He was mean to his dog!

[spookie]

One thing I thought reading this thread was, why did you need to ask him if he beat his wife?

 

I would never think to connect divorced with abuser. Nor would I ask someone I was dating if he ever hit someone - in my book, that is so wrong that I assume the answer is "no".

 

Were you abused, by any chance? If so, perhaps you are paranoid about looking for signs of abuse in others.

 

Alternately, maybe you asked, because of aspects of his personality which struck you as controlling and/or aggressive.

[gfto]

We then discussed various forms of discipline to use which he was open about, but said his dog was hard headed, and he'd given up trying other methods assuring me again that he didn't really hurt him. Whew!! I'm so relieved.

I don't even know where to start.

[Treasa]

I'm an animal lover, so I don't really care if it translated into humans - the abuse of the dog alone would be enough of a dealbreaker.

 

So he slammed the dog, but didn't slam him TOO hard? Uh...I don't even know what to say to that.

 

"Well yeah, I slapped my infant, but I didn't slap her HARD."

 

It just sounds ridiculous.

[harmfulsweetz]

You shouldn't 'punish' a dog if it has an accident. Accidents will and do happen! Yes, you can say 'naughty dog' and give it a stern look while cleaning up, before taking them out for walkies, people need to remember that whilst you can train dogs to go outside etc, there will nearly always be slip ups, times when the dog can not do that (when owner out all day). My dog is 7, and still does it occaissionally, not so much, but telling him off and punishing him for something natural is stupid.

 

I would get out quick, I don't care if the dog got up from and wagged happily, he shouldn't have hurt him at all. Slamming his body in a crate? Eh, I would have slapped my boyfriend for doing that, before trying to remove the dog from him. If that's how he disciplines his pet normally, I daren't think of the poor thing. Find out if he does it regularly, and report him to your local animal services. I would.

 

You do seem frightened of him, why? Is he threatening towards you? If you have an issue with him, you shouldn't have to work up the nerve to tell him.

[EcstasyX6]

I've got a friend who also hits her dog when he does something he shouldn't do. She is a very nice person who would never hit anyone. She just does not know how to deal with a dog. If you watch TV programmes about mis-trained dogs, you see that behaviour all the time. Either people are too soft with their dogs or too harsh.

 

I would not draw too many conclusions from this and talk about it to him. But be vigilant and check how he deals with people who annoy him. Also, try to find out what the reason is of his divorce.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words WIP. This is how I view the situation. We've since discussed the discipline issue a couple of times, and he has modified his behavior because of my reaction to what he did. He loves his dog, but believed in corporal punishment. When I admonished him, he pulled back and listened to what I had to say. The next time the dog did something, he simply verbally scolded him, and put him in the laundry room without any roughness.(again, I've never witnessed any of this-we were on the phone).

 

Personality wise, he's very assertive, and I think he has quite a temper when wronged from a couple of scenarios he told me about, but then so do I. I don't see it as a problem, and I've never seen him angry.

 

"One thing I thought reading this thread was, why did you need to ask him if he beat his wife?"

 

As a woman, I just want to know. I think I'd ask any man who I date seriously who's divorced if he'd ever slapped or laid a hand on his ex-wife, but I'd also ask many other questions realizing that you're always only going to get one side of the story. Obviously, the ex will have a completely different take that most likely you'll never get to hear.

 

You do seem frightened of him, why? Is he threatening towards you? If you have an issue with him, you shouldn't have to work up the nerve to tell him.

 

I'm not at all frightened of him, and he's never ever threatened me, but I'm not sure where that's coming from. He's been nothing but sweet and romantic. The dog incident is the only thing that has ever concerned me about his character. I think I mentioned earlier, that I tend not to be confrontational, and sometimes it takes me a minute to bring up topics with people I care for. More to do with me than him.

[sedgwick]

If I am ever there witnessing abuse, I will stop it. I don't have a problem doing that.

 

But you did witness it, and you didn't stop it.

