BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) Long but interesting story. So last night I had dinner with a female friend I haven't seen in years. She told me recently she went to Rome with friends, and there so met a Spanish guy. Her and her friends met the guy and his friends in a club and the first night she saw him kissing and hugging one of her friends, so she thought he was a player. The next night because one of the other girls liked and wanted to hang out with the guy's brother she had to hang out with the guy for the entire night. Over the course of the night she found the guy wasn't all that bad at all and was a really "nice" guy. By the next day she felt she could really open up to the guy and no one had ever understood her so much in her entire life. So when the guy suggested flying from Rome to Spain, she went with him..........after knowing him 2 days. She then spent two weeks there and had the best two weeks of her life, even though she says she knew the guy would have broken her heart if she stayed longer. She was saying how the guy told her about his former 1.5 yr relationship with a girl, and cheated on her once in a while. But the other girl stayed with him, and told him she just didn't want to know it if he was with someone else. I got to give it to this guy, he's damn good. So now my friend says she's screwed in the head. She says because of the two weeks looking back all her previous relationships seemed so boring. Her ex boyfriend who she dated for 3.5 years and a friend of mine was boring and didn't have much to say, even though I know the guy is not boring. So basically, her experience was just like the movie Vicky Christina Barcelona, and she met a master seducer and now she's going to find every guy she meets friggin boring and will gravitate towards players with sweet talk. She's normally a very responsible person just like Vicky in the movie, totally flipped around over a really short space of time. What's driving this insanity? Edited October 22, 2009 by BookerT
UbiJW Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Honestly it sounds like insecurity. This chick gets taken by this master seducer and he kinda of shows her a fantasy world thats not real, like shes not happy with her real life and this fantasy makes it easy to forget about real life kind of like when you start dating someone and theres that crazy in love nothing in the real world matters part. That would be my guess. She'll realize someday it wasnt as great as it seemed like a vacation? Or maybe theres just guys out there that can rock chicks world hahaha.
Scottdmw Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Well, sleeping with a guy can do that to a woman. That's basically what a guy like this does, makes it easy for her to forget any restraint and move forward with the relationship very rapidly. Then she has to justify to herself why she did it, and it's far easier to believe that the guy is amazing and different than anyone else than it is for her to admit she made a bad decision or even a hasty one. Plus there's the whole hormonal bonding from sex thing. When she says other guys were boring it is quite possibly more a statement about her current emotions then what she really felt back then or what she might feel in the future if she gets over this guy. Scott
Author BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Yeah I agree with your responses guys. I just find it amazing how extreme the swing could be, that a girl that's been sensible her whole life gets totally swept off her feet and now can't think straight. Amazing how powerful the right moves can be, at the right time, on the right person. I think as in the case of Vicky in the movie. A woman that's dated good but slightly boring men (even if they're not) and never really experience crazy passion are more likely to be prone to these swings. I hope she realizes though that reality, and real men can't provide the fantasy world forever.
Skump Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I think as in the case of Vicky in the movie. A woman that's dated good but slightly boring men (even if they're not) and never really experience crazy passion are more likely to be prone to these swings. "Good" guys lose to casanovas in part because they discount their own value by behaving according to silly PC pieties. For instance: Every guy should make it abundantly clear he will immediately kick any piece of trash to the curb who violates the scared bonds of a committed relationship. This is important: By doing this, he helps to establish his value, and thus he should do it regardless of whether he would countenance forgiveness or not. IMO, no man should ever confess even the possibility that he would forgive an unfaithful spouse - immediate drop in perceived value. I know guys with the personality of a brick on a cold night in Anchorage who have wives who (genuinely) adore them. What's the secret? Well, it's probably no coincidence that they're very confident and exude that "I just don't really need anyone vibe." Their wives respond to that. It's power.
