Author salem mark Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Clep, one question does he call you daily?
Clep Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Clep, one question does he call you daily? Most of the time. It might be just to say he is thinking of me and won't have time to talk to me till another day, but he does let me know daily he thinks of me. Sometimes...well often it is a thirty second call, or I call before I go to bed to say goodnight. If I don't call sometimes I won't hear from him and vice versa. We both run our own business so we are very busy. Since we have all those other things in place, if we don't get a chance to call it isn't a big deal. We are confident that the other must be so swamped and we usually feel badly for each other of how buy each of us must have been not to get a chance to call.
Author salem mark Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Most of the time. It might be just to say he is thinking of me and won't have time to talk to me till another day, but he does let me know daily he thinks of me. Sometimes...well often it is a thirty second call, or I call before I go to bed to say goodnight. If I don't call sometimes I won't hear from him and vice versa. We both run our own business so we are very busy. Since we have all those other things in place, if we don't get a chance to call it isn't a big deal. We are confident that the other must be so swamped and we usually feel badly for each other of how buy each of us must have been not to get a chance to call. this is my point you want in effect 24/7 contact, even though its not set in concrete as if you both agreed on it
Author salem mark Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Most of the time. It might be just to say he is thinking of me and won't have time to talk to me till another day, but he does let me know daily he thinks of me. Sometimes...well often it is a thirty second call, or I call before I go to bed to say goodnight. If I don't call sometimes I won't hear from him and vice versa. We both run our own business so we are very busy. Since we have all those other things in place, if we don't get a chance to call it isn't a big deal. We are confident that the other must be so swamped and we usually feel badly for each other of how buy each of us must have been not to get a chance to call. again the 24/7 thing, this was my original point, women want to be acknowledged daily
Clep Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 again the 24/7 thing, this was my original point, women want to be acknowledged daily So does my guy. That is both of our preference. I think in a healthy relationship both partners want to be acknowledged regularly. That isn't 24/7. It is when we have time, without pressure on either one of us. What I am hearing from you is pressure. I hear resistance to acknowledgement. What we are doing might not be for everyone, but we are together, happy and hopefully staying that way.
Kamille Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 What the hell is wrong with you women? There's nothing wrong with me, thanks for asking. And how are you? Why can't you be happy with someone? I am very happy with my partner and I make sure to let him know this. We're all lucky to find a mate, just a mate, and you have the audacity to audition men? Comments? Audition men? Not really my schtick but all the same, I don't fall in love with every schmo I date. But how about you turn this around and start being more selective yourself? Make it less about finding ways to please someone else and more about finding someone that is into making you happy? Balance my friends, it's all about balance, no matter what your gender is.
Clep Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Balance my friends, it's all about balance, no matter what your gender is. Couldn't agree more.
EcstasyX6 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I talk to my bf everyday, text and we see each other twice a week. He typically calls me more than I call him, or asks when I'm free to call him via a text message. Is there something wrong with that? We both enjoy the communication at this point. He comes from a big family, has lost both of his parents, and also talks to two of his brothers almost everyday. Some people require more communication than others. AD- I can't speak for other women, but I like a man to show leadership, and take charge sometimes. This is not a new concept. Men, I thought, enjoy leading. Ever hear of men not wanting to ask for directions? Indecisive men are annoying, and seem to want a mommy to tell them what to do all the time. I'm tired of that crap...a big reason why my marriage didn't work. It's great when my partner wants to make me happy, but doesn't become my doormat while doing so. I guess it's tough for some men to figure out, but I don't think it's that difficult. Act like a man(not a jerk), and the women will flock to you. My current bf speaks in action terms and uses affirmative words.."we will do this, you can do anything you put your mind to, and keeps the promises he makes. He is generous with me, but will not purchase things he cannot afford to make me happy because it doesn't make sense. He's available to me, but not ad nauseam. Like Clep's bf, he has his own activities and life, and is not pining away and miserable when I'm not available.
EcstasyX6 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Oh, I veered away from the OP. I'm very happy right now, and yes I left my first relationship. Men are happier because all they require is sex and a hot meal. Sorry, but women are more complex creatures. As long as they have that, all they hear from their woman is, 'waa waa waa', and reply, oh, she's just nagging as they sit on the couch watching the game with beer in hand.
TheLoneSock Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Alpha's guide to keeping a girl around would be a pretty good response thread to this. He makes some great points.
Lucky_One Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Here's another truism..... women are happiest when they're unhappy Carhill. I'm ashamed of this. You know that is as true for women as that is for men - and only for a few of them in either sex. Anyway - off to read the rest of the thread now.
carhill Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Hey, it's cranky Friday. I can't be an ice cream sundae every day Remember though, and TBF caught it first, that I tend to attract emotionally unavailable women, and they trend to the unhappy more often than not. So, that means the other guys are getting the happier ones, I hope . The more emotionally unavailable, the more they appear to crave drama, hence 'happy when unhappy'; they hate drama intellectually but are attracted to it like a moth to a flame.
Sam Spade Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 The OP's angst is based not on the fact that women can never be happy, but on the fact that keeping them happy requires solving a complex equation all the time. E.g. assertive, but not too assertive; emotionally available, but not too sensitive, hard working, but not so much that he never has time for me; financially responsible, but also spoils me; etc. etc. etc. While all guys want is a baseline happy and comfortable and uncomplicated relationship, same ol, same ol, but almost never get it, because as soon as you relax, your women will find something to be unhappy about . So, while I don't have the above problems in my current relationship, I'm aware of the possibility, so I symphatise with the "go to hell" sentiment . Go make yourself happy! I just want to watch some TV ! PS Also, fetch me a cold one and a samich !
ppge4 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 This is true about some women (and men). In fact, until recently I feel like I was that person. It's no way intentional or a reflection of you. Some people can't 'let' themselves be happy which is more often than not a reflection of his or her self esteem. I really believe that it's only when you are happy with YOURSELF that you can be in a successful relationship, otherwise you project your unhappiness on those around you...
