It ends with silence, brilliant!

[stace79]

The reason you say this is because youre on the other side of the fence. If you were deeply in love with someone and they just walked away from you..without so much as a second look..with no reason...just silence. What would you do??? You would just be a woman about it (as you say) and just let it go. NO....you would be broken, shattered, confused. Put yourself in that position...keep in mind you are deeply in love with this person!! If your answer is YES than i guess you are a better woman then most of us...and men!!

 

I would be upset about it, but then I would move on. No one is saying you can't be upset. That's part of healing. Just don't expect the person breaking up with you to spend hours letting you go on and on and on. Frankly, if they did do that, that would be leading you on and giving you false hope that they still care.

 

Clean breaks are best, trust me. And I have been on both sides of the fence. I've only been a dumper twice -- every other R I was the dumpee.

[angelface78]

Well Stace nobody here is bugging their exes for explanations. We have all left them alone. We are only here supporting each other. Unfortunately we still wish they had given us reasons. All we are doing is talking about it...but believe me ...we already let them go!!

 

Day 21 NC

Day 7 FULL NC!!! (not looking at his myspace)

 

PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

[Blindsidedagainalive]

Is she involved with someone else? I don't recall seeing that on any of your posts.

 

If you haven't considered this....it explains the silence.

 

Undiscovered cheating OFTEN ends with silence.

 

So sorry man, good riddance.

It's difficult to accept, but assume the worst.

[WTRanger]

Is she involved with someone else? I don't recall seeing that on any of your posts.

 

If you haven't considered this....it explains the silence.

 

Undiscovered cheating OFTEN ends with silence.

 

So sorry man, good riddance.

It's difficult to accept, but assume the worst.

 

Ding Ding! We have a winner!!! Anyone want to guess the information I found out today? Not from her, of course.

 

This case can't be considered cheating in the typical way, because most assuredly in her eyes the silence was a "break" yadda, yadda.

 

Ugh, back to day 1. Even though I haven't contacted her in 7 days, I just feels like day 1 all over again.

[angelface78]

What happened WT?? Who told you the silence meant a break to her???

[wondering_girl]

WT what happened, that is awful, she is a heartless person..UGGHHH

[NoneoftheAbove]

Im in the same boat with you guys. Man it hurts.....

[WTRanger]

Nobody established the silence was a break, but I know her well enough to know how her brain works. If she doesn't see it, it doesn't exist.

 

We were LD for a while, we never really established a firm relationship either. She kept wanting to "think" every time we got to the exclusive stage. I used to be a skeptic, but now I'm a believer in "think" meaning I'm using you as a plan B just in case but I'm really looking for plan A.

 

So a few weeks ago she really dropped of the face of the Earth as you all know and I was cool with it. Until this morning when I was browsing my FB page and lo and behold there's the status update. Keep in mind that I had no idea she reinstated her FB last week. Because if someone deactivates the page then starts it back again, it remembers all of the friends and acts like nothing happens. I immeadilty deleted her and about spit my morning cup of Joe all over my screen.

 

So yea, if this doesn't motivate me to move on then you have full green light to beat me senseless.

[angelface78]

Uggghhh typical...just acts like nothing ever happened. These people i tell you. My ex was like that in the part where you say that she used to "think" when it came to making a comittment. They try to act all nonchalant but inside their wheels are spinning and the hesitation is them scheming and plotting. ...but we know them so well we know they're up to no good.

[angelface78]

Welcome Noneoftheabove. Welcome to the silence thread..;(

[WTRanger]

At this point, I'm just done with it all. I'm tired it all and I really just want to move forward with my life again.

 

It felt like I was stuck in the mud for the last few months, so it's finally nice to be free. Painfully free, but free none the less.

[angelface78]

Ive been feeling better too ......I dont know whats been happenning lately. I feel like im coming back from the dead. Who knows how long this feeling will last for me but im going to enjoy it while it lasts :bunny:

[wondering_girl]

hi guys...... how's everyone doing?

 

as for me, he's tried to explain why he behaved that way and to me, it's not even enough yet, i'm about to question some things.... but it seems like i'm not in a hurry or feel the urgency to discuss, i'm not sure why either... i don't know if i'm acting or what (i don't think so) although before i wanted to fix it so badly.. i'm just in a spree of an "i don't know answers" i still miss him and love him though, today it'll be a month since i have seen him.