You'reasian Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) So now my friend says she's screwed in the head. She says because of the two weeks looking back all her previous relationships seemed so boring. Her ex boyfriend who she dated for 3.5 years and a friend of mine was boring and didn't have much to say, even though I know the guy is not boring. So basically, her experience was just like the movie Vicky Christina Barcelona, and she met a master seducer and now she's going to find every guy she meets friggin boring and will gravitate towards players with sweet talk. She's normally a very responsible person just like Vicky in the movie, totally flipped around over a really short space of time. What's driving this insanity? The guy may or may not have been interested in her and used his resources and good planning to romance her. Women are interested in men who have a lot of money. Women are interested in men whom they also find attractive and pamper them. This woman finds wealthy, attractive, attentive and conversational men exciting. Your friend that she said was boring probably does exciting things but is mild-mannered. Edited October 22, 2009 by You'reasian
UbiJW Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Many so called good guys use their "goodness" as the justification of their inability to command respect from women, players like this Casanova are the opposite they use their ability to bed women like your freind as a justification to themselves of why they are *******s and won't have a real relantionship with someone. Most guys like that that I know have a deep misogny at some level. But I also can't stand the nice guy bull****. I'm KIND but u don't tolerate cheating lieing scandalous girls. But I'm don't think I'm anywhere close to boring haha maybe there's a balance between the extremes?
CaliGuy Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Some women thrive on drama. Trust me, that is NOT the kind of woman men want to date or marry. If there's too much drama for me, I boot her to the curb. It's that simple. I do not want/need unnecessary drama in my life.
BG1985 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 This is nothing more than being on vacation. Girls are a lot more open to seduction when they are on vacation, especially outside the country where nobody knows them. They get caught up in the thrill of everything that's going on around them, even exotic Spanish guys. They don't have to worry about the stresses of school or work. I think girls hook up with guys on vacation when they normally wouldn't do the same at home.
torranceshipman Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Wow, Scott is bang on the money....good post.
salem mark Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 easy, it only lasted 2 weeks if she stayed 2 months im sure she'd feel differently
Author BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 This is nothing more than being on vacation. Girls are a lot more open to seduction when they are on vacation, especially outside the country where nobody knows them. They get caught up in the thrill of everything that's going on around them, even exotic Spanish guys. They don't have to worry about the stresses of school or work. I think girls hook up with guys on vacation when they normally wouldn't do the same at home. Whilst that's partly true, she now has a different perception of how relationships should be or how men should act. What this relationship did was an accelerated process of what happens to a lot of women. They get seduced by a guy that's totally elevated the charm and confidence, to a level a normal guy not playing the game will lack. Then they start accepting this is the target for them, and find normal men boring, and start to wonder why they keep dating jerks over and over again.
AD1980 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Whilst that's partly true, she now has a different perception of how relationships should be or how men should act. What this relationship did was an accelerated process of what happens to a lot of women. They get seduced by a guy that's totally elevated the charm and confidence, to a level a normal guy not playing the game will lack. Then they start accepting this is the target for them, and find normal men boring, and start to wonder why they keep dating jerks over and over again. Women are very vulenrable emotionally they can be easily swayed by a smooth talking bs because its what they want to hear even if the guys full of ****
BG1985 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) Good point, Booker T. With that having been said, it may take her time and few broken relationships to realize that what she and the Spaniard had was nothing more than a fantasy relationship that isn't real. If not, she'll die miserable not being able to replicate what she had with the Spaniard. Salem Mark made a good point in that she only had the two-week spark with this guy, so she never got to see his bad side. Edited October 22, 2009 by BG1985
Sam Spade Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) Whilst that's partly true, she now has a different perception of how relationships should be or how men should act. What this relationship did was an accelerated process of what happens to a lot of women. They get seduced by a guy that's totally elevated the charm and confidence, to a level a normal guy not playing the game will lack. Then they start accepting this is the target for them, and find normal men boring, and start to wonder why they keep dating jerks over and over again. The question is, why is it abundantly clear to men what this kind of guy really is, but never to women . (They either indeed have smaller brains or simply don't use them.) For the longest time I ignored this type of guy as completely harmless piece of junk, but then I realized how stupid women can be, so now I do call such guys on their bull**** rather than ignore them. This is my small community service to the world. PS: My girlfriend earned a billion brownie points when she declared that the female characters in "Vicky Christina barcelona" are all idiots Edited October 22, 2009 by Sam Spade
Author BookerT Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 The question is, why is it abundantly clear to men what this kind of guy really is, but never to women . (They either indeed have smaller brains or simply don't use them.) For the longest time I ignored this type of guy as completely harmless piece of junk, but then I realized how stupid women can be, so now I do call such guys on their bull**** rather than ignore them. This is my small community service to the world. PS: My girlfriend earned a billion brownie points when she declared that the female characters in "Vicky Christina barcelona" are all idiots Because we're not gay and not attracted to the guy, lol. It's pretty much that simple. What I hate though is when a girl is attracted and starts thinking the guy is nice. Attraction doesn't equal nice, nice equals nice. WTF......
