our reproductive rate IS a success. Somehow I bet you wouldn't say the Chinese are a failure and that is what they have done. With technology you don't need as many laborers, if you pull back on reproducing you will still have enough material goods to go around where everyone can have a good life. If we keep producing people at our current rate few of us will have a good life. Resources will limit us. This is happening to a degree in the US (where we still reproduce quite handily) and in many African, Asian/Middle Eastern and Latin American countries where people reproduce like rats and end up living jam packed together in horrible conditions. Not what I call success. In my opinion Europe is more of a soon to be "failure" than say China because they are too complacent and don't protect their sovereignty but that is a thread all on its own. If your not growing... your dying. That is how life works. Europe is dying. The only way they can keep up is by importing muslims. So, you see they are not doing anything intelligent beyond creating a society that is so depressing that they don't even want to bring children into it. They compensate by dragging in foreign laborers and treating them like serfs. I do agree that expensive labor creates innovation, but there are many areas where cheap labor will always be required. Also, on the idea of socialized medicine sounds good... and it works Ok in Europe... but there is absolutely no way our government would be able to implement that and make it work here. They are way too stupid. Maybe politicians in Germany are smarter, or know how to make things move efficiently. Not in America. Our politicians are mentally handicapped.
Holding-On Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 If your not growing... your dying. That is how life works. Europe is dying. The only way they can keep up is by importing muslims. So, you see they are not doing anything intelligent beyond creating a society that is so depressing that they don't even want to bring children into it. They compensate by dragging in foreign laborers and treating them like serfs. I do agree that expensive labor creates innovation, but there are many areas where cheap labor will always be required. Also, on the idea of socialized medicine sounds good... and it works Ok in Europe... but there is absolutely no way our government would be able to implement that and make it work here. They are way too stupid. Maybe politicians in Germany are smarter, or know how to make things move efficiently. Not in America. Our politicians are mentally handicapped. I would like to think that there are ways to grow, to innovate as a society beyond merely reproducing biologically. Thanks UF but Last T/J - I promise!
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I would like to think that there are ways to grow, to innovate as a society beyond merely reproducing biologically. Thanks UF but Last T/J - I promise! Fair enough. I'm sure there is a range of things in there we would agree on. I think this thread was jacked from the start though.
Author Impudent Oyster Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 So your husband is the exception or are you kidding yourself? Neither, she was a downgrade and a brief fling. Almost not worth mentioning. I know my husband refers to her as "the psycho" or "my biggest mistake". Draw your own conclusion.
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