ltkenbo Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Ok so I am dating this girl in one of my classes (I am 20 years old) at school. I talked to her for a while and got to know her before asking her out. Anyways, we have gone on a couple dates and are hanging out again next week. We're not boyfriend-girlfriend yet, but I really like her and she really likes me which I can tell since she asked when I would be able to hang out again. In past relationships I have tended to be clingy and I'm really trying to work on this. I want to make her pursue me more than I am her and I know one way to do this is to not be so clingy and to back off some and make her miss me think about me etc.... However, I don't want to seem to passive because then she might be turned off or think I don't like her. So where is the happy medium here? Any other tips to get her to really want me more would be appreciated also. And when I say want me more, I am talking about her missing me or thinking about me...
Trojan John Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Ignore her and only return ever 3rd or 4th phone call.
Krytie TV Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) You seem to be on the right track except maybe one thing. Instead of wanting her to pursue you more than you pursue her, why not make it a point to give as much as you get? Expecting her to do more than you reeks of hypocrisy. Essentially, just try to make small adjustments in your behaviors (though it may be very difficult). If you call her, don't call again until after she has returned it, barring some important reason to call her again. If you want a woman who reciprocates, you need to show her early that you expect that. If we are clingy at the beginning, they learn very quickly that they have to apply no effort, and unfortunately act accordingly. This is not limited to one gender by the way, it's a human tendency. Be deliberate. Each action only need be done once until reciprocated. And PLEASE, do not use gifting and treating as a way to her heart. You will lose. Also remember one thing that can never be denied. Many people take a looooong time to grow up. Expect this challenge in life. Edited October 23, 2009 by Krytie TV
Bumble Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Those ideas that you should ignore her and be offish to keep her guessing will only backfire. She will see it as a mixed message, think you aren't interested, and keep moving right along. I never deal with people who like to play games, nor do many people these days, and it doesn't seem like that fits into your personality anyway, so just forget about that. You need to be completely honest about yourself. Think about it, if you did something that didn't fit your personality, she'd technically be attracted or turned off by someone who isn't you. You don't want that. What I would do is talk to her honestly. I know that probably scares the crap out of you, but it seems to be the most genuine thing for you to do. You could start off by saying, "I'd really like to talk to you about something" as a way of getting her attention and not shocking or surprising her. Then you could follow up with "I really like you (and would like to start dating) and I was wondering if you felt the same way". This kind of dialogue will give her a no-nonsense, no-games message from you, and that can be very attractive. People like being secure, knowing where others stand, and what they can expect. People hate rejection and the possibility of being led on (which is what ignoring her phone calls would do). If you're upfront and honest with her, that could make her feel comfortable enough to "pursue" you. Good luck!
Clep Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 You seem to be on the right track except maybe one thing. Instead of wanting her to pursue you more than you pursue her, why not make it a point to give as much as you get? Expecting her to do more than you reeks of hypocrisy. Essentially, just try to make small adjustments in your behaviors (though it may be very difficult). If you call her, don't call again until after she has returned it, barring some important reason to call her again. If you want a woman who reciprocates, you need to show her early that you expect that. If we are clingy at the beginning, they learn very quickly that they have to apply no effort, and unfortunately act accordingly. This is not limited to one gender by the way, it's a human tendency. Be deliberate. Each action only need be done once until reciprocated. And PLEASE, do not use gifting and treating as a way to her heart. You will lose. Also remember one thing that can never be denied. Many people take a looooong time to grow up. Expect this challenge in life. Sounds like a good plan to me. Very well said!!
boogieboy Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Those ideas that you should ignore her and be offish to keep her guessing will only backfire. She will see it as a mixed message, think you aren't interested, and keep moving right along. I never deal with people who like to play games, nor do many people these days, and it doesn't seem like that fits into your personality anyway, so just forget about that. You need to be completely honest about yourself. Think about it, if you did something that didn't fit your personality, she'd technically be attracted or turned off by someone who isn't you. You don't want that. What I would do is talk to her honestly. I know that probably scares the crap out of you, but it seems to be the most genuine thing for you to do. You could start off by saying, "I'd really like to talk to you about something" as a way of getting her attention and not shocking or surprising her. Then you could follow up with "I really like you (and would like to start dating) and I was wondering if you felt the same way". This kind of dialogue will give her a no-nonsense, no-games message from you, and that can be very attractive. People like being secure, knowing where others stand, and what they can expect. People hate rejection and the possibility of being led on (which is what ignoring her phone calls would do). If you're upfront and honest with her, that could make her feel comfortable enough to "pursue" you. Good luck! Oh HELL no. Thats a sure fire way of scaring her away for sure. You two are going out on dates, I hope youve kissed already. You know she likes you, you like her, she knows that, the only thing you have to worry about is making sure you only contact her 1:1 like the other poster said. Dont wear your heart on your sleeve, she wants to earn it. if you tell her you like her, which she already suspects, you ruin the challenge for her. Youre doing fine. Work on HER cues, when shes comfortable enough to proclaim she really likes you, then you can reciprocate.
Author ltkenbo Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) Some pretty good advice from some people. some of those I don't agree with and some don't apply. Some of the advice didn't make sense cause I already know she likes me cause we have gone out, have kissed more than once, held hands, just since this is new and everything I don't want to be a turn off. I also know she really likes me cause last time after our date when I was leaving her house she seemed really eager about asking me when I was free again, and when I kissed her on our first date I went in for the kiss but she kept it going for a good 10 seconds and started using a little tongue :-). Yeah I guess I wasn't asking for her to pursue me more than I do her but what I meant was more equally. Edited October 24, 2009 by ltkenbo
Soul Bear Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Start making a lot more money... :laugh::laugh:
MalachiX Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Here is the best advice which I heard from Paul Beteny in an interview. "The first time you spend the night together, put nicotine patches all over her body while she sleeps. Then, before she wakes up in the morning, take them all back off. The loss of all that nicotine during the day will make her feel that she's craving something and thus, IT MUST BE YOU!" That's how Beteny said he got Jennifer Connely to marry him. It should definatly work....or perhaps kill her if you use to many patches.
Bejita463 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Here is the best advice which I heard from Paul Beteny in an interview. "The first time you spend the night together, put nicotine patches all over her body while she sleeps. Then, before she wakes up in the morning, take them all back off. The loss of all that nicotine during the day will make her feel that she's craving something and thus, IT MUST BE YOU!" That's how Beteny said he got Jennifer Connely to marry him. It should definatly work....or perhaps kill her if you use to many patches. Interesting.
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