Frankie_May Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I am a really really jealous girlfriend I don't want to be but it's like something inside me just takes over that i can't control and i can be a total b***h to my boyfriend. We have been going out for a year and a half and when we first got together everything was perfect, he was a perfect gentleman and all sorts, always telling me how much he loves me and buying me flowers, but as with most guys all this has now wore off and we are sort of stuck in a routine. Im constantly jealous of him, i hate him going to meet his mates incase they all start talking about other girls, i hate him going out clubbing incase some girl comes on to him (i trust him not to cheat as i have no reason not to, hes never cheated on me) i can't stand him going to work and talking to all the girls that work there. I am always making sly comments about all these 'other' girls being his other girlfriends. I am always asking who hes spoken to that day etc etc. I can't seem to stop myself. My group of friends are mostly guys and he has no problem with this at all. Where as i can't even stand him looking at any other girls at all. We are constantly at logger heads over this and it's really getting me down. We have some good days but when we have bad days they can get really really bad. It's at the point where if any new pictures come up on his social networking site involving anything to do with another girl i will get all mad at him. So far he has stuck with me through all of this and recently i have been trying to get over my issues (most days are still bad days) but lately i feel he just doesn't even care anymore if we stay together or not (cuz who would want a jealous girlfiend?! surley i wouldnt be a great loss to him) i don't want to break up with him because i love him and i see him in my future but i've been thinking that just getting it over and done with and just breaking up for him would be easier for him?! HELP!! i can't really afford counselling but is there any other options? Any books anyone recommends to read?
Ronni_W Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I am a really really jealous girlfriend I don't want to be but it's like something inside me just takes over that i can't control and i can be a total b***h FM, The good news is that you recognize your maladaptive behaviour and want to change it. The bad news is that there isn't anyone else inside of you [so] Any growth/healing work that you undertake will necessitate that you acknowledge that you're choosing to act like that. Because, if you don't take personal responsibility then it will always feel as if it's outside of your own control to change. There's nothing wrong with having an 'Inner Bitch', but your life will run smoother once you start to manage her instead of letting her control you. It's a bit more challenging to do as strictly self-help but...see if this article by Hal & Sidra Stone grabs you: http://www.delos-inc.com/Reading_Room/Articles/37/37.html They developed 'voice dialoguing' as a way to learn about various "parts" of ourselves...inner critic, inner bitch, et al. Of course, yes, you could just dump him...but you'll still have the baggage of your unhealed stuff to drag into your next relationship so that's not really a long-term solution to the problem. Best of luck.
carhill Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 My group of friends are mostly guys and he has no problem with this at all. Once you find out why this is, you will have your answer. My prediction is that the why will be a somewhat painful revelation. How old are you?
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