LoneWolfie Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Hello, I have a very outgoing girlfriend who likes to dress and act really sexy in skimpy/slutty outfits. Such as a tiny bikini set when she goes to a pool party or dancing very sexy in clubs. She admitted herself that she used to be well....a slut, until about a year before we met. Now im a guy that can get jealous or insecure now and then, but i have made huge progress in that area. (Im slightly proud of that ) I believe i should allow my girlfriend to do whatever she likes and not forbid her anything. She respects this and often comes to me to ask if im comfortable if she does activity X or Y. Im always comfortable with what she wants to do as long as she acts decently; such as keeping her clothes on, no flirting with guys unless they are best friends who know its meaningless playfulness, no rubbing/grinding/dry-humping while dancing, no sexual acts, etc, pretty logical stuff in my opinion. Any time i feel uncomfortable with something she decides not to do that activity. (Note: the reverse also applies. I gave up watching porn for example, because it hurt her self-esteem knowing i got off watching other girls having sex. I also keep a respectable emotional/physical distance from other girls, as she gets very jealous sometimes.) Her dressing in very tiny bikini's is pretty much on the very edge of my comfort zone. I guess i would prefer her covering up a tiny bit more skin then just the nipples and the area directly around it of her ample bossom, but then again, that bikini does expose her breast tattoo that has my name on it, so everyone can see im the only one that gets to see more. (Thats the reason she had the tattoo, to show she's happily 'taken' and guys dont need to try anything.) Anyway, im getting side-tracked: My girlfriend was chatting with some of her female friends for a while and then she came up to me and asked me if she could go to a bi festival. (my girlfriend is bi-sexual aswell btw). I told her again she can do whatever she wants and that as long as she doesnt do the things i feel are indecent (read above) i dont feel any discomfort. Now one of her friends heard her question and my reply and basically said she thought it was sad that my gf had to ask me 'permission' to do anything, and that i was not respecting her freedom. One of her other female friends then also jumped in and told me i was 'keeping my girlfriend on a leash'. Now my girlfriend was not at all happy at the reaction from her friends and told them to leave me alone and that i was not restricting her in any way. I (wisely i think) kept a neutral approach and just replied with "she wasnt asking for permission, just checking if im comfy with it. Even if i wasnt i would not forbid her to go". I never gave setting comfort boundaries in a relationship a 2nd thought, it seemed natural to give up a few things here and there to help your partner feel more comfortable. However, this is my first relationship and i am curious to hear what other people are uncomfortable with and how they go about setting or 'enforcing' boundaries.
BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) Yeah I think you've got it right, and wasn't enforcing in anyway. She was asking you out of RESPECT. I find it amazing her friends don't get that. Shallow people are unable to relate to such things. Freedom is the most important thing for shallow people, freedom to do whatever they want to do. Rules, respect and anything decent is boring....... Edited October 22, 2009 by BookerT
Johnny M Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) I think you've got it exactly right. You've given up a few things that make her uncomfortable (i.e. watching porn) and so must she. And the fact that your girl is a "natural-born slut" means that she needs to inquire about your comfort level with some of her "activities" more frequently than the average female. Beware of her friends though. If they say sh*t like that in front of you, who knows what they tell her when you're not around...Just because she thinks of those girls as her "friends" doesn't mean they actually are. They could be intentionally trying to ruin your relationship. If I was you, I would have a talk with your girl and explain that to her (though you need to be indirect and diplomatic about the way you explain it). Edited October 22, 2009 by Johnny M
Author LoneWolfie Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 I think you've got it exactly right. You've given up a few things that make her uncomfortable (i.e. watching porn) and so must she. And the fact that your girl is a "natural-born slut" means that she needs to inquire about your comfort level with some of her "activities" more frequently than the average female. Beware of her friends though. If they say sh*t like that in front of you, who knows what they tell her when you're not around...Just because she thinks of those girls as her "friends" doesn't mean they actually are. They could be intentionally trying to ruin your relationship. If I was you, I would have a talk with your girl and explain that to her (though you need to be indirect and diplomatic about the way you explain it). She actually brought that up herself and said if they keep talking bad about me without knowing me or our relationship she is going to stop hanging out with them. I was actually suprised by the aggressive way she said this, she clearly had a little chat with her 'friends' to set them strait. My gf is a sweet angel, until someone tries to hurt her, me or our relationship, then she's an avenging angel of death.
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