Kamille Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I really believe that it's only when you are happy with YOURSELF that you can be in a successful relationship, otherwise you project your unhappiness on those around you... Which is precisely why we shouldn't lose ourselves trying to please others in relationship, but rather make sure that we are happy in them. In my experience, taking responsibility for my own well-being and leaving my partner responsible for his happiness in our R leads to no drama. We do speak up when something bothers us, but we don't expect each other to "complete" us and make us whole.
johan Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 This is a fascinating topic that I think merits further discussion. I'd like to meet up with you at your office, Kamille, and explore it a bit more.
Kamille Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 This is a fascinating topic that I think merits further discussion. I'd like to meet up with you at your office, Kamille, and explore it a bit more. Why yes, meet me there in ... 12 hours if you leave now?
Awesome Username Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Oh we can be happy, but you just have to do EVERY SINGLE THING WE ASK. Really though, I think that women are more likely to vocalize little things that piss them off all of the time, while men internalize it and try to figure it out themselves (for the most part) A woman might end up just as happy as a man at the end of the day, but the difference is that the man has heard about all of the stuff going through her head and she hasn't heard how it's effected him. Women can sometimes forget to thank men for the little things they do (open doors, pick up a check, help carry stuff, etc.) as well. When a guy thinks his effort is taken for granted, he'll stop doing stuff as much. Women will feel like he's pulling away, but really all you have to do is ask a guy to do stuff and thank him if he does it. Men can't read actions as well as women can; they need direction sometimes. Added to that, I believe that deep down, a lot of women are pressured to be both "business lady" and mom and housekeeper at the same time. When she is doing all of that work but not having any fun, she starts to have affairs and is miserable. In some ways, marriages used to work out more often because roles were set and not questioned. Now that a lady needs to be college-educated with a good job and all of this stuff just to get the respect she used to back when a lady could make a mean meatloaf and raise children. I still appreciate that there is a choice and I certainly wouldn't have it any other way, but with the freedom comes new issues. These days it seems like men feel less needed, women feel less appreciated or respected, and so there's this strange dichotomy between the sexes and we don't always know what to do with ourselves. The grass is always greener.
johan Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Why yes, meet me there in ... 12 hours if you leave now? Do you do that kind of thing on Saturday? I mean work. Do you normally work on Saturday?
Kamille Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Do you do that kind of thing on Saturday? I mean work. Do you normally work on Saturday? Hmmm. I will try not to take this off-topic. Why yes, as keeping myself happy involves having my own balance, I often end up, ah, working on Saturday. Truth is, sadly, I will be working tomorow. Booh. Where's the tumbs down emoticon?
RedDevil66 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Oh we can be happy, but you just have to do EVERY SINGLE THING WE ASK. Really though, I think that women are more likely to vocalize little things that piss them off all of the time, while men internalize it and try to figure it out themselves (for the most part) A woman might end up just as happy as a man at the end of the day, but the difference is that the man has heard about all of the stuff going through her head and she hasn't heard how it's effected him. . this right here hits the nail on the head and you're exactly right.
torranceshipman Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I think the best advice is to look at the common denominator - yourself - and try and work out what the issue is. Maybe you are going for the wrong type of girl, e.g. emotionally unavailable? Something else? There are so many happy couples out there, and lots of lovely, well-balanced, happy and romantic women who are looking for a loving, happy R, but it sounds like you are ending up with a different type of woman!
Lucky_One Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Hey, it's cranky Friday. I can't be an ice cream sundae every day Fingers crossed for sundae Saturday!
MoreAwesomeUsername Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Oh we can be happy, but you just have to do EVERY SINGLE THING WE ASK. Really though, I think that women are more likely to vocalize little things that piss them off all of the time, while men internalize it and try to figure it out themselves (for the most part) A woman might end up just as happy as a man at the end of the day, but the difference is that the man has heard about all of the stuff going through her head and she hasn't heard how it's effected him. Women can sometimes forget to thank men for the little things they do (open doors, pick up a check, help carry stuff, etc.) as well. When a guy thinks his effort is taken for granted, he'll stop doing stuff as much. Women will feel like he's pulling away, but really all you have to do is ask a guy to do stuff and thank him if he does it. Men can't read actions as well as women can; they need direction sometimes. Added to that, I believe that deep down, a lot of women are pressured to be both "business lady" and mom and housekeeper at the same time. When she is doing all of that work but not having any fun, she starts to have affairs and is miserable. In some ways, marriages used to work out more often because roles were set and not questioned. Now that a lady needs to be college-educated with a good job and all of this stuff just to get the respect she used to back when a lady could make a mean meatloaf and raise children. I still appreciate that there is a choice and I certainly wouldn't have it any other way, but with the freedom comes new issues. These days it seems like men feel less needed, women feel less appreciated or respected, and so there's this strange dichotomy between the sexes and we don't always know what to do with ourselves. The grass is always greener. If we (men) did ever single thing women ask, relationships would never last, it would be predictable and boring. Smart men know what really important to a woman and what's not. Some women will vocalize some of the little things that piss them off but some will live in a quiet misery on their own or find ways to make their significant other to do the things they ultimately want (usually with the help of their girlfriends) I would comment some of the other stuff you touched on but it is a slippery road. These days it seems like men feel less needed, women feel less appreciated or respected, and so there's this strange dichotomy between the sexes and we don't always know what to do with ourselves. This is pretty interesting, I kind of agree with you on this, women are becoming more independent and progressing/advancing further into the socially accepted "male" roles/positions. we don't always know what to do with ourselves. I like this line...
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