MarieMarie Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Hi there, I'm new to this site, so forgive me if this question's already been asked a million times! I've been dating a great guy (me: late twenties, him mid-thirties) for four months now and everything seems to be going well, but we only see each other once or twice a week. Does this seem normal to you guys, or is he not that interested? We also don't do much texting/email/phone except to set up our dates. Possible extenuating factors: He works a LOT (maybe 60 or more hours per week) and has a son that stays with him every other weekend. Any opinions would be appreciated!
EcstasyX6 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 My bf and I see each other once or twice a week, and we text several times a day, and talk everyday. It's been 6 months. We're in our 40s and acting like teenagers. I was thinking maybe this is too much? I'm just not sure. When you see each other, is it for long periods of time?(several hours) Do you want to communicate more? He does work a lot, and with his son, so maybe he's spending what little free time he does get with you. If that's the case, and he's not a phone person, then maybe that's a good place to be after 4 months.
Author MarieMarie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Oh hi there! I think we just responded to each others' messages - how funny Yeah, we usually see each other for several hours at a time. Generally, it's dinner, good conversation, possibly a movie, and then spend the night together. I really would love more communication - it would just make my day to get random texts and emails - but I don't want to be overbearing since it's a new relationship and he's clearly a busy guy. Also, he totally doesn't seem like a phone person at all - so I guess this is good? Thanks so much for your input!
torranceshipman Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 We see eachother 6 nights out of 7, every week, but then we've only been together 3.5months so I guess we're still truly in that honeymoon phase (-;
Devil Inside Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 A couple times a week sounds very normal for that stage in the relationship. Do you want more time? Have you asked? Or are you asking here first so you don't sound clingy? Or is he asking for more time and you feel that he is clingy?
Author MarieMarie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Do you want more time? Have you asked? Or are you asking here first so you don't sound clingy? Or is he asking for more time and you feel that he is clingy? I would love to spend more time with him, but I don't want to sound clingy. But even a daily text message or email would make me pretty happy. I haven't brought it up with him at all - I think I'd rather wait a couple more months before bringing it up. It's just that we have a great time when we're together, but then I don't hear from him for a couple days and I start to doubt whether he really likes me. I guess I feel like when you're really into someone, you want to spend all your time with them! But I can also see the benefit of taking things slow and not rushing in.
Devil Inside Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I would love to spend more time with him, but I don't want to sound clingy. But even a daily text message or email would make me pretty happy. I haven't brought it up with him at all - I think I'd rather wait a couple more months before bringing it up. It's just that we have a great time when we're together, but then I don't hear from him for a couple days and I start to doubt whether he really likes me. I guess I feel like when you're really into someone, you want to spend all your time with them! But I can also see the benefit of taking things slow and not rushing in. I think that people are just different in how much time they spend with someone. I guess what I am saying is that if your attraction is measured by how much time you want to spend with him...don't assume he is the same way. So maybe twice a week means he is really into you...even if for you it means...I just kind of like you. Either way...assuming is no good. It is ok to communicate with him. I think that you can tell him that you love spending time with him and getting emails and texts from him without demanding it or coming off as clingy. For all you know he feels the same way.
Author MarieMarie Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Thanks for your advice, Devil Inside. I will think over talking with him about it...I don't know why I'm so paranoid as coming off clingy, but maybe I'm going a little too far with it if I can't even tell him that I really enjoy getting little texts and emails from him occasionally.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Thanks for your advice, Devil Inside. I will think over talking with him about it...I don't know why I'm so paranoid as coming off clingy, but maybe I'm going a little too far with it if I can't even tell him that I really enjoy getting little texts and emails from him occasionally. I don't think you should say anything to him at all. Like sadintexas said, he is probably giving you his free time. My fiance is an accountant and when busy season hits he will sometimes have to work 60-70 hours per week and I will barely see him..and we live together!!! Something you could do would be to ask him to hang out/go on a date on an extra day during the week that you wouldn't normally do something and see what he says.
Devil Inside Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I don't think you should say anything to him at all. Like sadintexas said, he is probably giving you his free time. My fiance is an accountant and when busy season hits he will sometimes have to work 60-70 hours per week and I will barely see him..and we live together!!! Something you could do would be to ask him to hang out/go on a date on an extra day during the week that you wouldn't normally do something and see what he says. See...this is where sometimes you ladies expect us to read your mind. It may be that he is giving her all his time...maybe not. Maybe he would send her a text or email every once and awhile to say he misses her. If this is something that she would enjoy...and he wants her to feel happy and connected...why not. I agree that she should not make a big deal...or expect a lot. However...you ladies need to tell us what makes you feel good...and frame it in a positive way...like "it makes me hot when you send me little texts during the day to think about me, good thing you don't do it more or you would really be in trouble."
aerogurl87 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 My BF and I see each other usually once or twice a week and text each other all through the week and talk on the phone at least once a day (he always calls me when he's on his way to work and I usually call him during my breaks at work if he's not sleep). So sounds normal to me. If you want him to call or see him more, tell him! He's not a mind reader as much as I wish men were, lol.
Recommended Posts