Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I feel so panicy I'm sorry for posting again! I just feel like I need some validation on the whole month thing
caramel c Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I know I need to look at at it as forever and I'm really trying. But is he? Has he agreed on the month as he is unsure about the break up? You don't know and we don't know. The appropriate question is what are you going to do TODAY, and TOMORROW to try to keep your mind off of this? I am requesting a detailed report. Thanks.
caramel c Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I feel so panicy I'm sorry for posting again! I just feel like I need some validation on the whole month thing You aren't going to get validation for that. Keep repeating this to yourself: I don't know what next month will bring, but this month I am focusing on ME.
caramel c Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 And listen, my ex FINALLY came back but guess what? He is not in a good position to GET me back. I still don't KNOW for sure what the outcome will be until 1. I am happy in love with someone else or 2. By the grace of God, he gets himself together to properly ask for another chance and I am willing to give him one. #1 is way more likely. I am not spending my emotions on #2. I suggest you try and do the same.
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I know I do just need to concentrate on me! But do u think he is missing me as much?
caramel c Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I know I do just need to concentrate on me! But do u think he is missing me as much? Again, we don't know...please refer to my previous 3 posts! Where is my report? lol
symbol Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I know I do just need to concentrate on me! But do u think he is missing me as much? For many people it's very hard to confront the people they're leaving directly and they seem to find ways to make it easier for THEM. You just can't wait for a month hoping that he'll come back. And honestly, and this is going to sound harsh but I think denial hurts one more in the long run, if he were missing you as much, he would be next to you right now. My ex and I had a long-distance relationship and he broke up with me over the phone. I begged him to come and visit me so that we could talk about our relationship face to face. He said he was too busy at the moment but he PROMISED me he'd come and visit me when he had time in the following few weeks... That was 4 years ago. I never heard from him... You have to accept that it's over and act accordingly. Hanging on to false hopes prolongs the pain. Let it go...
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I know I do just need to concentrate on me! But do u think he is missing me as much? Hello star, I'm sorry you are going through this. You gotta stop thinking about him, no matter what those thoughts will only get you in deep hole that you won't be able to get out. Keep yourself busy. Well done is better than well said.
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Aw I know I need to let go! I think its cause its the weekend and he would be here with me but he is not I'm just sitting alone wondering if he is thinking about me. But if he was he would let me which is so hard to accept!
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I know I do just need to concentrate on me! But do u think he is missing me as much? Aw I know I need to let go! I think its cause its the weekend and he would be here with me but he is not I'm just sitting alone wondering if he is thinking about me. But if he was he would let me which is so hard to accept! It's not easy but for your own good you gotta let it go. Been there done that, believe me it won't do you any good.
symbol Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Aw I know I need to let go! I think its cause its the weekend and he would be here with me but he is not I'm just sitting alone wondering if he is thinking about me. But if he was he would let me which is so hard to accept! It's the weekend and you need to have fun! Call a friend, go outside, and take your mind off your ex! Sitting in front of the computer trying to find answers to questions that most likely don't have any answers that would satisfy you is not what you should be doing right now!
caramel c Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Aw I know I need to let go! I think its cause its the weekend and he would be here with me but he is not I'm just sitting alone wondering if he is thinking about me. But if he was he would let me which is so hard to accept! You need to get out of the house. Call somebody and make plans right now.
caramel c Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I'm going to church soon. If you're still here when I get back you're in trouble missy.
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I think I'm upset because I went on his fb and he is talking about how he sold his decks and he is sad about it! Its like that's the saddest thing to happen to you !?while I'm sitting miserable!
symbol Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I think I'm upset because I went on his fb and he is talking about how he sold his decks and he is sad about it! Its like that's the saddest thing to happen to you !?while I'm sitting miserable! You're doing this to yourself! You're prolonging the pain yourself! It's likely because you think if you stop grieving, you'll lose all hope for reconciliation... But believe me, it's just the opposite. You got to go NC, which means no phone calls, no emails, no IMs, and no FB!!! Why don't you just get off FB for a while, until you feel better? If you can't live without FB, then you can just "defriend" your ex. But I KNOW you won't want to do any of these because, as I've said before, you'll think by doing these you'll be closing the door for reconciliation... Believe me, I feel your pain. I felt like that when my ex broke up with me. It took me several YEARS to get over him and the pain of the break up. The earlier you accept it's over and take measures to start your life over, the lesser the pain...
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I know I need to leave fb alone for a bit. One day I accept its over and tell myself do I want a man that can hurt me so much but then I get days where I feel like I'm back to where I was 2 weeks ago! I just keep thinking about him with other people or whatever. And panicing that I will never be over him untill I find someone else?
symbol Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Actually you won't find someone else until you're over him... So, work on yourself right now. Focus on your needs and wants (that are independent of your ex). Treat yourself as you would treat a lover. Pamper yourself, be kind to yourself, etc... And make yourself your priority!
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I know I need to keep that thought in my head! I just wish I felt better now!
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) Part of what your going through is a chemical response to the situation. It is the same reaction as the one when you are in danger. It is the fight or flight or fight response. Your brain is desperately looking for a way make you feel better, it trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together to make sense. If your cognitively aware that this is just a rush of chemicals in your brain it is easier not to give into it and stay grounded. It is time to think that the month is just a easily let down. You should understand it is over and work to accept that. Do that by compete NC; no talk , text, facebook, ect. NC and find a way to work that energy in a healthy productive way. I am sorry for your lost, now take care of YOU And if you still want to go down this line save yourself some typing and just read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206713/ And this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206116/ Then this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206946/ You will get there, how long it take is up to you. Edited October 24, 2009 by GrayClouds
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 So the minth thing is just a way to let me down easily and not to sort things out with his job etc ?
symbol Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 So the minth thing is just a way to let me down easily and not to sort things out with his job etc ? Yes, it is...
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Ouch why tie himself into that then? Why not just say its over! Its like at the start when we first broke up he ask to stay in contact on my terms when 2 days before he tol me to leave him be? Is he not confused about what he wants? Or am I clinging again!
symbol Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Ok, put yourself in his shoes. You want to break up with someone and you know this will hurt that person quite a bit. You know you'll feel extremely guilty for hurting someone you once cared about. You would want to postpone facing that person and the hurt you cause, wouldn't you? It takes a lot of courage to face someone and tell them you don't love them anymore and witness the pain you cause. Not everyone is that courageous. Unfortunately these people don't understand that they cause even more pain by giving false hopes. There are so many people on LS who went through what you are going through. I was one of them. Save yourself the extra pain and try to come to terms with the breakup. And I'm sorry if what I say is too harsh but it's the reality.
symbol Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 After my breakup, I wrote this quote on a post-it note and put it where I could see it all the time. It helped me, maybe it will help you too: "No satisfaction based upon self-deception is solid, and however unpleasant the truth may be, it is better to face it once and for all, to get used to it, and to proceed to build your life in accordance with it." by Bertrand Russell
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I know ur right so what do I do? Do I delete him from fb, what would he think if I done that tho?
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