 

how's everyone WTRanger, angelface?

Edited November 5, 2009 by wondering_girl

[hopefullove]

i broke NC on monday, to basically say that what he is doing is not respectful, and i havent heard anything back so i guess this cements the fact that his is a big fat jerk face, and im reevaluating our whole relationship... i am currently in the state of ANGRY, which is better than remorse for past 2 and a half years....

 

but honestly! what a jerk!!!!!

[angelface78]

Hi guys i hope everyone is well. Hopefullove i am also in the angry stage. I dont know what is happening but im not really sad anymore....only VERY ANGRY!! I hope this means i am somewhat healing. It has been 4 months since i have seen him. 4 months since the breakup. He is still with his rebound. I am angry because he threw it all away for her..a complete f***** stranger and he never had the balls to tell me. It has been a crazy ride and today i am at 29 days of NC since i broke my 3 months NC!! I feel ok. Im starting to take care of myself more.I know im gonna get out of this hole.IM GONNA KEEP GOING!!! I hope you guys are well...WT Ranger, Hopefullove, Wondering Girl....STAY STRONG!!!

[hopefullove]

hey angelface,

Angry is good! im glad we're angry! cause we're not making excuses for them anymore, i think. like, i used to think, oh he's not really a jerk, it's just because of this and that, and because i did this and that, and i know he's a sweetheart inside and he's just too sensitive, and keeps his emotions inside... BULLLLCRAPOLA!!!! Angry is like. NO WAY. angry, is like, WOW, i cant believe i used to make up all these lame excuses in my head, against better judgement, and you were just stringing me along the whole time, we did everything when you wanted too... no more doormat!

 

i think i get sad like 5% of the day now. i really enjoy how the anger has taken over. and! i joined a gym last thursday, ive gone 3 days now, and i'm going again today.

 

I hope never ever again to hear from him, i dont care if he's happy or not, i dont care so much anymore. i am angry for everything he put me through.

 

angry = good!

[Bulldozed]

Hi Angel Face (et al). I missed this thread. It appears we're all in the same boat. I don't get people. My ex and I broke up (err, took a break) at the end of August. So we could both re-calibrate our lives..her job was sufferring and she wanted to focus on her blahblah...just weeks earlier we were making plans for her to move in before the holidays. I had lots of remodeling to do, which I did all August....3 wks after our break, she's now dating one of her "former" best friends recently divorced ex husbands....throughout August, she would text me about us..."I don't know what's going on with us"....or "I'm having mixed emotions"....i refused to answer and told her if you have more than two cents to talk about, I'll meet you or call me...she always found an excuse to evade the "talk"...one I was actually looking forward to having. Now she's destroyed a 20yr friendship, on a chance relationship with a guy, who she's his first since getting divorced in July....she tossed a 2 yr relationship and 15 yr friendship with me, on a chance....these people are truly cowards that can't come to grips with their feelings and express themselves as most normal, functioning adults do....I wish I had the answer, yet the more answers I have, the more questions pop up...truly a vicious cycle....her past relationships (prior to me) were disastrous, 2 failed marriages, and a repeat one with her first love from high school. I come along, the polar opposite of anyone she's ever been involved with and apparently she can't handle it? Truly tragic...for her...she may never learn the lesson? If these people lack the concept of basic fundamental communication, how will they ever achieve true and lasting love and commitment?

[lilbelle]

I agree. He has someone else in mind. Hence the contradicting terms. Your on backup or maybe the other one is. Regardless, nc. You must be strong. Quit letting him dictate your life and emotions. You deserve better.

[angelface78]

Hi hopefullove,

 

Yes this anger also helps me see who he really was!! I cant believe i was always the bigger person and always went the extra mile to fix our problems!! Arrgghhh!! He never deserved someone like me!!

 

Bulldozed,

 

Im sorry about what happened to you! I cant believe she is dating a former friends exhusband!!! Wow!!! It says a lot about her values. You are better off without this person!! These people are not loyal! Their loyalty is only to themselves. They look out for themselves...their wants, their needs and dont give a damn if they hurt others in the process. I never imagined my ex would do something like this to me. After 5 years and being engaged! Im sure you never imagined that she would do what she did either. Its almost like we never knew these people. SO SAD!! Youre right though they will never find true love.

