juegosdeseduccion Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Ok so I am quite depressed and I started talking to this "counselor online" I won't say who he is, but this is what he responded, on how to get my ex back, and how to get over it, I just really want to know what do you guys think ok? "ROkay, I'm in the process of getting the finishing touches on the graphics, etc for this report. So, I'm going to give you the secrets to getting your ex to call you back in this email. And, make sure to read to the end because I have an extra surprise for you Here's what to do: First, you need to allow there to be some distance in the relationship. So if you've just broken up, or you've been calling over and over (like I used to) STOP. And then, wait for 2 weeks. Don't call, don't text, don't email, facebook, myspace, or use skywriting! I go into the why's of this in my book, but for this, just do what I'm saying- you'll thank me. Now, after waiting 2 weeks at a minimum, (3 weeks is best because of the way our brains process memories and habits) call (don't text) your ex. You're going to use a simple psychological truth to appeal to their desire. I'll go over the idea, then give you an example you can change for your situation. Most breakups have baggage. And this is why your ex doesn't want to talk to you. It's really not you they don't want to talk to. They don't want to have the feelings that come with it (guilt, sadness, anger, etc.) So, in order to get them to call you back and be glad they did, you need to change the feeling of the relationship. The idea is to make a call that is confident, fun and focused on THEM, not you. Make it short. You're going to think of something they really like, something that appeals to your ex and leave them a message about that. You're NOT going to ask them to call you back or ask to see them, just leave a fun message about something that interests them. So it goes like this: a girl I used to date was really into clothes at Betsy Johnson (it's an upscale women's clothing store). I had tried calling her, asking her to call me, but none of them worked. Here's what I did- I called her and said this: "Nadia, hey, I was just down shopping with a friend and as we walked by Betsy Johnson I noticed they are having a sale on summer dresses. They look super cute too. Anyway, I thought you might be interested in knowing about it. Hope you're well." Here's the magic of this -I'm talking to her about something she likes (betsy johnson clothes), not our relationship. -It also tells her I'm thinking of her, but not in a needy way. And who doesn't like to be thought of? -It also does her a favor, by telling her something she wouldn't have known otherwise. -Lastly, you aren't asking her (or him) to call you back. This is the real power. By getting in touch with your ex in a fun way and without expectation, you open the door for your ex to call YOU and to want to talk to you." Please tell me what you guys think about this, I need to have more opinions about this.
RedDevil66 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I don't see this as being effective. It's head games and something teenagers may do.
Surfgal Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I have to agree with the letter. I seen other methods in how to get your ex back and they have worked for many. First like always - give them time (minimum 2 plus weeks) You send them what you call a blame letter. It's a personal letter explaining that you had messed up and understand the break up and wish them well. See sample below: DEAR xxxx IT'S BEEN A FEW WEEKS WITH LOT'S OF REFLECTION AND INSIGHT, AND I HAVE SAY THAT I’VE COME TO REALIZE YOUR DECISION TO BREAK-UP WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND I APPRECIATE THE INTEGRITY YOU USED IN DOING IT.. WE'VE HAD SOME WONDERFUL TIMES TOGETHER, GREAT FRIENDSHIP, LOT'S OF FUN TIMES AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WAS GREAT! REALLY GREAT! YOU WERE THERE FOR ME THROUGH LOT'S OF UPS AND DOWNS (MOSTLY UPS). YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND FOR 5 YEARS AND BROUGHT A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS TO MY LIFE. YOU WERE SUCH A HUGE SUPPORT TO ME THROUGH MY MOM'S ILLNESS AND I'M NOT SURE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH THAT MEANT TO ME. YOUR A REALLY GOOD GUY xxxx THIS PAST YEAR WAS PRETTY TOUGH FOR ME. I HAD A LOT OF THINGS WEIGHING PRETTY HEAVILY ON MY SHOULDERS FROM A PERSONAL STAND POINT. WITH MY MOM AND WORK AND OTHER ISSUES GOING ON IN MY HEAD I WAS REALLY STUCK IN A RUT. FEELING KINDA LOW AND NOT REALLY PURSUING MUCH OF ANYTHING. I PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON OUR RELATIONSHIP TO FULFILL THE HAPPINESS I WASN'T FEELING FROM OTHER ASPECTS OF MY LIFE. THAT'S A LOT TO ASK OF SOMEONE ELSE. I THINK I TOOK YOU FOR GRANTED (UNINTENTIONALLY OF COURSE) AND I'M SORRY FOR THAT. IT’S TOUGH BEING HUMAN SOMETIMES. BUT I THINK THAT MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE SPARK AND BOND TO GET THROUGH IT. I WAS STUCK, YOU WERE STUCK AND OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS STUCK. I CAN'T BLAME YOU FOR WANTING TO FEEL ALIVE AGAIN ON THAT SKI SLOPE. I DON’T THINK I WOULD HAVE SEEN ALL THAT HAD WE NOT BROKEN UP. OUR BREAK-UP HAS BEEN PRETTY EYE OPENING AND HAS GIVEN ME THE ABILITY TO SEE THAT I STILL HAVE A LOT OF LIFE TO LIVE AND I’M READY