MizzBlue72 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I was shocked when the MM I am having an A with found my posts on here. I didn't tell him about posting on here, and I wasn't sure how he found me on here. First - I was scared, since I really poured a lot of my emotions out in these boards that I never told anyone. It's not like you can tell your friends or family that you are having an affair. Over the last year, I have had many ups and downs and have received a lot of thought provoking information from this forum. I am really glad he did find my posts though. It really got us talking about feelings that I was not able to express to him. I was wondering if anyone else has had this same experience?
mybrowneyedgirl Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Ouch! This is my fear. I certainly wouldnt want him reading this, but he easily could and figure me out instantly. In fact, earlier I saw a post where something was written and was sure it was him. Tried to look back at other things that person posted but it didnt get me anywhere. i hope its not.
jwi71 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 First - I was scared, since I really poured a lot of my emotions out in these boards that I never told anyone. It's not like you can tell your friends or family that you are having an affair. Over the last year, I have had many ups and downs and have received a lot of thought provoking information from this forum. I am really glad he did find my posts though. It really got us talking about feelings that I was not able to express to him. I was wondering if anyone else has had this same experience? And I think this is the crux of, IMO, most affairs and unhappiness. One partner, I will guess out of fear, simply wont speak of their heart. Won't speak of unhappiness. Won't speak of unmet needs. Won't confront the issues between them. They run...better to run to another than face the spouse and oneself. Fear of rejection (of one's feelings). Too tired. Too angry. Too frustrated...too whatever. MizzBlue72...I am so sorry you endured this alone when, had you spoken, you would have known then what you learned now - and saved yourself this. I suspect this is true of most, if not all, posters here. I would urge, and do, that open and honest communication be the course of action. Speak not only of facts (ie the weather) but of what you want, need and deserve. If this is the one you love...who else should you open your heart? Open. Honest. Trustworthy. I'm so glad you posted this MizzBlue...I hope others see your words and understand them as I have... JW
jennie-jennie Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 My MM knows about this forum and he knows my username. He usually considers this to be my space and does not read here, but during our week of NC he read all my posts. MM and I talk a lot about our relationship, but it is important that this does not take too much space. Our relationship can not be just about our relationship. What would happen then if he DID divorce his wife to be with me? We would have nothing left. So since I have a greater need than he to discuss these issues, I read and post on Loveshack.
TaraMaiden Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 My partner will actually turn his head when I post a password to anything... he simply refuses to compromise his integrity, or my privacy. I have different PW's for different sites (general advice is to have more than one PW for different stuff). There's no way he would either know how to get on here, and neither would he wish to. However, he never goes on chatsites, and if he does get into discussions with people, he always shows me what he posts. it's never anything personal, and he never uses anything about our relationship as an example or illustration as a reply to anyone. he stays on complete neutral territory.... I don't know if this is unusual... he's a pretty unique kinda guy.... But it's an aspect of him I both admire and respect.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 jennie-jennie - i know this is off topic, but please remind me of your story. for some reason i thought you were no longer with MM.
boldjack Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 My wife has total access, and I have total acces to hers. No secrets, no worries.
jennie-jennie Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 jennie-jennie - i know this is off topic, but please remind me of your story. for some reason i thought you were no longer with MM. Teenage love contacted me 4 years ago. We have been in an EMR ever since. First 9 months EA, thereafter PA. I left my SO (the father of my children) because of our EMR. MM and I are in our fifties now. We went NC last month. It was supposed to last at least 3 months while he worked on his marriage. I broke NC day 1, but he was determined to continue. He broke NC 5 days later. We have now resumed our EMR, understanding even more how strong the bond between us is. We are still hoping we will find a resolution somehow someday so we won't have to be in an affair anymore. Whether it means it will be us two or he and his wife is still to be seen.
Lizzie60 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 This is strange.. you must have posted very personal details so that he could find you...
jennie-jennie Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) Removed because of misreading a prior post. Edited October 22, 2009 by jennie-jennie
Lizzie60 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Removed because of misreading a prior post. Oh sorry.. I was referring to the OP.
2sunny Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 this IS strange. how did he know you were here? i thought there are guidelines set up here so that an IP address can't be traced to this site. makes me wonder if he put a keylogger on your computer... otherwise - how would he know? maybe he's watching you more closely than you think, has he ever shown stalkerish tendencies? this would really bother me - if i were you.
Author MizzBlue72 Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 this IS strange. how did he know you were here? i thought there are guidelines set up here so that an IP address can't be traced to this site. makes me wonder if he put a keylogger on your computer... otherwise - how would he know? maybe he's watching you more closely than you think, has he ever shown stalkerish tendencies? this would really bother me - if i were you. I should have been more descriptive - sorry. MM also posted on here because we tried NC and he found this site on his own. I did post some stuff on here that was 'very descriptive' and my user name - he found me through my user name. I use that for another site... yeah - should have thought harder about a user name. We do talk about a LOT ... but in the beginning, when we started the A, it was NSA. We both discovered that we could not do NSA, and we fell for each other, but he wanted to make it work with his wife, etc. So - that is where I started posting.
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I have mixed feelings about this issue. My H knows that I post here, but I don't think that he would ever bother reading my posts. He read my diary once years ago, and learned a very painful lesson. Very painful for HIM. I have my H's passwords. He doesn't have mine. He doesn't want them. If he ever changes his mind, I would give them to him. I wouldn't want him reading my posts here, though. Knowing my password is one thing. I don't want him knowing my thoughts unless I share them with him directly. And I have no problem stating my feelings on ANYTHING.
Devil Inside Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I have often wondered if either my W or xAP would ever venture onto this site and be able to pick me out of the crowd. There have even been a few ties when I thought my xAP was one of you ladies...I was always relieved that it was not the case. It would be alarming...not because I do not write the truth...but because I am so uncensored with my thoughts on this site. I use it to process the many things that go through my mess of a head. I would also never want my W to read some of the intense emotions I had for xAP. I know that she knows how I felt...but to read them would be a different story all together.
fooled once Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 MB - are you asking if my spouse knows I post here or are you asking OW/OM if their affair person knows they post here? If you are asking if my spouse knows, yep, he knows. IF this site had been around when I was in my affair, I would NOT have wanted the MM I was seeing to find my posts here. I don't think you (general you) can over communicate in a relationship. Communication is key to a good, healthy, solid relationship IMHO.
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