GrayClouds Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 What if after a month he contacts me and does not say that? do i ignore him or will this make him think i have moved on? If he does not say that, then it does not matter what he thinks about your NC. Read this: So you want a second chance?
Author star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 yeah your right, i guess im just scared incase i never hear from him, but i guess that lets me know its done and i cant control it anyway so why stress
GrayClouds Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 yeah your right, i guess im just scared incase i never hear from him, but i guess that lets me know its done and i cant control it anyway so why stress It facing the reality the the relationship is over. That naturally frightens everone of us in the beginning but over time as you start to heal the scared slowly becomes confidence. NC is a the way to get there. And your already starting to get it. Congrats and good luck.
Author star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 i know i am digging here for an answer but listening to everything going on, what do you think the chances are he will contact me? like whats your gutt feeling
McGrupp Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 i know i am digging here for an answer but listening to everything going on, what do you think the chances are he will contact me? like whats your gutt feelinghonestly none of us know. i could tell you he will def call. and you could feel good for the night or the weekend. or i could say there is no way and that will crush you. so, really, i mean what do you want to hear? ill tell you this; you are in a far better situation then i am, where i broke NC so many times. so dont break it, increase your chances, and work on yourself. try to let him go and follow that 2nd chances link to a T. thats all
Author star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 yeah i know that such a silly question, i guess im trying to ask is am i doing well/ the right thing/ and most importantly who has the upper hand? because at the moment it feels like him which drives me mad
McGrupp Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 give yourself the upper hand. with indifference and NC.
Author star23 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 not the upper hand that sounds harsh, i think i feel is he missing me at all? does he find this easy , thats what i mean
GrayClouds Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 give yourself the upper hand. with indifference and NC. Yes Focusing on him and the break-up takes control from you. By focus on yourself and your actions working past the pain gives the upper hand to you. It will allows you to get stronger and heal from the break-up. If you take this time to try something new, learn a hobbie, reconnect with friends, workout and get fit, you are using this experience to grow.
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I'm struggling a bit with the nc today! But I know I won't txt its not worth it! All I keep wondering is does he miss me?his flatmate called me yesterday to see how I was going. He said the ex was really quiet! Does that mean it is effecting him as much as me? X
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Ok so I read the so you want another chance and going to do my best to follow it. One thing it pointed out is that if someone is feeling rubbish about themselves they struggle to feel happy about anything else! Is that's what maybe happened here? My ex says he feels like a failure and will only bring me down. So can he not love me because he can't love himself? Do you think if he starts to feel better about himself he will feel better about us? Sorry for going on guys I feel I need to post it here or ill blow and txt him
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Ok so I read the so you want another chance and going to do my best to follow it. One thing it pointed out is that if someone is feeling rubbish about themselves they struggle to feel happy about anything else! Is that's what maybe happened here? My ex says he feels like a failure and will only bring me down. So can he not love me because he can't love himself? Do you think if he starts to feel better about himself he will feel better about us? Sorry for going on guys I feel I need to post it here or ill blow and txt him None of that matters, right now the relationship is over. Thinking about him will not bring him back, figuring out his issues will not bring him back, understanding why he made the choices he did will not being him back. And none of this things will make YOU feel better by thinking about it. It very hard not to but focus on what you need right now. Spend this energy on yourself. After you reread this: So you want a second chance? and then read The No Contact Guide Tell me what kind thing are you going to today to remind youself how great of a girl you are?
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Yeah I have read both and I know what they say is right and I know what I need to do! Admit its over and stop thinking! But its hard, I don't know maybe I'm thinking my Circumstances are different. I keep look at it as not a fall in our relationship but I fall on how he feels about himself. Therefore its different but I guess I need to accept that it happens all the time!
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Yeah I have read both and I know what they say is right and I know what I need to do! Admit its over and stop thinking! But its hard, I don't know maybe I'm thinking my Circumstances are different. I keep look at it as not a fall in our relationship but I fall on how he feels about himself. Therefore its different but I guess I need to accept that it happens all the time! The only way to stop the obsession of thought is not give into to it. I really hard, but when it comes forces yourself to think of something else. That will last about 2 seonds but in time it will be w minutes, then 2 hours, then 2 days... So tell me what kind thing are you going to do today to remind yourself how great of a gal you are?
carhill Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 his flatmate called me yesterday to see how I was going. He said the ex was really quiet! Does that mean it is effecting him as much as me? X That's not NC. Don't take/make communications from/with his flatmate.