Edited November 5, 2009 by angelface78

[wondering_girl]

hi guys.. so i was telling you he was trying to explain right, i was reading through here and what we all need is communication.. anyway, when he wrote me he was like ya know i've always told you that if we don't grow together we'll grow apart........ my immediate thought is that don't we need communication to do that? i've addressed this, that is a main factor in a relationship and growing together......i was just kinda weirded out he said that and he was the one that left me in silence for weeks... i dunno what he's gonna say, but like i told ya girls, i don't know what's wrong with me or if i'm acting it seems like it's not my priorty to fix this right now.. i still miss him though, but he did apologize and said he overreacted, still i want more explanation and actions.

[lilbelle]

Okay wondering.

 

You are prolonging your healing. You are gonna keep ending up at square one. He isn't answering or giving you the answer you need because its his way of manipulating you and keep you longing. You must stop this behavoir. You don't need a reason. Plenty of us didn't get a reason. Come up with your own reason. How about you giving him a reason, like you deserve better, he's emotionaly abusive, you want a healthy relationship. You must stop love. I'm just saying. Heal, let yourself heal, love yourself enough to not be a part of that toxic relationship. By him saying growing apart it confirms that he is looking at potentials. Believe me. I went through this same thing. Detach, distance, and absolutely stay nc.

[WTRanger]

For the first time this week I am finally feeling indifference. There are spurts through out the days where I just don't care about what happened. And it is AMAZING! While I know I'm not out of the woods just yet, I have realized several things over the past 17 days of absolute NC and the past 8 months of pure confusion.

 

1. Nothing I could have done was going to make this turn out any differently. It is what it is, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Am I so bold to think that if I had a time machine and went back to do things differently that they would turn out better? What if they turned out far worse? Maybe this situation is the best? Sure, its painful but it is getting me to learn things about my own Self. Own up to my insecurities and little foibles. Looking back at my journals throughout this whole mess, I realized why would I want someone like this in my life? It is like asking for a cancerous tumor to be inserted into my scrotum. Why?!?!?!?! It makes no sense.

 

2. Let go. Jesus Christ on a cracker, just let go. Yes, rehashing the situation over and over and over on LS is the same as not letting go. There is a difference with getting things out and constantly re-living them. See reasons with #1.

 

3. Wondering why someone you loved and cared about is all of a sudden giving you the silent treatment is not being needy or clingy. You are simply wondering why all of the silence as it is not a natural human thing to do. That being said, I know that I didn't send 500 texts in one day, email constantly, etc. If she didn't respond to one, that was enough and I stayed low for a while. After repeating this process for a few weeks, I finally "got it" that I was being ignored.

 

4. You can't make someone love you just like you cannot force a flower to bloom. You can't grab the bulb and force the pedals to open. All you do is kill the flower. You have to let it bloom naturally and in the due course of Nature. Sometimes, the little bastard just doesn't want to bloom. There is nothing you can do, so go find a flower that is willing to bloom and show it's true beauty to the world.

 

5. I'm glad I took the high road. When I finally realized what a coward she was, I wanted to lay the lumber to her. I wanted to take everything she confided in me and turn that against her. Her worst fears, her past ex's, her father, her past, etc. Take that and sling some serious mud at her. But I didn't. I simply and calmly mentioned that I hate being ignored and she would too, but I accept the situation for what it is even though I think its the dumbest thing since Snuggies. I wished her luck in her life, and signed off. Absolute NC started once I hit send. I sleep at night knowing that deep down I did the right thing because it was the right thing to do. Blowing up at her would give her reason for ignoring me. Laying it on the line, but keeping it neutral diffuses the situation and no power is dealt. She can convince herself all she wants that I'm an jerk, but deep down she has to look at herself in the mirror each day. She can run from everything but the person staring back at her in that mirror. Meanwhile I can flex and make goofy faces in the mirror and be completely happy with the oaf starting back at me.

