ProfeL Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Dear Readers, Since I am new to this forum, first of all let me say thank you in advance for a chance for letting me vent at this time and for your constructive feedback. I'll try to give a synopsis here: 1) We've been together for a bit over three months and we have so many of the same interests. For me the great part (and what's different from past relationships) is that that we actually communicate rather than "assume" how the other person feels. I feel we are very connected spiritually, emotionally and physically. 2) I am a sensitive guy and this has sometimes been a source of friction when dealing with women in the past. Either a) I'm not enough of a "man" because it's easy for me to express my feelings or b) My open feelings are too difficult for some women to take - they're not used to it. I don't think I'm going to change... Anyway, I am who I am and I'm "all man" (whatever that means...). I also am one who enjoys pleasing my woman to the fullest - she never has to worry about asking... 3) However, she has a REALLY hard time telling me how she feels about me. When we've talked about it, it's the "I'm not going to change now" attitude. Example: the other day after making love, she told me she adored everything about me and how I treat her and on and on. I was very taken aback and told her so because she rarely gushes like this and I was pleasantly surprised. So... Yesterday, we were both tired and we decided to go to sleep early (we're not living together but I practically stay at her house nightly). As we were falling asleep, she started telling me that maybe we should just remain friends because we're so connected but that she's not really ready for a relationship! Now, granted, she's put herself down before quite a few times and has had bad experiences with guys in the past leaving her. I've told her as many times as I know how that she has no problem with me in that department - we always communicate and therefore, we'd both know if there were a time that it had to end. Needless to say, I had no idea what to say and started to stammer something about the fact that we were tired and we both needed to rest. Then, later, we'd talk about what was on her mind. However, she kept on baiting me with the "let's be friends" crap and I told her that her fears were unfounded about me leaving if she was trying to do a "pre-emptive breakup". She wouldn't let us sleep and I started to tell her that we REALLY needed to rest and talk about this later when we were both feeling rested. Nope. She continued and I told her to please stop (nicely and quietly). I told her that I didn't want this ending up badly with me getting angry about the fact that she wasn't heeding my wishes. 4) To conclude, she insisted on talking and I told her that I'd go into the other room and lie down on the couch if she continued, which is what I finally had to do. She followed me and told me that she needed to talk and why wasn't I listening, etc. Trying to tell her that it wasn't the time to talk was fruitless. I fell asleep when she finally figured out I wasn't going to respond and then she woke me up a couple of hours later with the same diatribe. I love her but this was completely unnecessary and NOW she says this morning that she was wrong and she loves me and I shouldn't leave... Now, I'm so confused it's ridiculous. Any suggestions?
salem mark Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Profel, my advice run!! Shes already telling you goodby, do you need to to be hit with a brick, woman like to chase the guy, I know from personal experience. She is eventually going to leave, look at her actions, not what she says. Im sensitive like you and im founding out the hard way, this is reality, unfortunately
BookerT Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Watch Braveheart, 300, and Troy all in one setting and see men bloody it out like savages. Then bend her over doggy style and give her the best sex of her life. Women like men to take charge. Just do it........
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 We always want what we cant have. She was sure she had you and then didnt want you. When you showed her that you were happy to 'go' so to speak, she wants you again. This is very unhealthy and not at all well balanced. I have seen so many similar storys here. My advice to you is finish this and move to higher ground. I know it will take a lot more than just my paragraph and others' too, but I hope you will read back on this in a few months and say 'yep'
boogieboy Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Shes already dropping the hammer. This is going to keep happening to you because youre too sensitive. You said it yourself. Youre not going to change. Youre not enough of a man for women because of reasons that you already know about... so how many failed relationships are you going to go though until you realize you DONT have to wear your heart on your sleeve to have a successful relationship???
GorillaTheater Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 We always want what we cant have. She was sure she had you and then didnt want you. When you showed her that you were happy to 'go' so to speak, she wants you again. This is very unhealthy and not at all well balanced. I have seen so many similar storys here. My advice to you is finish this and move to higher ground. I know it will take a lot more than just my paragraph and others' too, but I hope you will read back on this in a few months and say 'yep' SB is absolutely right, on all counts. Do you need this crap in your life? I don't think so. This is not how a good, healthy relationship works. And call me a cynic, but I don't see it getting better.