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 So tell me what kind thing are you going to do today to remind yourself how great of a gal you are? Its sound ridiculous but I can't think of anything not one thing! I'm trying to tidy up, loose myself in a film but I just get upset!
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) Its sound ridiculous but I can't think of anything not one thing! I'm trying to tidy up, loose myself in a film but I just get upset! And maybe that is why the relationship did work, You spent the time making him feel better about himself so you di not have to think about what you want in life. Good news now you have time to do just that and as you do you will be a better partner no matter who is in the future, Is there a somthing you always want to do? Time to start working out? How about a new hair cut, new hobbie, Or hang out with that old friend you have not seen in a while? Go buy yourself that gift you been wanting. Go walk the park or go for a run and then go to that place with the best chocolate pie and treat yourself. Everything you start to think about him ask yourself that question and then go do it. Edited October 24, 2009 by GrayClouds
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Ok I will. Just one more bit of analysis and ill shut up! He says he still has feelings for me and that they have not changed but yet we split up? So does that prove he doesn't? And if he agreed to the whole month thing does that mean he is not wanting to give it up just yet? I know you can't read his mind but I feel I need someone to tell me straight you know x
caramel c Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 star 23 your situation is very similar to mine. I'll spare you the details but my ex broke up with me in june, he'd been having severe anxiety issues with physical symptoms as well. Our relationship was at its peak with no issues, we had a special bond and up until the last week he broke up with me he was leading me towards the future together. I found out he was battling this terrible disorder, and it was bigger than his love for me. He swore up and down it has nothing to do with me or our relationship, that there is nothing about us that wasnt working for him. He didn't want to drag me through what he was going through. Then a month later he called to tell me this again (that he didnt break up with me because of ME, he didnt stop loving me, he was hurting even more than me), that he was going to therapy and to ask for a friendship while he did this. I said no, I couldn't do it. I wished him well and reminded him that he had my help & support while we were together, but since he broke up with me I couldn't do it. JUST THIS SUNDAY after 4 months being broken up and 3 months after that call, he called again saying he couldnt get over me, he wanted another chance...and you know what he's STILL not ready for that. I don't see or hear the confidence yet that he can do this and that what needs to change had changed. So now, back to NC. I have no idea what will happen and I'm so sad...but I have a life to live and SO DO YOU. All we can do is move forward with or without them but PLEASE LISTEN to these guys you do NOT want to contact him. If he's going to miss you and want you it won't be because you are constantly in his face. He didnt forget about you. Furthermore, you have to somehow face the reality that its over and just believe he's not coming back. If you don't do this then you will continue to feel this way! You have to get better too! Girl, we are in this together alright!
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Likely he is just being kind and trying to let you down easy. Or he is being selfish and wants to keep you on the hook just in case he finds being single is hard or if that girl he has his eye on really is not interested in him. or he just whats to dick you around. Question do not lead to answers they lead to more questions. Now back to what matters how are you going to be kind to yourself today? SEE HOW HARD YOUR WORKING TO AVOID THAT SUBJECT????????????????????????????? Focus on what matters and what you can control.
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Thanks carmel your right your situation is just like mine and knowing that it happens everywhere makes me realise the odds are we won't get back together which is hard! But the best way to deal with it is nc! I need and will stick to it! Thanks graycloud it hard to hear but I think actions speak louder than words and untill he shows how he feels for me I have to assume That his feelings have changed and are not as strong as mine. ? X
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 Getting there but why agree ti the whole month nc then? Just to make me feel better x
caramel c Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Honestly, you should plan on NC forever. If the small chance occurs that he makes an attempt to get you back you have NO IDEA when that would be. So, count on forever starting now. I'm sorry!! I know how hard that is to deal with. Just do it.
Author star23 Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I know I need to look at at it as forever and I'm really trying. But is he? Has he agreed on the month as he is unsure about the break up?
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