 

6. Let my emotions out in a safe way. Why can't I cry? I just lost someone I loved! Sure, this is all in the privacy of my own apartment but who says I can't watch Forrest Gump and cry like a little bitch every time Jenny leaves Forrest?

 

7. Finally. Forgiveness. I will in time forgive her for what she did. Oh, she'll never know this but in my heart it will happen. Because acceptance and forgiveness is the first step to truly moving on. I hate the situation, but to really understand someone you must first walk a mile in their shoes. She kept silent for selfish reasons. It wasn't to protect my feelings, it was to protect her feelings. By not telling me the truth, she lied. No matter how she spins it, she lied. Half truths, almost truths, white lies, and even not responding is still a lie. It is black and white. You have the truth and everything else is a lie. If she really cared about my feelings, she would have told me the truth. No one deserves to be ostracized by the ones they love. Its painful and does irreparable damage to any relationship. Silence is NEVER the answer, unless you are a coward. But in her mind, it was the best course of action. That is simply how she deals with issues. I deal with issues different, but that is what makes us human. No two people deal with issues the exact same way. I have to accept it for what it is. I also understand that I need to accept what I did. I know I was no prince and I do not deserve to get on my throne of judgment. I have sins so I cannot cast stones.

 

Someone said it on another thread. Feeling like this is truly the essence of being alive. Think about it, to feel this bad something had to make you feel really good. You know you will hit that high again. Its the beauty of being alive, of feeling real emotions.

Edited November 6, 2009 by WTRanger

[wondering_girl]

Okay wondering.

 

You are prolonging your healing. You are gonna keep ending up at square one. He isn't answering or giving you the answer you need because its his way of manipulating you and keep you longing. You must stop this behavoir. You don't need a reason. Plenty of us didn't get a reason. Come up with your own reason. How about you giving him a reason, like you deserve better, he's emotionaly abusive, you want a healthy relationship. You must stop love. I'm just saying. Heal, let yourself heal, love yourself enough to not be a part of that toxic relationship. By him saying growing apart it confirms that he is looking at potentials. Believe me. I went through this same thing. Detach, distance, and absolutely stay nc.

 

hi lilbelle, thanks for the response..... i stopped communication with him a month ago and he was the one who was texting, calling, and i did not respond to him at all, as of today, i haven't seen him in a month or spoken through the phone.. however, about 2 weeks ago, he sent an email apologizing for this that blah blah, explaining himself....wanting to start over and he said that if "we don't grow together, we'll grow apart" - blah blah he's like you need to understand me and i'm like wtf... i was the one who didn't leave ya know.. what is he talking about. this is through e-mail.. don't worry.. i don't have the desire to call him, or anything at all, unless he beats down my door and says he will change his ways and actually communicate, he will get nothing from me. him sending that email all i said was um, how do we grow together if we don't communicate...... and ya know, as times passed by, i also told him that i need to define priorities.. and i have other things going on to focus on. i believe i've gotten to a point where i realized that i am ok...... and what happened did he have a radar that sense that, ughhh....... but i'll be ok, i still love him but it's not right to be with him right now.

[wondering_girl]

WTRanger, awesome post, it is amazing what time does ya know, like you, i wrote journals when this was happening to me and looking back we have gone through hell and slowly i'm coming back.... you're right - THIS IS HER ISSUE, and HIS ISSUE as well... i've learned a whole lot from me too during those times that we went through this and it actually felt good to find me again....... i'm still bothered that people act that way but ya know, it is what it is right....? and you know what's DISTURBING, this behavior is not just towards their BF/GF it is their attitude towards everyone, imagine that, that is awful..... well at least mine is that is his attitude with everyone. that's crazy.

 

i don't know if you read my posts but, yeah now he apologized and all this stuff wants to start over - justifying actions but right now i don't know..... i need to define priorities and i feel like right now this just doesn't seem right. unless he does something drastic to prove to me that he'll communicate - he'll get nothing from me. i even pointed out to him that we need to communicate to grow together since he was like i told you if we don't grow together we'll grow apart WTH, you're the one that shut me out (anyway, had to vent) .......

 

i'm sure there's nowhere else for us to go but go UP....... hope you're having a good week.

[wondering_girl]

lilbelle how are you love? i'm sorry that he was a silent treatment person too....... but i promise it gets better.................