irishfire Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Need some sage advice. My fella masturbated to orgasm after I left the bedroom just after we had finished having sex. He has not reached orgasm with me for 2 months. I think there is something seriously wrong. HELP.
Fallen Angel Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 If I may ask, why was sex "finished" if he hadn't yet reached orgasm?
CarrieT Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 And why did you leave the bedroom and not stay to be part of it?
Author irishfire Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Well he had gone soft and I am not sure how long shall I stay in bed...He is 14yrs older than I and does not have that long of stamina...goes soft often during sex. Maybe it is just me and I don't do what turns it on for him. I am always ready and willing. What gives with him waiting for me to leave the room?
Lizzie60 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Well he had gone soft and I am not sure how long shall I stay in bed...He is 14yrs older than I and does not have that long of stamina...goes soft often during sex. Maybe it is just me and I don't do what turns it on for him. I am always ready and willing. What gives with him waiting for me to leave the room? I don't know how old he is.. but he definitely has ED... so masturbation for him is easier to reach an orgasm.. cause that way he has full control... (with his hand)... or maybe.. he's not that aroused by you.. or you don't know exactly how to please him... Have a 'serious' talk and ask him .. what turns him on.. what he likes best.. etc..
Fallen Angel Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Well he had gone soft and I am not sure how long shall I stay in bed...He is 14yrs older than I and does not have that long of stamina...goes soft often during sex. Maybe it is just me and I don't do what turns it on for him. I am always ready and willing. What gives with him waiting for me to leave the room? I agree with Lizz.. talk to him. Perhaps there is another position that would work better to keep him aroused? Some dirty talk? Oral sex? Anal? If it has been going on for awhile he may just be lacking in confidence, since he probably feels your disappointment when he can't reach orgasm. perhaps he should make an appointment with his doctor, there could be a physical condition causing his failure to maintain erection. There could be many reasons, but the fact that he "finishes" alone tells me they are probably emotional rather than physical, but I am no doctor... Communication, LOVING communication is the key, whether it is a physical problem or an emotional problem. Knowing that you still love him, and desire him enough to want to work through it is the first step towards him seeking help to fix it. Good Luck.
deux ex machina Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Well he had gone soft and I am not sure how long shall I stay in bed...He is 14yrs older than I and does not have that long of stamina...goes soft often during sex. I agree with Lizzie, in that it sounds like ED. He should see a doctor soon though, because it could be any number of other things - plus, you will both want to fully understand this. Maybe it is just me and I don't do what turns it on for him. Please, please, please, I beg of you not to personalize this. It will hurt him in ways I am not sure you can appreciate if you do. A woman can destroy a man if she lacks understanding when it comes to sex. I am always ready and willing. What gives with him waiting for me to leave the room? He doesn't want to hurt you. You will have to make sure he has faith in you - that he can feel safe. If he needs stimulation orally and/or with your hand, ect. you can do that with plenty of intimacy and satisfaction for both parties. Right up against each other. You can still have that warmth. Done the right way, you miss nothing...you can even have more.
giotto Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 jus talk to him, gently... ask him what really turns him on and what you can do sexwise to fullfil his needs... then, obviously, it could also be ED... how old is he?
asireen Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Well he had gone soft and I am not sure how long shall I stay in bed...He is 14yrs older than I and does not have that long of stamina...goes soft often during sex. Maybe it is just me and I don't do what turns it on for him. I am always ready and willing. What gives with him waiting for me to leave the room? The good news is that he is hard at some point. For some men, mental arousal is neccessary. If he feels you are not into him and the act has become mechanical, he can lose the erection. Age could be playing a part in this, staying hard is inversely proportional to age, in most cases. Decreasing the frequency may help.
soserious1 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 The number one reason for this problem is that the man is not physically aroused by the woman enough to keep an erection and reach orgasm. Time to move on, before he gets right up in your face and tells you that he finds you repulsive physically and that's why he can't orgasm with you. been there, done that and have the tee shirt.
