jallen19 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Ok....so long story short. My ex left me because I took him for granted. I made all the classic mistakes at first. Finally after I cut off all contact for 2 weeks he called. Everything was great he started bringing some of his things back home etc. We were apart for 2 1/2 months. Ok so we were going back good for about a week....but I made the mistake of pushing him for a full on commitment again way too fast. I believe this made him pull away. He would still refer to us as "we" in our future together etc. He told me last night that it was going way too fast and that I was stuck up his ass too much....which I was. We hadn't argued at all the whole time we had been talking again and he was so happy. My question is if I show him that I can still be in a relationship with him but not smother him....will he come back again? I'm terrified that I jumped back in too quick and pushed him away. Please help. What should I do. Also he hasn't seen anyone else the entire time we've been split up....and I know he loves me. I think he's just scared of losing his "freedom".....will he come back. Guys please help!!!!
star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) Hi there i am in the exact same position (why has he left me post) and although i am not back with my ex i can feel myself asking the same thing, if i do this ot that will he come back? i have learned that there is no answer. i know the desperation you feel you want someone to tell you it will be ok do this and he will come back and then you are scared for someone to say forget it he is never coming back,. i am doing the whole no contact thing and it lasted for a week then failed, now the 2nd week i am 100% commited to the no contact as it is not only the best for him but for me. What i have learned is that you never know what the other person is thinking. And if he has freaked out that is NOTHING to do with you, either someone wants to take responsibility for someones feelings or not , and your ex like mines is in a place where either he cant or wont. i think you should stick really hard to no contact, its so hard and so painful believe me i know but do it! You need to let him miss you, maybe by rushing into things he has not really seen what life is like without you, you know? Also if you read my post someone really hit the nail on the head. He/she explained that i was the more mature one and able to face up to my feelings and responsibilities and he isnt. So you need to ask yourself maybe i dont want to be with someone like that or i cant be with them untill they sort themselves out. Also when someone leaves we think about how we feel and rightly so, because we have a right to hurt. But think about him, if you were him would texting and contacting make you want to come back? i mean why bother if you are at his beck and call. Read my post answers it might help and i hope this helps too! hug Edited October 23, 2009 by star23
GrayClouds Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Ok....so long story short. My ex left me because I took him for granted. I made all the classic mistakes at first. Finally after I cut off all contact for 2 weeks he called. Everything was great he started bringing some of his things back home etc. We were apart for 2 1/2 months. Ok so we were going back good for about a week....but I made the mistake of pushing him for a full on commitment again way too fast. I believe this made him pull away. He would still refer to us as "we" in our future together etc. He told me last night that it was going way too fast and that I was stuck up his ass too much....which I was. We hadn't argued at all the whole time we had been talking again and he was so happy. My question is if I show him that I can still be in a relationship with him but not smother him....will he come back again? I'm terrified that I jumped back in too quick and pushed him away. Please help. What should I do. Also he hasn't seen anyone else the entire time we've been split up....and I know he loves me. I think he's just scared of losing his "freedom".....will he come back. Guys please help!!!! My suggestion: So you want a second chance? Be open but for now focus on making yourself more independent and try to understand why you were pushing so hard.
Author jallen19 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 my suggestion: so you want a second chance? be open but for now focus on making yourself more independent and try to understand why you were pushing so hard. yes i do want a second chance very much so. My problem is how do i show him that we can have a relationship and that i wont smother him. He wanted to try again and was very openly discussing our future. Just last night when he told me that things were moving too fast.....i asked him "do you think that we will ever get married like we had planned?" and he answered with "yes, but im not ready. I thought i was but its just too fast". I believe that he loves me and see's most of the changes that i've made. My weak point is i always want to be with him and i understand that he needs his "guy time". How do i show him that i will compromise and let him still have his freedom?
star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 How do i show him that i will compromise and let him still have his freedom? why should you compramise? did you tell him he couldnt go out with his friends? did you fall out with him if he did?
Author jallen19 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 I used to argue with him before we split up 2 1/2 months ago....when we were trying things again this past week I didn't argue with him at all....but I was however with him everyday all day other than when we were at work...which in hindsight i can see how that could be irritating. Also, he still has stuff at the house we had together and our bills are still combined....possible that he still sees a future....just afraid of the commitment....i know he's associating being in a relationship with me as being controlled and giving up all freedom....this isnt true but i can understand how he would think that....thanks for your time
star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 hmmmm i can see how being with someone all the time can cause alot of tension. But it seems he is craving "guy time" which has never been an issue previously. i know what you mean about having some of his stuff and him having some of yours. Thats the same with my ex and i often cling on to the hope that he has not returned it so maybe he does not want to call it a day. Im not sure if there is reason in that but also someone said to me sometimes it is not about posessions its about getting out of the situation id try to stop thinking about what every little thing represents(bloody hard i know and im still doing it) you dont know what he is thinking and neither does anyone else. Stick to nc it will make you feel like the more emotionaly controled, which does help alot. You will have set back and cave as did i, but by pestering him and constantly making contact i can assure you he wont come back. He knows how you feel, he knows he can have his freedom and by giving this so called freedom he may soon realise he wants you back. Although be prepared that he may never come back.
Author jallen19 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 In your opinion though...how does it look? Does it look as if he doesnt want me....or that he just needs some space? Just looking for a second opinion.....
star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 its hard to tell guys are soo much different from girls. Girls like to but things out there, spill all their emotion and tell it how it is. some guys not all just see tunnel vision. He maybe cant see the bigger picture ie what life is really like without you. The only way that MIGHT make him relaise this is nc. It will also help you, after a few months nc you might realise you dont want to be with some who is so unpredictable
GrayClouds Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 In your opinion though...how does it look? Does it look as if he doesnt want me....or that he just needs some space? Just looking for a second opinion..... Is he with you right now? Maybe he doesn't want you. Maybe he is not the right guy for you...maybe you be happier with a guy who enjoys less space, being a tight two some? Right now the only thing you can control is yourself. My problem is how do i show him that we can have a relationship and that i wont smother him. Again focus on yourself,spend this time learning to enjoy your time alone, learning new hobbies, finding things you enjoy outside a relationship. That way you will be better girlfriend and more content no matter what he decides.
star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Right now the only thing you can control is yourself. QUOTE] great advice!
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