Attraction | vs | "The One"

[MoreAwesomeUsername]

I've had lots of girls like me but there only been one that I've ever been close to have feelings for.

 

Every guy wanted her, sex radiated off of her body, her personality was the closest thing to mine, aggressive, sincere, bitchy with a heart that was pure. She challenged me, she had a strong sense of herself and we both learned so much from each other. We could get into each other's head and know what each of us was thinking but at the same time there was a complexity that we both learned from. There was always something missing, I felt it and knew it, deep down she could never be the one, it was like two negatives mixing to create explosive highs and lows. It was so perfect but so imperfect at the same time, it was like I knew that our love would never be complete if we ever tried. This is the girl that I was attracted to, her looks, her presence, her confidence, her heart. Every girl I met after, I tried to find "her," to recreate the feelings, emotions but I couldn't, it wasn't the same.

 

Then I met someone a few months ago, she was just like "her" but filled in all the missing pieces. She's well-balanced, has a quiet confidence, elegant, well-mannered, emotionally smart, has a "naughty" side, etc... I'm attracted to her (new girl) for who she is, the way she thinks, she is the missing piece for me, someone with a heart that is pure that can balance some of my imperfections. I tried to not talk to her but I couldn't control myself, I had this feeling she might be "the one". Her beauty radiates from within, I don't even know any of her likes or dislikes but I don't care, I like who she is at the core. I never noticed this girl before even though she was in the same social circles but knew she wanted to talk to me when I caught her "stealing" a fragment of my soul with her eyes. I'm torn because the new girl is everything I want, I'm attracted to her inner beauty more than anything else. She's beautiful and attractive but she doesn't have the same crazy, sexual, physical attraction I lusted for with the first girl.

 

I don't know whether I can ever find the perfect girl, I'm afraid that she might be out there but I don't know if I will really ever find her. How do you find the right balance of physical attraction versus emotional/intellectual attraction, has anyone ever found exactly what they were looking for?

 

There are very few girls that I am even remotely attracted, they are so hard to find, their personalities are hard to come across and when I do they are usually the hot, aggressive (we would be two irons clashing against one another that would never work) or one that is balanced but is "almost" as hot, aggressive.

Edited October 22, 2009 by MoreAwesomeUsername

[always_searching]

The manner in which you describe your feelings for this second girl is really touching. Of course, everyone wants to find someone who is equally balanced (i.e. both sexually AND emotionally attractive)--indeed, both the sexual attraction and the emotional attraction is important. However, I think what's more important is finding someone whom you emotionally and mentally jive with--sexual attraction will oftentimes escalate when you are extremely attracted to someone for their other "spiritual" qualities.

 

I suppose it really all depends upon what's more important to you: wanting sex all the time, but not being as interested in the incommunicable personhood of that individual; or having an immense interest in the incommunicable person, but no (or very little) sexual attraction?

 

Honestly, I find that I am only ever sexually attracted to those people whom I admire from a personal sphere--by "personal" I mean "not objectifying, but considering that individual as subject" and "considering the person for his incommunicable personhood--his being entirely unique."

 

Are you dating this other girl? If not, perhaps you should! I think if you get to know her better (and continue liking her), you may find her to become more sexually attractive to you.

[MoreAwesomeUsername]

The manner in which you describe your feelings for this second girl is really touching. Of course, everyone wants to find someone who is equally balanced (i.e. both sexually AND emotionally attractive)--indeed, both the sexual attraction and the emotional attraction is important. However, I think what's more important is finding someone whom you emotionally and mentally jive with--sexual attraction will oftentimes escalate when you are extremely attracted to someone for their other "spiritual" qualities.

 

I suppose it really all depends upon what's more important to you: wanting sex all the time, but not being as interested in the incommunicable personhood of that individual; or having an immense interest in the incommunicable person, but no (or very little) sexual attraction?

 

Honestly, I find that I am only ever sexually attracted to those people whom I admire from a personal sphere--by "personal" I mean "not objectifying, but considering that individual as subject" and "considering the person for his incommunicable personhood--his being entirely unique."

 

Are you dating this other girl? If not, perhaps you should! I think if you get to know her better (and continue liking her), you may find her to become more sexually attractive to you.

 

It's like the two girls are on the same line but at two different ends of the spectrum. The new girl attracts me sexually but I don't think it will ever be like the first, the first girl is the opposite, she attracted me emotionally but it was never enough. I know deep down that I care more for the emotional/intellectual attraction but I wonder if I could find the "perfect girl" that was the perfect combination of the sexual and emotional attraction.

 

I like this other girl a lot, but don't want to break her heart, I know she believes in love in the same manner as myself, in the purest form. My biggest fear is that if the "perfect girl" is out there and I just haven't had the opportunity to find her, I'm 24.

 

I guess I am trying to find out if other people have found the "perfect girl" (subjective of course) or is it just a fools game. I think about how two people who seem perfect for each (exactly similar personality/looks/emotional connection) usually end up splitting apart. The most attractive women I know who date guys on the same plane as them end up splitting apart and usually settle for someone that balances them out later in life. This is only one view, I don't think I've experienced enough to know for sure, I was hoping to hear other people's perspectives.

[always_searching]

Ah. Well, I haven't found the perfect girl, so I doubt I can help you on that front.

 

Seriously, though: I don't think you should just "settle." However, you may have to slightly lower your expectations if you ever want to actually be in a long-term relationship. Otherwise, you will always find something lacking with your current girlfriend, and always wonder "What if?" in relation to every other girl who catches your interest.

 

Just a thought.

[MoreAwesomeUsername]

Ah. Well, I haven't found the perfect girl, so I doubt I can help you on that front.