asireen Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 The number one reason for this problem is that the man is not physically aroused by the woman enough to keep an erection and reach orgasm. Possible, but age of the man matters too. Time to move on, before he gets right up in your face and tells you that he finds you repulsive physically and that's why he can't orgasm with you. Jumping the gun is not a good idea. 'I better get out before he dumps me. That way "I" dump him and not the other way around.' I think it is premature to call it quits. been there, done that and have the tee shirt. You can show off your t shirt and prove that you are the dumper. I think it is silly to wear such a t shirt. What do you prove? And who cares??
soserious1 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Possible, but age of the man matters too. Jumping the gun is not a good idea. 'I better get out before he dumps me. That way "I" dump him and not the other way around.' I think it is premature to call it quits. You can show off your t shirt and prove that you are the dumper. I think it is silly to wear such a t shirt. What do you prove? And who cares?? It isn't about "proving" anything and it sure isn't about being able to tell people that you were "the dumper" Men who suffer with retarded ejaculation don't usually just snap out of it, barring any treatable medical issue the problem is generally mental and in most cases caused by the man not reaching a high enough arousal threshold with the woman in question to reach orgasm. After weeks, months and years of trying different things, after a million heartfelt talks.. when the truth finally comes out, your self esteem has been ripped to shreds for years and the marriage ends anyway. My biggest regret about my divorce isn't that the marriage ended but rather that I didn't see and accept the truth a lot sooner than I did. Curiously,My Ex who couldn't climax with me had zero trouble doing so with porn, with web cam girls and with real women he picked up on craig's list. Over time his inability to perform with me became like a rotting cancer that killed the marriage and most of my self-esteem. The OP is young enough to start over and given the circumstances she's mentioned I 'd suggest that unless her partner agrees to seek immediate help and treatment with her that she'd be better off moving on.
NowhereToHide Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 It isn't about "proving" anything and it sure isn't about being able to tell people that you were "the dumper" Men who suffer with retarded ejaculation don't usually just snap out of it, barring any treatable medical issue the problem is generally mental and in most cases caused by the man not reaching a high enough arousal threshold with the woman in question to reach orgasm. After weeks, months and years of trying different things, after a million heartfelt talks.. when the truth finally comes out, your self esteem has been ripped to shreds for years and the marriage ends anyway. My biggest regret about my divorce isn't that the marriage ended but rather that I didn't see and accept the truth a lot sooner than I did. Curiously,My Ex who couldn't climax with me had zero trouble doing so with porn, with web cam girls and with real women he picked up on craig's list. Over time his inability to perform with me became like a rotting cancer that killed the marriage and most of my self-esteem. The OP is young enough to start over and given the circumstances she's mentioned I 'd suggest that unless her partner agrees to seek immediate help and treatment with her that she'd be better off moving on. To suggest that the OP's partner is "repulsed" by her is just cruel. I understand that that may have been your experience, but there could be 100 different reasons.
soserious1 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 (edited) To suggest that the OP's partner is "repulsed" by her is just cruel. I understand that that may have been your experience, but there could be 100 different reasons. Do a bit of research on male ED, aside from treatable medical issues guess what the number one reason is for the problem? the man is not aroused enough by the woman to get and keep an erection till he orgasms. "Not physically attracted enough to partner" And yes, things got so bad here that my ex finally had to hurl out the words that he found me repulsive to look at, that the sight of my aging face and body made him vomit. Things would have been MUCH easier on me if I'd not ignored the hand writing on the wall and divorced a couple years earlier. I'd have been spared years of trying everything under the sun to help my husband, years of hearing "it's me, not you" and all the other lame excuses people offer to try to spare a partner's feelings. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and has feathers it's usually a duck, the penis doesn't lie or fake it, barring untreated medical problems repeated absence of an erection and being repeatedly unable to climax means the guy is just not turned on by you. The OP is young and not married, this problem has been going on for 2 months and isn't going to get any better without a lot of work and treatment, even then success rates for guys with ED of this type are dismally low.Time to pack up the tent and move on while she's still got a shred of self-esteem left! Edited October 26, 2009 by soserious1
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