aerogurl87 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Ok so I know I'm falling in love with my boyfriend (not in love yet, but getting there slowly but surely) which made me wonder, when do you think is a good time to tell someone you love them? Is there a minimum time of being together for you to say it, or after you've gone through something big together? When do you think is the time to say those 3 little words that carry the weight of the world?
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 when he does something that makes you want to say I love you
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 when he does something that makes you want to say I love you Hmm, well that's true I guess. I mean he's done things that make me want to tell him that "this is why I'm falling in love with you" but I don't want to just say "I love you" because to me that means alot. I don't take those words lightly and I've only told 2 people that I've dated that. Both of whom I really did love to the extent that it was about as close to unconditional as one could get.
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 So tell him exactly that! In my experience, when I was told those words, they just let them slip out in a moment...and then they suddenly just looked at me realising they just said it. It has always been a good moment, and reciprocated. I wouldnt be with someone long enough to get thos e feelings if I didn't like them..... So I guess, just let it slip out worked a treat for me. I loved it.
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Let him say it first. Is that not playing games a bit??
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Let him say it first. Yeah I was thinking about doing that. He told me after we had been dating for a month that he was falling in love with me ,which shocked me in a good way because that wasn't exactly what I thought he'd say at that time, lol. So now I get the feeling that he is in love with me, but he never says he loves me. Just tells me that he cares about me alot, etc. Anyway I wanted to tell him I loved him like a week or two ago, but decided I'd hold off until I was 100% sure that I was.
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I would consider that the start of a fight for power.......... chain reaction...... Playing games for power.... Not a good start... He already told you he thinks he is falling in love with you. Did you not reciprocate, if thats how you are feeling too??
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 He already told you he thinks he is falling in love with you. Did you not reciprocate, if thats how you are feeling too?? I told him I felt the same way about him. But like I said it caught me off guard because that wasn't what I was expecting to hear him say at that time. But yeah it's not like he said that and then there was silence. I told him I felt the same way about him and that I had wanted to tell him but I didn't want to freak him out, etc.
Skump Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Let him say it first. Oh come on now! What if they both followed that strategy? OP, in my opinion you should drop the L word once you believe you have real insight into his character, feel he's demonstrated his commitment to you, and are confident that the relationship is progressing toward permanence. Some guys have a rejection hangup that makes it tough for them to be the first to drop the L word. It's a weakness to be sure, but a common weakness. There's no reason to get yourselves into a silly Mexican Standoff over the word "love." When your heart and your head tell you it's the right time to say it, then say it.
BobSacamento Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 When your not saying it to see if he or she will reciprocate.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Yeah I was thinking about doing that. He told me after we had been dating for a month that he was falling in love with me ,which shocked me in a good way because that wasn't exactly what I thought he'd say at that time, lol. So now I get the feeling that he is in love with me, but he never says he loves me. Just tells me that he cares about me alot, etc. Anyway I wanted to tell him I loved him like a week or two ago, but decided I'd hold off until I was 100% sure that I was. Okay if someone was to ask you on the spot if you loved him, what would you say? No thinking about what the "word means" or timelines or "who says it first" theories? IMO you either do or don't. It sounds to me like you love him. So tell him!!!! I bet he says it back to you!
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 When your not saying it to see if he or she will reciprocate. If that was a dig at me, that is not what I said.
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Okay if someone was to ask you on the spot if you loved him, what would you say? No thinking about what the "word means" or timelines or "who says it first" theories? IMO you either do or don't. It sounds to me like you love him. So tell him!!!! I bet he says it back to you! Exactly:cool:
Angel1111 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Do not ever tell a guy you love him before he tells you that he loves you first. It may sound dumb but I'm telling you it's a mistake to do it. Just my .02 worth.
BobSacamento Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Tell him you think you are falling in love with him. See what he says.