 

Seriously, though: I don't think you should just "settle." However, you may have to slightly lower your expectations if you ever want to actually be in a long-term relationship. Otherwise, you will always find something lacking with your current girlfriend, and always wonder "What if?" in relation to every other girl who catches your interest.

 

Just a thought.

 

My biggest fear is that I might get bored or want more after finding someone to settle down with (marriage). I like the "other girl" so much right now because of the emotional/intellectual attraction, its something that so complex that doesn't have boundaries versus something finite like physical appearance.

[aerogurl87]

 

I don't know whether I can ever find the perfect girl, I'm afraid that she might be out there but I don't know if I will really ever find her.

 

Ok problem one is right there in that sentence. The "perfect girl" does not exist and if you go into a relationship with this notion that she must be perfect for you then it will never last. Want to know why? Because no one is perfect and no one is perfect for someone. Sure she may be pretty damn close to perfect, but she will have some flaws that you don't like. With that said, I think you should look for someone who complements you good. Someone who is the ying to your yang, a woman who can help to balance you out. Once you find that in a woman you're attracted to, you will be good to go.

[Awesome Username]

First of all:

 

 

ARRRRRRGH MOTHER ****ER HOW DARE YOU HAVE A MORE AWESOME USERNAME THAN ME! I'm gonna hunt you down punk, and change that "more" to "almost!"

 

now that that's over with...

 

 

...Like you, I am also super picky.

 

You say you want the perfect girl, but I think you mean the perfect girl for YOU and the only way you're going to find someone you really like is to hang out with a lot of people.

 

When you have a larger number of friends, you have more ladies to choose from. Also, women like men with a lot of friends. The only way you can be and stay picky is if you have a lot of potential people to choose from, rather than changing something crazy in yourself to attract the handfull of potential women in your social circle. I'm not sure how big your social network is right now, but there will be more options when there are more people.

 

ALSO, If you go after the new girl, stop comparing her to the old one. If she has a brain and you have pictures of the ex, she'll figure it out. It seems like the more you'd get to know the new one, the more crazy sexual compatibility you'll find. Some girls just take a while to get "naughty!"

 

As for being bored when you're married someday, cross that bridge when you get to it. But what do you value most in life, and what are your goals? Are you afraid that if you settle down and a "better" woman comes along, you'll be screwed and tied down? Amazing people come in and out of your life and will continue to in the future, so until you're sure you want to have kids and settle down, simply don't get married. Personally I'm afraid of marriage myself because my job will make me travel a lot, so this might pertain to you as well.

 

Keep your standards high and you wont regret settling down. You can keep them high if you're good with new people and situations.

[MoreAwesomeUsername]

 

First of all:

 

ARRRRRRGH MOTHER ****ER HOW DARE YOU HAVE A MORE AWESOME USERNAME THAN ME!

 

hahahahahaha.............

 

I'm gonna hunt you down punk, and change that "more" to "almost!"

 

First of all it's Mr. Punk to you, Ms. I-Used-To-Have-An-Awesome Username, I'm sorry did you just lose some of your awesomeness?

 

let's think about it...wait for it...almost there...CHECK -- I Win

 

 

...Like you, I am also super picky.

 

You say you want the perfect girl, but I think you mean the perfect girl for YOU and the only way you're going to find someone you really like is to hang out with a lot of people.

 

You're Right

 

When you have a larger number of friends, you have more ladies to choose from.

 

Yes.

 

Also, women like men with a lot of friends.

 

I think this more of what you want, someone that fits well into your lifestyle/ideal

 

The only way you can be and stay picky is if you have a lot of potential people to choose from

 

Never a problem...

 

rather than changing something crazy in yourself to attract the handfull of potential women in your social circle.

 

If someone doesn't like you for who you are there not worth your time, but you already knew that...

 

I'm not sure how big your social network is right now, but there will be more options when there are more people.

 

Yes.

 

ALSO, If you go after the new girl, stop comparing her to the old one. If she has a brain and you have pictures of the ex, she'll figure it out. It seems like the more you'd get to know the new one, the more crazy sexual compatibility you'll find. Some girls just take a while to get "naughty!"

 

It's beautiful, smart, funny girls like you that make me wonder if I'm too young to settle down right now.

 

As for being bored when you're married someday, cross that bridge when you get to it. But what do you value most in life, and what are your goals? Are you afraid that if you settle down and a "better" woman comes along, you'll be screwed and tied down? Amazing people come in and out of your life and will continue to in the future, so until you're sure you want to have kids and settle down, simply don't get married. Personally I'm afraid of marriage myself because my job will make me travel a lot, so this might pertain to you as well.

 

You covered it all, I don't think I'm really ready to settle down. I always figured that I would find the right girl once I had everything I wanted to do accomplished. She kind of fell into my life and I tried to stop myself from talking to her but I couldn't resist her, she's too cute...

 

I'm afraid of marriage for the same reason, I'm more afraid right now because I can't give her all the attention, affection, and happiness she deserves.

 

Keep your standards high and you wont regret settling down. You can keep them high if you're good with new people and situations.

 

[Devil Inside]

My biggest fear is that I might get bored or want more after finding someone to settle down with (marriage). I like the "other girl" so much right now because of the emotional/intellectual attraction, its something that so complex that doesn't have boundaries versus something finite like physical appearance.

 

Take it from me...do not get married until you are absolutely sure it is the right person, and that you are at a place in your life where you are happy with yourself and do not need a "perfect" partner to validate you.

 

If either of those things are not hitting on all cylinders...then it is a set up.

[MoreAwesomeUsername]

Take it from me...do not get married until you are absolutely sure it is the right person, and that you are at a place in your life where you are happy with yourself and do not need a "perfect" partner to validate you.

 

If either of those things are not hitting on all cylinders...then it is a set up.

 

I'm not looking for validation but I see your point, it's so hard to know absolutely when it's the right person...