Johnny M Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 The question is, why is it abundantly clear to men what this kind of guy really is, but never to women . (They either indeed have smaller brains or simply don't use them.) For the longest time I ignored this type of guy as completely harmless piece of junk, but then I realized how stupid women can be, so now I do call such guys on their bull**** rather than ignore them. This is my small community service to the world. PS: My girlfriend earned a billion brownie points when she declared that the female characters in "Vicky Christina barcelona" are all idiots To be fair, many men are guilty of the similar behavior though....they gravitate to bitches, attention whores, drama queens, etc. I think it's just part of some people's nature: they enjoy being treated like sh*t.
Sam Spade Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Because we're not gay and not attracted to the guy, lol. It's pretty much that simple. What I hate though is when a girl is attracted and starts thinking the guy is nice. Attraction doesn't equal nice, nice equals nice. WTF...... Yes, and that's the true reason behind the "don't pay attention to what women say want in a guy" school of thought. It's not disrespect, but an acknowledgement of the simple fact that if she's attracted, it doesn't matter how bad she is treated (up to a point, one would hope ), and if she isn't attracted, no amount of positive assets will turn things arround.
carhill Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 OP, without reading the rest of the thread, my first response is you are so lucky this woman is not now and will never be more than a friend. She is exactly the poster child for what I mean about being happy such women blow on by to get to the players and sweet-talkers. Let them. Blow them kisses. Encourage them to keep moving. Drama is an ever elusive target
Author BookerT Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 OP, without reading the rest of the thread, my first response is you are so lucky this woman is not now and will never be more than a friend. She is exactly the poster child for what I mean about being happy such women blow on by to get to the players and sweet-talkers. Let them. Blow them kisses. Encourage them to keep moving. Drama is an ever elusive target I know. I just find it sad when I see someone I know is about to ruin their lives.
carhill Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 It's their life to ruin and you can't save the world. When you're stiff in the ground they won't care one whit about how much you cared. Harsh and cruel reality. Wish I had better news.
Author BookerT Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 I'm looking at this thread again, and I find it interesting that BG1985 is the only girl that posted on this thread? I assume all the other posters are guys from the way they wrote. What do the rest of the ladies think about this?
CLC2008 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 This has nothing to do with dating boring men, what this has to do with, is being manipulated by someone with malicious intent. It's about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And it's sad, because it happens in life quite a lot. And NO ONE is immune to it, no one. Doesn't matter how intelligent you are. And I don't look at the person whose doing it as a "player", I look at them as an evil person inside and out.
Author BookerT Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 This has nothing to do with dating boring men, what this has to do with, is being manipulated by someone with malicious intent. It's about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And it's sad, because it happens in life quite a lot. And NO ONE is immune to it, no one. Doesn't matter how intelligent you are. And I don't look at the person whose doing it as a "player", I look at them as an evil person inside and out. No one is immune to it, and yes both men and women do it. But what I am saying is are people totally oblivious to all this? It's like walking in a dangerous neighbourhood, you can't exactly push the blame when you get mugged. I don't think the model of building fantasies based on romantic love is wise anymore in this day and age. People that read too many romance novels, watch too many chick flicks and believe in an idealized version of love get their asses burnt.
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