JL911 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Well I'll have you know that I am completely over my ex and have just recently started a new and wonderful relationship with a new gal. I dont even think about my ex anymore. When you are ready, you tend to drop your gaurd and let someone in...Thats kind of how it happened...Im crazy about her... Honestly...The first few months I feel are the hardest, but over time you tend to find yourself and get over the initial shock and awe of a hurtful breakup...You pick up the pieces and move on, and encouraging yourself to date is probaly the best thing you can do. Im actually happier now, than I was in the past. This new girl has literally broke the mold for me. You need to know that eventually another even more wonderful individual awaits you, but that doesnt even mean that the next one will be for certain either... It does make me look at my current relationship a lot differently and I think I came into it with a whole new outlook on how things are suppose to work and how things are suppose to be. I entered it with a new confidence and with a whole new mindset and have been having a ton of fun being myself. That this could probaly end at any point, so I am going to have a lot of fun at the same time.
Broseph Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Soulbear, Cali, & JL911, You guys are the biggest champs ever. I mean you dont have to but you come on here to support complete strangers in hopes of making there days easier props
onewillburn Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Soulbear, Cali, & JL911, You guys are the biggest champs ever. I mean you dont have to but you come on here to support complete strangers in hopes of making there days easier props Yeah, it's pretty cool of you guys. I notice that a lot of people tend to drop off this site when they start getting better, which is totally understandable, but I appreciate it when those who made it through come back for support. Hopefully I'll be able to do the same. Congratulations, though. I hope things work out well for you.
Author JL911 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 My biggest advice is to push yourself....And I mean push yourself hard...Its amazing how much you can bear as far as emotional pain is concerned.... Get out meet some girls...YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE AND EVERYTHING TO GAIN....It took me a few months to get myself somewhat motivated but I did.... Scream, break stuff, get yourself on and ride the emotional roller coaster as often as possible and get it all out...Finally let go and allow yourself to be happy... The 1st night I met my current GF I literally knew the reason for my break up because she is flat out amazing....It keeps getting better....Each relationship I enter continues to get better and better...and well, now I am happy the break up occured because I never would have met this wonderful, beautiful, and sexy girl had I not been putting myself out there... NOW FOR THE TOUGH LOVE: Your relationship is over...there is no hope to reconsile...STOP STOP NOW AND ACCEPT IT...You are capable of much more than waiting on someone who has no idea if they want a relationship with you...Go find someone who does...It took me awhile to push through this, but I did, and I became happy again and then found someone again to spend time with... Thanks for the kind words, but honestly some of the best therapy is helping others through the same experience...Close friends of mine are having similar issues and I see the writing on the wall for them and am helping them through the bs... I wish you all the best...This all happens on your own time...Do not delay...Life waits for no one...
Odyssey Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Nice post. JL911, is right. Each relationship does get better every time. But more importantly, you'll come through as a better person too. And that's a encouraging thought...
Author JL911 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 I remember the thought of hopelessness when what I thought I had found ended very unexpectedly...I remember my posts, in fact have read some of my old stuff and cannot believe how I was... The new one is truly amazing, I dont know if I love her yet, but I can see myself developing some strong feelings for her if how we are continues. I entered this relationship more open and truthful about who I am than ever before. I wont say I have lied to girls in the past, but I think all of us are slightly guilty of putting up a little bit of a front when it comes to trying to impress and attract someone...
quarterlifecrisis Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 JL, great inspirational post. Something that I hope happens to me in the near future. how many months did it take for you to get over your ex? And how many months until you met the new girl? Everyone is different, but it doesn't hurt to know how long others took in recovery and eventually, forward movement and growth. Thanks.
