cashmoney Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) Hi there, I have been reading this board for a while and thought I'd finally post on it regarding my most recent breakup. At the end of August, my former gf (1 year, 4 months) and I were to attend her cousin's graduation... I had my Ph.D. thesis due in two weeks, and it was going to be a LONG day, so I was hesitant only because I still had so much to do, but I agreed to go as I loved her and wanted to make her happy.... Well, I don't know what happened, but I guess the combination of lack of sleep, immense stress, terrible family problems, and just being way too stressed out over a variety of other things make me kind cranky and irritable.... I wasn't a total jerk or something, and still tried to be nice to everyone, but it was clear I wasn't having a good time... the day in total went on for about 15 hours, part of which I spent alone with some of her extended family (who I don't really know) as she had other things to do throughout the day... so I basically gave up a whole day for her ... She could tell I didn't have a good time and the next day when we spoke, she was very upset with me.... told me how her mother dislikes me now, how she is angry with her for allowing me in their home, etc. I tried to reason with her telling her various things, including how I even tried to be really nice to her mother by bringing her food and drinks and hanging out with her, but she was more concerned with the fact that I didn't really hang out with her friends very much.... many of these friends she sees only a few times a year... I was very hurt, only because I tried so hard to be good to her mother (who incidentally decided after that day she didn't like me), and gave up a whole day of crucial time that really should have been dedicated to my thesis... which was due very very shortly... We didn't talk for a week as I was so hurt... she wanted to get together, but I knew if I saw her, I would be screwed for writing as it was be a very emotional experience, and plus, she was not able to accomodate my schedule that week to talk in person... and so she called but I'd text back and figured we were clashing and just needed a time out... I was hurt and tried to be polite and stuff while texting, and overall, I know I wasn't Mr. Perfect at this event, but all the same, I still went and tried to show support for her... anyways, she went away the next weekend, and called me the day after she got back... which was the day before my birthday... We talked and she became quite emotional, and told me how she's unhappy in the relationship, how I don't include her enough in my own family life (which is extremely troubled and I've always tried to explain this to her very clearly and tell her it's not the right time and it has NOTHING to do with her), how I don't do this and that... I was really hurt... she said a few other doosies, but I can't remember them at the moment... bottomline was that she wanted to talk and .... and the worst part was, this was the day before my birthday... I don't know, I know timing isn't always ideal, but she said 'timing in life is never perfect' and I was just so heartbroken by that comment, on top of all the others, because I would never say to that someone going through so much at the same time... the day before their bday no less... anyways, we ended the conversation as she wanted to work it out, but understood I needed a little time with my thesis being due, however, her phone cut out so she didn't hear what I said (which was "I'm really hurt and I need a little time but I still love you"), which I didn't realize as I turned off my phone and was very unhappy and could hardly work for the rest of the day... Anyways, I was quite upset but had to focus on finishing up my thesis... so I tried not to think about it (very tough) and just write, write, write... two days before my thesis was due, she texted me wishing me luck on it... i texted back 'thanks that's very sweet of you to remember... you know how stressful this is'... and she replied nicely, but the next text message from her after that was "So are we going to talk now or after you're done?"... and I wasn't sure what to say... my workload had just doubled in the previous 48 hours, and I wasn't even going to be able to hand in my thesis on time, so I replied back "I don't know... I have a WHOLE new chapter to write... " and ended that message with an inside joke between us.. I never heard back from her... I then got another text message 10 days later (2 days before my defense) which was kind've distant, wishing me luck and hoping it turns out well... I replied "thanks you wouldn't BELIEVE what's going on right now" as unfortunately, two days before my thesis, I had yet another family problem erupt and had to deal with that while finalizing my defense... I never heard back... to make matters even worse, my head was a real disaster as I had been almost brutally attacked one night, my bank account got shut down as I my debit card was compromised (8 days !!!!), and a whole plethora of other crazy, mercury retrograde type stuff.... After I was done, I slept for a day or two, and intended to call her on the Sunday (I finished Friday)... before I even had a chance, I had an e-mail waiting from her saying she's done, it's over, i'm not even replying to her text messages now, I am being cold and distant, she's shocked at my behaviour, if i wanted to break up with her, i should have had the courage to do so... I am disrespecting her, she is heartbroken and hurt, thanks for the time together and please don't contact her. I was flabbergasted! I absolutely DID NOT want to break up with her, i just needed time to sort my head out and finish the final strech of my degree (which didn't end just there - i was VICIOUSLY threatened by my boss various times AFTERWARDS that I wouldn't be AWARDED my degree if I didn't do a few more GRUELING specific pieces of work in a certain time, so even after defending, I was still working like a dog, totally discouraged, scared all the years I invested in this degree would go up in smoke, burnt out, and now at this point, truly heartbroken)... That e-mail from her came a little over a month ago... and I haven't replied. I've wanted to, but I haven't known what to say or even if it's worth it... as much I do truly love this girl and miss her like absolute craziness, I feel this was my time of need, and even though we had to remain not talking regularly for a few weeks, I felt the strength of our relationship (it was actually really good and i was really happy until that graduation) was enough to maintain it during one of the most critical times in my life. Anyways, I don't really know what to say, any advice would be well heeded... I really wish I had the ability to have communicated with her better during that period, but overall, in retrospect, I was just too stressed out to even think too in depth about everything, and with her heartbreaking comments being tossed at me every time we did speak, I really was at a loss for what to do... I just didn't want to jeopardize EVERYTHING because I knew if we spoke, who knows what would have happened as no conversation we were going to have at that point was going to be easy...but at the same time, I would be totally upset too, f-ing me over from potentially finishing my degree.. I'm so confused... Ok thanks! Edited October 22, 2009 by cashmoney
McGrupp Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 that is an abrupt ending. she obviously didnt enjoy being treated that way especially when she was sending you messages wishing you well. i would recommend trying to reconect with her slowly. maybe sending her a text or email explaining how you are doing and wishing her the same. i would stay away from excuses about how much work you had though. she obviously knew. this may be poor advice though, so maybe wait for some more opinions...
Author cashmoney Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 that is an abrupt ending. she obviously didnt enjoy being treated that way especially when she was sending you messages wishing you well. i would recommend trying to reconect with her slowly. maybe sending her a text or email explaining how you are doing and wishing her the same. i would stay away from excuses about how much work you had though. she obviously knew. this may be poor advice though, so maybe wait for some more opinions... Dude what way? I tried to reply to her and she didn't respond...!
McGrupp Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I replied "thanks you wouldn't BELIEVE what's going on right now" she's reaching out to you and you keep bringing it back to your problems. you didnt ask her how she is or anything. ask to speak to her latter in the week or anything. i mean a relationship is a 2 way street, not just when its convenient for you. just saying
Author cashmoney Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 she's reaching out to you and you keep bringing it back to your problems. you didnt ask her how she is or anything. ask to speak to her latter in the week or anything. i mean a relationship is a 2 way street, not just when its convenient for you. just saying no no you're right i understand.. however, at the same time, the text messages didn't go on long enough for me to inquire about her even!... oh well...
salem mark Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 forget her, she was acting like a selfish brat, it seems to be all about her you havent responded and you shouldnt, let her contact you work on yourself man!!!
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