ecm Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 what do they do if they just don't like someone? The same? I've just been reading people's stories and wondering. Taking suggestions from many people whose "good advice" I've been reading, I just started reading "He's Scared, She's Scared". I know I think too much. How are you supposed to know if the CP is running b/c they got scared or b/c they just don't like you? Am I only wack-job that wants to know WHY people do the things they do? Anyone? thanks.
muse08 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 lol.you're funny. but no, you ARE NOT the only who wants to know these things. i too ananlyze things a lot,only b/c i think things need to be thought about more often to try and break these cycles that keep happening in male/female relationships. since CPs most likely evolve into what they are by experiences, there needs to be more intervention at the source, i.e. less tolerance from people who don't take of their families and people who emotionally/verbally/physically mistreat others. to me, this starts the whole lack of trust thus starting a viscous cycle. children grow up to not trust and not committ b/c of a fear of being left anyway, so why should they committ ( in their minds). some people (men and women;mostly men:D) are just dogs...and have no conscience. therefor use CP as their scapegoat...IMO.
muse08 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) btw, i have the book "he's scared.she's scared" as well. haven't finished it yet. have it more for a reference to skim through when necessary... but yep...i'm pretty sure CPs run faster when they don't like you or just fake it til they can't fake it anymore. or...maybe they avoid you althogether, so you're left wondering why they were so stand-offish...just my guess... Edited October 22, 2009 by muse08
littlebittle Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) Well, I can only speak from my own experience. My ex-boyfriend is the first commitment-phobe I think I've encountered. We dated for 4 months, and when things started to get more serious we both sort of chickened out in our own ways. His way was to break up with me. I think different people can't commit for different reasons. The way I know that it's not just him trying to get rid of me in some way is how committed he's been to staying my friend. There's nothing sexual in this post break-up relationship, but he has continued to be there for me with emotional support and kindness. Even if he doesn't want to date me, I know that he cares about me as his friend, and I guess to me that's an indication that he still likes me as a person, despite any fears about a romantic relationship that he might have. I think if someone really didn't like you, and broke up with you using whatever excuse (fear of commitment or whatever else) they'd probably distance themselves from you completely. I have been a serious commitment-phobe for the past 5 years. I just didn't want to settle down with anyone I dated. I know in the past, I have ended things because I wasn't over an ex, I didn't want to hurt the person in the long run, or I just wasn't emotionally ready for anything serious. In those cases, I did my best to be conscientious and respectful of the other person's feelings, and remain friends. Other times, when I just didn't like someone (usually because I could see that we weren't compatible, and the relationship was becoming something negative), I would usually just walk away. Then again, there are always other reasons for walking away from things. Sometimes they're just too painful or stressful. It's so hard to understand other people's behavior without getting into their heads. I don't know, I hope that kind of helps. I am the queen of overthinking things, so I understand how you're feeling. I do think it really helps to try to not focus on the why's (as hard as that may be), and try to accept the what. It is important to learn from your mistakes, but after a certain point you just make yourself crazy trying to figure other people out. Edited October 22, 2009 by littlebittle
torranceshipman Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I think with a certain type of immature guy (or girl), they completely rely on validation from the opposite sex to make them feel more desirable, or cool, or whatever, and because of that , they will never really be happy with one person as they need that new buzz and feeling of a new person wanting them, making them feel desirable, reminding themself they can get another hot girl or guy to want them, etc...so if they seemed really into you for a bit then cooled off, it's probably always a variation of that kind of concept... I think the only person to hook a commitment phobe is one who'll give them the run around and hurt them, as the commitment phobe will know in the back of their mind that the R can never work out, so in a sense, they can semi-commit (for a while) as they know ultimately the R has little chance of working.
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