j11181 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 My fiance's Ex girlfriend is friends with My fiance's Grandmother on Facebook...that's not the problem. The problem is WE(my fiance and I) have had issues with this girl during our relationship. Issues involving her calling too much and being a bit needy of his attention. AND I also had an issue with him saying something inappropriate towards her as well. We did a LOT of work on our relationship to get past this...and I think we are, BUT now I keep seeing conversations between the EX and his Grandma pop up on facebook. I am friends with the Grandmaas well...and she doesn't send me messages at all. And just recently(not sure if the EX or the Grandmadid this) one of them posted 3 of the EX's pictures up on the Grandma's page. So the first thing you see when you go to my fiance's Grandma's page is three big pics of his old girlfriend. Am I crazy or is this weird???? And what should I do about it...if anything?
Fallen Angel Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 My fiance's Ex girlfriend is friends with My fiance's Grandmother on Facebook...that's not the problem. The problem is WE(my fiance and I) have had issues with this girl during our relationship. Issues involving her calling too much and being a bit needy of his attention. AND I also had an issue with him saying something inappropriate towards her as well. We did a LOT of work on our relationship to get past this...and I think we are, BUT now I keep seeing conversations between the EX and his Grandma pop up on facebook. I am friends with the Grandmaas well...and she doesn't send me messages at all. And just recently(not sure if the EX or the Grandmadid this) one of them posted 3 of the EX's pictures up on the Grandma's page. So the first thing you see when you go to my fiance's Grandma's page is three big pics of his old girlfriend. Am I crazy or is this weird???? And what should I do about it...if anything? I am not really sure that this is the right board for you to post this question on as this board is for people involved in affairs, therefor being the "other man/other woman", but since you did, I will try to give my best answer.... If your fiance's grandmother choses to continue to have a relationship with her grandson's ex-girlfriend there really isn't much you can do about it. Often times families blend together during long term relationships and love bonds form that do not end just because the primary relationship is over. It has nothing to do with you, unless the grandmother is openly comparing you with the ex and painting you in a bad light, at which point it is up to your fiance to say something to grandma, NOT YOU. Nor should you have to say anything to your fiance other than that your feelings are being hurt by what grandma is doing/saying. It is then up to him to explain to grandma, and then up to grandma to choose to be more kind to you or not. You have no control over it, but you have control of YOUR actions, and how you respond to the actions of those around you. I would say try to rise above it all, and ignore it. If it is the ex who put her own pictures there, she is probably doing it as a jab at you, and by responding in any way, you show her that she has power over you, even if that power is just that she is able to upset you. If it is grandma, she will probably soon come to love you, and the ex will eventually fade away. (unless there are Great Grandchildren involved, in which case, learn to live with it forever!!)
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 This really is your fiance's problem..I know it bugs you and all, but HE has to be the one to talk to his Grandma and tell her to stop posting pictures of the ex. That she is his past, not his present or future. In the meantime, why not take his grandma out to lunch? And don't bring up the ex!
Fallen Angel Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 in the meantime, why not take his grandma out to lunch? And don't bring up the ex! Excellent advice!!!
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Thanks Angel! You know, you can find out who posted the pictures, his grandma or her..Just look at the name it's under, where the photo's are located, then you'll who posted them.
jj33 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Its a really tricky situation. How do you tell an old woman who probably loves conversing and being in touch with the ex fiances that it threatens you for her to keep this contact... Maybe the ex fiance is needy and maybe she does like keeping a connectoin to his family in the hopes that she will be in the picture if things dont work out between teh two or you. Or maybe she doesnt have grandparents of her own and enjoys the relationship with the grandmother. In either case, it is similar to the wandering spouse problem in so far as you need to be able to trust him. If he is committed to your relationship then none of this matters. That being said I can understand why it makes you uncomfortable. But i will tell you from experience that some men make you feel secure. You just dont questoin anything because you know in your core that all is well. Jessica Alba could show up at 2 am naked and it wouldnt matter. With others, there is a little question in the back of your mind. If you feel threatened and you dont think that your bf is doing what he should be to set boundaries that clearly tell the world that you are number 1 in his life, listen to that voice. Dont override your intuition on these things. Its not the ex fiance thats the issue, its your comfort level with how your bf is handling it all.
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