[crazy_grl]

 

"One thing I thought reading this thread was, why did you need to ask him if he beat his wife?"

 

As a woman, I just want to know. I think I'd ask any man who I date seriously who's divorced if he'd ever slapped or laid a hand on his ex-wife, but I'd also ask many other questions realizing that you're always only going to get one side of the story. Obviously, the ex will have a completely different take that most likely you'll never get to hear.

 

I wondered the same thing as spookie. Frankly (and I don't mean to be insulting), that's a weird thing to ask a guy. There's some comedian that has a joke about how that should be something that goes without saying. It's something like: You should be suspicious of any man that declares he's never laid a hand on a woman. That's like declaring he never sh*ts on the floor. You know something's wrong there.

 

Of course, you asked him, so he had to answer. But I think it's strange that you ask men that. Even if they have hit women, I doubt they'd be honest about it. I'm curious if any man has ever told you he has.

[EcstasyX6]

I wondered the same thing as spookie. Frankly (and I don't mean to be insulting), that's a weird thing to ask a guy. There's some comedian that has a joke about how that should be something that goes without saying. It's something like: You should be suspicious of any man that declares he's never laid a hand on a woman. That's like declaring he never sh*ts on the floor. You know something's wrong there.

 

Of course, you asked him, so he had to answer. But I think it's strange that you ask men that. Even if they have hit women, I doubt they'd be honest about it. I'm curious if any man has ever told you he has.

 

You're not insulting me. I guess we think differently that's all. I've known 2 women who were physically abused. If he's asked me had I ever slapped my husband, threw things at him, I wouldn't be insulted. I'd just say no, that's all.

[EcstasyX6]

But you did witness it, and you didn't stop it.

 

No. I mentioned it twice. I wasn't there. He told me about what happened on the phone.

[D-Lish]

Hey E.

 

I have 2 dogs, I love them like crazy. I remember dating a guy I quite liked. One night we were watching a movie and my dogs (little westies) were cuddled in our laps. I got up to go to the kitchen and halfway there I turned back to ask him something, only to turn the corner and see him shove my dogs off the couch "get outta here".... That's what he said.

 

It wasn't a gentle shove- it was rough.

 

I LOST MY MIND!

I kicked him out so fast and ignored him for good.

 

Control issue, that's what would run through my mind about your bf and this incident.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Indeed. I thought he seemed too good to be true, but I hope there are no more major surprises.

 

I thought about this all day, and was anxious to see what your replies would be. He says he loves me. So I thought about saying something like, "if something that you did really upset me, would you stop doing it?" I'm expecting it will be a yes, then when I tell him, if he acts like it's not a big deal after I explain how much I love animals, and that I find his acts cruel, I don't know what I'll do. My heart was literally aching over this. He seemed like the man of my dreams. I'll also explain that he could seriously injure his dog whom he has said in the past he loves. If we live together in the future, I'd want to stab him if he did anything hurtful to my dog. After my divorce is final, I plan to get a german shepherd for protection for me and my kids, who will definitely bite his ass if he makes a misstep(my current dog would lick a serial killer). Anyway, I don't want it to go that far, but I'm just saying. I love my dog like a family member.

 

He was raised in an 'old school' type of family, and I wonder if they received spankings regularly. It could be cultural and like someone mentioned, an ignorance about how to train a dog properly.

 

Um, some could also say that it's a cultural thing or the way they were brought up to hit/spank/strike children but it is still illegal. It is illegal to hit/spank/strike a dog. You should report him. He will do it again. I don't play when it comes to abuse of anyone or any creature.

[tkgirl]

Inexcusable, and I'd drop him in a heartbeat.

 

Any person who abuses an animal is the lowest of the low. It's right there with pedophilia, in my book - abuse of those smaller, weaker, and unable to defend themselves.

 

I would be HIGHLY wary of someone who could hurt a pet. I would assume if he would do that to his dog, then I'd certainly be next. It's just indicative of an abusive personality...