Lucky_One Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I don't see a connection between "we really communicate" and "she really has a hard time telling me how much she cares about me, and I am pleasantly surprised when she does." You missed a prime chance here to REALLY communicate. Post-orgasm/post-coitus is a time when women feel really close and safe with their partners, and a lot of meaningul relationship talk can take place at this time. She was trying to talk to you, and you kept blowing her off because you wanted to sleep. She second-guessed herself all night and felt guilty and took over the lion's share of ownership for feeling bad that you were rejecting her all night when she needed you to listen to her, and so she apologized the next day.
Agoraphobianebula Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I love her but this was completely unnecessary and NOW she says this morning that she was wrong and she loves me and I shouldn't leave... Now, I'm so confused it's ridiculous. Any suggestions? Oh the drama!, First of all, let me ask you how old she is? Her behavior reeks of immaturity. The leave and then 2 hours later, don't leave is reminiscent of a classic dramaqueen. She doesn't want to break up with you, she just revels in emotional trauma of a rollercoaster relationship. It's nothing but an attention seeking ploy. I know!, been there.
Krytie TV Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 She's obviously broken and, unfortunately, there's little you can do to fix her.
singlegirl Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I have to agree with Krytie TV....the only way women who behave this way learn not to is by loosing lovely guys like you....I think you did exactly the right thing by trying to defer the conversation until you both had rested I think you shouldn't change, one day a lovely woman will know how to reciprocate and will be glad to find a man who is man enought to show his emotion.... If it were me I would walk away now
EcstasyX6 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 ProfeL, I was advised in another thread that my relationship was still in the honeymoon phase, and we're at 6 months, so you're really a newb compared to me. You may think you know her, but you don't yet. Not really. I think you're expecting too much, too soon. My bf and I have already said ILY, but in my mind, I'm saying, 'time will tell'. He doesn't like me to think this way, but I do, and it's the truth. Question for you: Do you find yourself involved with emotionally unavailable females? I think that really nice men like yourself, need really sweet women who are as emotional and expressive as yourselves, but it seems you're naturally attracted to women who are more exciting, and aloof, with a 'nice' wrapping. Am I right? BTW-this happens to women as well. Why is that? I have a gf, who's as sweet as pie, but she always ends up with jerks. I don't get it. How is this pattern broken? Dude, she was trying to tell you something. Please listen to her before you get hurt.
Brady_to_Moss Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I dont know much about women at all..but one thing i do know..they get crazy when you least expect it. Very emotional and thats a reason why i do not want to date.
MarieMarie Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 My opinion is that this relationship has progressed too fast, too soon for her. After only 3 months, it seems like spending almost every night with her might be too much. Maybe you could back things up and give her some breathing room? Maybe see her a few times a week and try to keep things a little more casual? Also, I would try to avoid turning every conversation into something big and emotional. I consider myself a very emotional person, but I once dated a guy who was constantly asking me how I felt and wanting to have "big talks." It was overwhelming and suffocating for me. Just my opinion though!
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I don't see a connection between "we really communicate" and "she really has a hard time telling me how much she cares about me, and I am pleasantly surprised when she does." You missed a prime chance here to REALLY communicate. Post-orgasm/post-coitus is a time when women feel really close and safe with their partners, and a lot of meaningul relationship talk can take place at this time. She was trying to talk to you, and you kept blowing her off because you wanted to sleep. She second-guessed herself all night and felt guilty and took over the lion's share of ownership for feeling bad that you were rejecting her all night when she needed you to listen to her, and so she apologized the next day. WTF? You think her pushing him away emotionally, telling him they should just be friends, and trying to get him to break up with her is healthy post-coitus bonding chat? That doesn't even make any sense. Dude - she sounds like a total headcase. I would have a hard time having a relationship with that. You're going to keep getting "tested" with her comments about being just friends and you wanting to leave. It sounds tiring to me.
Krytie TV Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Dude - she sounds like a total headcase. I would have a hard time having a relationship with that. You're going to keep getting "tested" with her comments about being just friends and you wanting to leave. It sounds tiring to me. You know OP, it may be hard, but it's OK to walk away from a "nice girl". A girl needs to be more than nice to make a relationship work. Just because she's nice doesn't mean you have no options.
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