TO TAKE THE WORLD ON AGAIN AND OPEN MYSELF UP INSTEAD OF LIVING IN A BOX. IT‘S BEEN INCREDIBLY AWAKENING.. I REALIZE THAT OUR GOALS ARE NO LONGER THE SAME BUT I AM SURE OF ONE THING....YOU ARE PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS I'VE EVER HAD AND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO BE YOUR FRIEND. IF YOU FEEL LIKE CALLING TO SAY HI OF DROP AN E-MAIL. I WOULD WELCOME THAT. I WISH YOU THE BEST FOR THE NEW YEAR. HAPPINESS AND THAT BEAUTIFUL DREAM YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR. I HOPE YOU FIND IT. The abov is a perfect example of a blame letter. What it does it shows them that you understand the break up and you accept your responsbility and you let them go. I have friends that have used it and haven gotten the ex's back. But the real work happens after you get them back. You really need to work on the inner transformation of your being. Just passing some other methods that have worked. Good Luck
McGrupp Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) i find this all very intriguing. i wonder what other ls'ers think and how deos that get your ex back? arent we supposed to be avoiding being friends. Edited October 22, 2009 by McGrupp
McGrupp Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 im bumping this up, because im wondering why such a thing(this letter) would work and why?
Ronni_W Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) The theory/principles are sound. But if your ex is not interested in getting back with you, NOTHING is going to "work" -- it won't matter if you do or don't also know some of the psychology. What he's saying is important for every relationship, though - past, current or future: Stop being needy (heal your own stuff), show a genuine interest in your partner, and put in the effort to keep the relationship fresh and fun. EDIT: Sounds like the guy is setting up his "clients" to buy his book/report -- there are better out there, that focus more on how to stop being needy in the first place. Edited October 22, 2009 by Ronni_W noted
Logik Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 If you're meant to be together, it's gonna happen, no matter what you do. Carrying on with your life is the only thing you can do. All these letters and methods just give you a chance at maybe speeding up what would've happened anyway, only if it's meant to happen. Stay friendly with her if she contacts you or if you bump into each other, don't contact her. If she wants to be with you, she'll let you know. Otherwise, carry on with your life without her. I promise you, once the initial pain goes away and some time has passed, you'll wonder why you tried to control something that you had no control over. It makes the healing that much harder and longer. Let go. Sorry this sounds harsh, but come back and read this in a year's time and you'll agree with every word, whichever way your situation turns out.
Odyssey Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Well...i can't speak for everyone, but that didn't work for me...because she was already with someone else (her ex-bf in fact). I did casually mentioned "there's a course i'd came across that would totally suit her". Her reply was "Thanks for telling me, it was perfect. But i'm moving on, time for you to do the same". She wasn't stupid and could sense that by just contacting her, i wasn't over her and just wanted her back. If anything by keeping the 'door' open just prevented me from moving on from the agony. Saying that, it really depends on what kind of breakup it is. Initially, i do believe that you should do your best to 'win' them back, but after some time, you just have to accept that you've done your best. Cut your losses and go NC with total conviction. From my experience, if they really wanted you back, they would go through hell to do it, even then there's no guarantee that will last.
ecm Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I think you're setting your up to go nuts if you leave your ex an open ended message. If you are doing well with NC, I think it's the worst thing you can do. If he doesn't respond, then what? You'll be setting yourself to flip out & start calling again b/c you'll feel like a chooch b/c he didn't respond. It's definitely a sales pitch. Are you PAYING for this "counselor"?????
Author juegosdeseduccion Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 No, I am not paying for this, I am not going to do this exactly, although I am sure that this may or may not work, it does make sense, the guy is trying to sell his book, but c'mon, I want to try to get her back, not by begging her, or annoying, but I want to understand that has been done, I want to accept her decision, and if she doesn't comeback, I at least want her to know that I learned from this, this may sound like bs, but if does work, who is laughing now? and if it doesn't, well at least I tried, I am countinuing my life this just something extra.
McGrupp Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 its strange but that letter really pertains to my situation. i think id rather stay NC, but maybe i would send something like that in time, when i really felt what that letter is saying. and i dont think im to far off. idk about the friends part though. i dont want to stay her friend if she is seeing someone else. that would suck
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