Zoff Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) Yes. Let him say it first. That's a bit cowardly i.m.o., just abdicating responsibility. What if he does the same? You could be waiting indefinitely. Maybe if he doesn't reciprocate after a reasonable amount of time, he never will. You'd be better off finding out what kind of guy you're really dealing with sooner than later. It seems that some of you have had bad experiences with telling a guy you love him first, but what's to say that if you hadn't said it, they would have? If you really love someone you should just say so. There are no specific rules or timetables. Provided I really liked a girl she could tell me she loved me after a week and it wouldn't bother me, in fact I'd be quite happy about it. Granted that's me and I'm not afraid of commitment and not all guys are like that. When you know him well enough to be in love with him, you should be able to judge what his views are on commitment and pick your moment. Edited October 23, 2009 by Zoff
littlewhiterose Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 That's a bit cowardly i.m.o., just abdicating responsibility. What if he does the same? If you really love someone you should just say so. There are no specific rules or timetables. Provided I really liked a girl she could tell me she loved me after a week and it wouldn't bother me, in fact I'd be quite happy about it. Granted that's me and I'm not afraid of commitment and not all guys are like that. When you know him well enough to be in love with him, you should be able to judge what his views are on commitment and pick your moment. Not necessarily so. Women on a whole tend to form an emotional opinion about someone much faster than men. I think this is why women tend to want commitments with a man (they have already assessed as worth their time, love and compassion for a relationship) far sooner than a man. In my opinion it seems a bit far fetched to say a woman should be able to judge his views on commitment. Not all people are forthright with what they want. And besides, isn't "waiting for him to say it first" still 'picking your moment'?
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 I'll tell him the next time we're together and it hits me. The first time I wanted to tell him was about 2 weeks ago when I slept over at his place for the first time, but I didn't since I wanted to give it some time to see if I really felt that way and make sure it wasn't just a fleeting emotion of infatuation that I had confused with love. So maybe next time I'll tell him when it hits me again whenever we're together.
littlewhiterose Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 That's a bit cowardly i.m.o., just abdicating responsibility. What if he does the same? You could be waiting indefinitely. Maybe if he doesn't reciprocate after a reasonable amount of time, he never will. You'd be better off finding out what kind of guy you're really dealing with sooner than later. It seems that some of you have had bad experiences with telling a guy you love him first, but what's to say that if you hadn't said it, they would have? If you really love someone you should just say so. There are no specific rules or timetables. Provided I really liked a girl she could tell me she loved me after a week and it wouldn't bother me, in fact I'd be quite happy about it. Granted that's me and I'm not afraid of commitment and not all guys are like that. When you know him well enough to be in love with him, you should be able to judge what his views are on commitment and pick your moment. No bad experiences personally, and most def can't speak for all ladies. I've never said "ILY" first. Not because I was afraid, but because each time, it just happened that the guy expressed it first, before I was expecting it. I have heard horror stories on the return rate on the reverse argument though...and um...
Zoff Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Not necessarily so. Women on a whole tend to form an emotional opinion about someone much faster than men. I think this is why women tend to want commitments with a man (they have already assessed as worth their time, love and compassion for a relationship) far sooner than a man. In my opinion it seems a bit far fetched to say a woman should be able to judge his views on commitment. Not all people are forthright with what they want. And besides, isn't "waiting for him to say it first" still 'picking your moment'? I think that's a bit of a generalisation about guys Why would you consider it far fetched. If you love the person, doesn't it mean that you would most likely know them quite well and that you've talked quite a lot? You could argue that it's picking your moment, but that's playing to the letter and not the spirit:lmao:
Zoff Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 No bad experiences personally, and most def can't speak for all ladies. I've never said "ILY" first. Not because I was afraid, but because each time, it just happened that the guy expressed it first, before I was expecting it. I have heard horror stories on the return rate on the reverse argument though...and um... That's fair enough, if you don't feel it, then you don't feel it. But to deliberately conceal your feelings and play that game seems pointless to me. If the guy runs at the mention of you telling him that you love him then he's an insensitive idiot. TBH I can't understand anyone staying in a long term relationship without being in love. Is it just for convenience ? Doesn't that then just become FWB?
Soul Bear Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I'll tell him the next time we're together and it hits me. The first time I wanted to tell him was about 2 weeks ago when I slept over at his place for the first time, but I didn't since I wanted to give it some time to see if I really felt that way and make sure it wasn't just a fleeting emotion of infatuation that I had confused with love. So maybe next time I'll tell him when it hits me again whenever we're together. Good job Aero
RogueAngel19 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 I think you should tell him you love him when you are sure and when you've been together for a bit. Love is not just when everything is hunky-dorie but sticking it out and working through it together during the rough patches as well. If you haven't been dating him long enough for that then I say its to early to tell and too early to think about saying but saying that you think you're falling in love is a different story. Once you say I love you there are no take backs and its there and if you say it and don't mean it you will only hurt him and yourself more which would ruin the purpose of saying I love you. Give it time and you'll figure it out.
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