Author JL911 Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Honestly I cant really narrow it down to a given time...It was probaly 2 months of just worrying about my needs as a person and venting the frustration followed by a month of just straight up partying before I felt like I wanted someone back in my life again even after that it took me some more time to. I am not going to put up how long it has taken me, I do not need to start setting time lines for people, or maybe make others feel worse that are taking longer than I to push through...It's is just not important... I did meet a girl prior to this one, who I was interested in, but it just didnt seem to work out...We hung out for a few weeks, never had anything happen. I liked her, but for whatever reason just didnt want to continue to chase her or try. I kinda lost interest and quit chasing her after a few of my advances werent really responded to as I thought they should be. Maybe it was timing, maybe it was fate. I met the current lady shortly after I stopped chasing...We dated for like 3 weeks until I finally figured I wanted to explore the possibilities and persue her and only her. So far it keeps a huge smile on my face...Just as I told her...be damned if I dont go after something I want... What is really important is you 1st need to worry about yourself and become very selfish about your needs as a person and focus on that and really only that, have it consume your day to day life...Once you establish your needs and you become comfortable and happy again with who you are, then, and only then, can you invite someone into your life to share in your happiness... I have always been a 1 woman guy...I focus on one at a time...That usually allows me to become a better judge of their character without any outside influence...I have broken things off with people and kinda told them it is just not what I want...I however was able to come to those conclusions prior to any stong feelings being established by either party and things ended rather well...
McGrupp Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 awesome thread. i just got back from the bar and feel like, well you all know. none of these girls are as pretty as me ex, none will match up, blah blah blah anyway this thread lifted me up. i feel the same way about some girls being interested and me not even having the energy to chase them. i cant wait to be where you are. i know its in the mail. i jst have to push myself
Author JL911 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 awesome thread. i just got back from the bar and feel like, well you all know. none of these girls are as pretty as me ex, none will match up, blah blah blah anyway this thread lifted me up. i feel the same way about some girls being interested and me not even having the energy to chase them. i cant wait to be where you are. i know its in the mail. i jst have to push myself Common problem you are going through...For the longest time I couldnt figure out how I would ever move on and find someone as "perfect" (BS) as what I had...Would you believe me if i said my new gf is more attractive to me, more fun to be around, and can make decisions on her own, and survive without calling me 10 times a day..Will it last who knows, but it sure seems like a better fit at this time... I was there but then really took a good look at how I viewed my role in my relationship prior to it ending and well I was doing all the work as far as going out, making choices, ect...You need to first view why the relationship ended...Was it honestly your fault or were you blamed for everything? If you see things that you did wrong or were an issue, and natrually there are a few things....Refelect on them positivly and work on them in your next relationship...It will only make you a stronger partner for the next lucky person... There are no victims in relationships...Just casualties due to poor judgement...Great part is, you get to keep trying and get stronger with each effort... Be happy with yourself and move past this terrible event...I know how much it hurts and what walls you put up...The next person you find to be of interest will act in such a way that you will lower your gaurd and want to try again...
McGrupp Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 do attribute a lot of your healing to meeting someone new? i feel like for guys you need to meet someone soon or the hurt will fester. a lot of guys with success around here have found someone new...
machimoo Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 JL911, you are a legend! So positve and honest, thank you for your posts! I'm currently going through a break up at the moment and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's still very raw and I have a couple of months of rollercoaster in front of me, but what you gave was such an honest account that it doesn't seem so bad at the moment. I can do emotions, I'm good at feelings, I've done hurt and pain before and come out so much stronger, so that sounds bearable! Thank you for your encouragement!
Author JL911 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 (edited) do attribute a lot of your healing to meeting someone new? i feel like for guys you need to meet someone soon or the hurt will fester. a lot of guys with success around here have found someone new... No I was not open to the idea of someone new at all after the breakup.....I focused on myself for a good 2 months...Very selfish...doing everything I wanted without considering anyone from my friends to my family Once I got my mind back under control i fell into a deadspin of constant partying...drinking became a new past time...Im 26 and have done my share of partying, but once again started hitting the bottle with friends and having a good time getting drunk without having to worry about anything...It got old...So i kinda cut it out and slowed down... One night hanging out with some friends I walked up to the bar and struck up a conversation with a gal at the bar who was haning out with her friend the bartender who I know...I kinda sat down got into conversation and proceeded to drop my gaurd it just happened...I wasnt looking... You cannot link your happiness to being in a relationship...This one may end...it may not...Either way, i realize im not hopeless and can be happy with someone else... Im not a legend...I just know where all of you are...and ive been there...And want to say that you too will find happiness again...and again...and again Do I think finding someone new has helped...No, but i believe it is the final step in getting over someone.... Edited October 26, 2009 by JL911
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