Heartbroken09 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Itried to split with my boyfriend telling him to leave as we werent working out, and i have serious self esteem/trust issues (it litterly is a case of 'its not you its me') But he said no we cant split it feels too right etc. I only see him wed-sat, he has now decided that lets just wait untill the end of this week so we continue it good till the very end and can start a fresh week. I just do not see the point! Im trying to enjoy these few days with him but its very frustrating staying with him when he knows how i feel/i know its going to end on sat. I thought maybe he just wanted to have sex while he was around this week with me but i said no to it and he was fine. So he just wants to take me out etc/act like a perfectly fine couple for nothing till sat. I hadnt seen him for a week before i sent the break up text and now ive seen him again im back emotionally involved I do not get on what is going through this guys mind. He knows im very dependant on him and that he kind of has to walk away because i cant (no matter how crap we are sometimes i love him to pieces). But he said he will never walk away as he cares too much and blames me being paranoid etc on me just have a 'grumpy' day! He doesnt get how serious i am and is very laid back, but i just feel argh the one time i got the strength up to say i wanted to finish it and he wont let me. Alot of you will just say go straight NC ignore him etc but it is just too hard for me at the mo. Obvioulsy went out/slept in same bed last night - should i just carry this on till sat for an easy life and hope then i can walk away. The trouble is now i know we are going to end on like a certain day when we say goodbye (its half long distance) on sat. Im getting really emotional about it and i wasnt like this before when speaking about it he said i think he has no emotions and doesnt care. I said to him i think he does have emotions but i know it would really effect him breaking up alot less than it would do me. Our relationship has had alot of problems especially at the moment an ex of his being around, but otherwise there has been cheating, depression from both sides etc. I dont get why he wont let us walk in seperate directions i hate to say it but for an easier life now. I said to him im not saying we wont get back together maybe we just need space and he replied '2 people who really like each other dont seperate, that doesnt make life easier' argh so much on my chest right now.
TaraMaiden Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 It's up to you. It's all up to you. Why are you so dependent on him? Why do you THINK you are so dependent on him? More importantly, why does HE think you're so dependent on him? If you want to break up with him, then either you do - because actually, you're not as dependent on him as he thinks you are - and is trying to make you believe - or you are overly dependent on him, therefore, only break up with him when he says so! If he thinks you're so dependent on him, then he's playing with your mind. I actually think there's a possibility of the fact that he's dependent on you - to fix his ego, make him feel good, let him know he's indispensable, and the most important thing in your life - so of course you wouldn't break up with him... you need him, right? You can't live without him, right? He's your world, right? WRONG!! Tell him it's over, and cut him off completely! Don't talk to him, see him, respond to him or text him, don't answer the phone, accept his emails or connect with him at all! by the sound of it, he actually has low self-esteem, and the issues with his ex- would seem to bear this out. THIS - IS - NOT - YOUR - PROBLEM. This is for him to work through, but he's making it sound as it the need and dependency is all on your side.... It isn't. I think he's latching onto you as a support - but for all the wrong reasons, because dependency isn't love. Be strong and cut the ties. Work on you and become the kind of woman that you know you can. But you never will, as long as he clings like a leech, and makes you think he's doing you a favour.
Odyssey Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Heartbroken, why do you say, "he needs to walk away", for it to end? It's obvious he won't and he has repeated this to you. This isn't a democracy, where you both need the same consensus, for it to end. You have to find the strength to do it. You have to be the one to take responsibility for your life. It is really down to you. TaraMaiden is right, if you really want to breakup with your bf...then you have got to be strong and follow through with what you say. By going back to him, just shows him that you're not serious and makes it even harder for you to let go. It's your life, so it's up to you to take control of it.
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