 

 

I'm with Jilly Bean on this one... cruelty to animals is the worst. Actually, I often judge my potential boyfriends or dates or whatever by how they treat my dog... it's a pretty good test BTW.

[EcstasyX6]

Sorry, I disagree. Yell at me and judge me if you want, but I don't choose animals over people. D-Lish, you may have missed out on a wonderful man and rushed to judge him. He may have just needed some talking too. This issue is the only thing that's bothered me about him and he treats me very well. He's been open to my suggestions about how to treat his dog, and I think that's great! People can learn and are capable of change. I don't believe in throwing out the baby with the bath water.

 

If I do something wrong, I hope he'll look at the 95% of the good stuff I've done, work with me, and help me, then if I refuse to change, or don't change, move on.

 

Thanks for everyone's input.

[tkgirl]

Sorry, I disagree. Yell at me and judge me if you want, but I don't choose animals over people. D-Lish, you may have missed out on a wonderful man and rushed to judge him. He may have just needed some talking too. This issue is the only thing that's bothered me about him and he treats me very well. He's been open to my suggestions about how to treat his dog, and I think that's great! People can learn and are capable of change. I don't believe in throwing out the baby with the bath water.

 

If I do something wrong, I hope he'll look at the 95% of the good stuff I've done, work with me, and help me, then if I refuse to change, or don't change, move on.

 

Thanks for everyone's input.

 

no one's judging you sweetie.. you posted saying he was mean to his dog and it concerned you.. and rightly so. I know I could never stay with someone that did something like that... as a few others on here wouldn't either... but it's your life and you're going to do what you want. To me it's a red flag in the least and I'd keep a watch for any further "outbursts".

I guess all I can say to you now is good luck...

[harmfulsweetz]

Or D-Lish may have missed out on a man filled with anger and pent up rage! I love my two pooches, and if I came across a guy who was rough with them, bye bye guy! It's entirely up to you, but I would seriously worry about a guy that can be mean to an animal.

[DanielMadr]

Adolf Hitler had a dog and was very sweet to him. He was antismoker too btw.

 

Concentration camp wardens had dogs and cuddled them after watching them tear some poor prisoner apart.

 

I know many people who are more attentive to their dogs than to their own children. Or even beat/discipline them not the dog.

 

I know professional dog handlers who are very "mean" to dogs, they have to, its nothing personal, they dont want a spoiled adult-puppy who would hurt someone.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Adolf Hitler had a dog and was very sweet to him. He was antismoker too btw.

 

Concentration camp wardens had dogs and cuddled them after watching them tear some poor prisoner apart.

 

I know many people who are more attentive to their dogs than to their own children. Or even beat/discipline them not the dog.

 

I know professional dog handlers who are very "mean" to dogs, they have to, its nothing personal, they dont want a spoiled adult-puppy who would hurt someone.

It just seems to me that Hitler and his concentration camp wardens used the dogs as another tool for their own sick and evil deeds. The dog was only doing what it was trained to do.

 

As for the many people more attentive to their dogs than their own children and beat/discipline them and not the dog, either way these people are abusive.

 

The "professional" dog handlers who are very "mean" to dogs you say they have to be mean, they don't want spoiled adult-puppy who would hurt someone, is like saying it's okay to be mean to children as well, because we don't want a spoiled adult-child who would hurt someone.

 

Mean is mean no matter what, so is abuse.

[DanielMadr]

It just seems to me that Hitler and his concentration camp wardens used the dogs as another tool for their own sick and evil deeds. The dog was only doing what it was trained to do.

 

As for the many people more attentive to their dogs than their own children and beat/discipline them and not the dog, either way these people are abusive.

 

The "professional" dog handlers who are very "mean" to dogs you say they have to be mean, they don't want spoiled adult-puppy who would hurt someone, is like saying it's okay to be mean to children as well, because we don't want a spoiled adult-child who would hurt someone.

 

Mean is mean no matter what, so is abuse.

 

You didnt get it. I wasnt trying to say dogs are mean. I was trying to say, that PEOPLE CAN BE CREATURES AND STILL LOVE DOGS.

 

Child is not an animal. Dog is. And he is a pack animal too. You cant reason with it. Im not advocating of beating dogs but I understand you have to be rougher with it in order to get him to behave. So dont compare children to dogs. Basicaly if you spoil a child it wont start biting small children in the face when it grows up.

 

When you house train a dog it is different when you train a police dog;)

[Gypsy_Soul]

You didnt get it. I wasnt trying to say dogs are mean. I was trying to say, that PEOPLE CAN BE CREATURES AND STILL LOVE DOGS.

 

Child is not an animal. Dog is. And he is a pack animal too. You cant reason with it. Im not advocating of beating dogs but I understand you have to be rougher with it in order to get him to behave. So dont compare children to dogs. Basicaly if you spoil a child it wont start biting small children in the face when it grows up.

 

When you house train a dog it is different when you train a police dog;)

 

Well, I can't say that I agree with beating a dog in order to train it. There is behavior training without being rough to it as a puppy.

 

Same with children, there is other forms of guiding children without being rough to them.

 

Oh and children/humans are animals by the way. The only difference between us and animals is the capicity for reasoning. I'd say it's easier to train a puppy than it is to train a child.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Thus, if this guy is having a hard time training his own dog properly in a non-abusive manner, I can only imagine what he is capable of doing if he is having a hard time dealing with children.

[DanielMadr]

Thus, if this guy is having a hard time training his own dog properly in a non-abusive manner, I can only imagine what he is capable of doing if he is having a hard time dealing with children.

 

And Im telling you it has no relevance. There are people who dont see and treat dogs as human children. Therefore they have less patience for the dog in order to save their patience and time for their kids. And they simply dont see anything bad in treating dog a rough way because they know dogs and they have seen how dogs rise dogs in natural habitat - you would cry for a week seeing that:)

 

My point. just because a man kicks a dog doesnt mean he will kick you or kids.

Maybe he is just old school. His dog is to guard the house not to be his furry friend to stroke his ego by blindly loving him no matter what.

[Gypsy_Soul]

And Im telling you it has no relevance. There are people who dont see and treat dogs as human children. Therefore they have less patience for the dog in order to save their patience and time for their kids. And they simply dont see anything bad in treating dog a rough way because they know dogs and they have seen how dogs rise dogs in natural habitat - you would cry for a week seeing that:)

 

My point. just because a man kicks a dog doesnt mean he will kick you or kids.

Maybe he is just old school. His dog is to guard the house not to be his furry friend to stroke his ego by blindly loving him no matter what.

 

According to you, there is no relevence. Please show me where you find this information. I find more information that there's a link between people who abuse animals and people who harm others.

 

Again show me where you get this information.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Being old skool doesn't have anything to do with it either. I know of many things that were considered harmless back in the day, to which now are and considered illegal.

 

Abuse is abuse there is no other way around it, no matter what culture you are from or how you were brought up.

[DanielMadr]

According to you, there is no relevence. Please show me where you find this information. I find more information that there's a link between people who abuse animals and people who harm others.

 

Again show me where you get this information.

 

Yes, people who are CRUEL to animals are bad people, because they compensate their frustrations by torturing or terorizing an animal = use of violence for their sadistic pleasure.

 

But you tell me that when person pulls hard on a dogs leash, slaps him or kicks him or by slamming him into his crate and taking away his blanket when it does something bad is a person who will eventually beat his woman and/or children, eventhough he has no history of doing so and is otherwise OK?

 

I say it is misjudgment of character based on false premises.

[DanielMadr]

Being old skool doesn't have anything to do with it either. I know of many things that were considered harmless back in the day, to which now are and considered illegal.

 

Abuse is abuse there is no other way around it, no matter what culture you are from or how you were brought up.

 

I agree.

 

But back then in old days werent so many cases of teared apart babys by dogs. And police dogs training wasnt done in secret like now is, because of strick anti-animal-abuse laws.