LB85 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 This guy has always been respectful in his direct behavior and didn't even reject me directly but I got his point. Anyway he asked me out for dinner but I was going on holiday so asked for a rain check. After that, I thought it would be better for me to make the move so I did and he just didn't respond. He actually led me on ever since we met and he was the one who always tried to keep in contact by initiating it every time. I never contacted him myself and I never flirted as much as he did! Now he did other things which weren't as respectful but its a too long story. However, I want him to respect me and not think I'm a fool. Btw, I found out only a month ago that he had a girlfriend since before he met me, which shocked me! Of course that makes him completely off limits, if only the idiot told me but he insists on keeping his relationship a secret from everybody (even his friends..a little fishy..I'm guessing the girl isn't allowed to date). However, I am going to see him at a party and I want him to respect me. Of course I know I should just be polite but distant and do my own thing. Except I have to admit, I want him to try to get my attention and want to talk to me. What if he doesn't even try to talk to me? I really want to be on good terms with him but I don't want him to think I'm a doormat so I don't want to be friendly and pretend nothing happened. Confronting him about it would just make things worse but I just need help in how to get him to still be friends with me but realize he can't just walk all over me?
boogieboy Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Why would he respect you when he knows you will come calling everytime he calls? He knows you still like him and he knows he will never like you, so he doesnt care how he acts around you, theres no point. Best thing you can do now to get him to respect you, stay away from him. No civility, not conversations, if he comes to you, run the other way. Otherwise he knows the mental hold he still has on you. I dont know why you still want to be friends with him anyway. You know nothing is happening, and you want to stay friends to keep a connection just in case, you will never move on.
sumdude Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Best thing you can do now to get him to respect you, stay away from him. No civility, not conversations, if he comes to you, run the other way. Otherwise he knows the mental hold he still has on you. I dont know why you still want to be friends with him anyway. You know nothing is happening, and you want to stay friends to keep a connection just in case, you will never move on. Sorry have to disagree. Running away is most definitely not the way to gain any respect. She already had the right idea, neutral/friendly but distant. Acknowledge his existence head held high then turn away and talk to someone else. Show him you're happy whether or not he's in your life. Otherwise do not contact him.
UbiJW Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 "if a guy hasn't introduced you to his friends You are NOT his girlfriend" chris rock. So obviosuly he's a just trying to get action from this chick he's embarassed of maybe because of her looks and prolly wants the same from you. Ignore him he sounds like a loser. You want respect from him? As a guy I will tell you dnt play hisbgames and his bull**** focus on your **** and he will respect you. He might not like you thigh becasue he sounds like he wants weak minded chicks like his so called girlfriend.
boogieboy Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Sorry have to disagree. Running away is most definitely not the way to gain any respect. She already had the right idea, neutral/friendly but distant. Acknowledge his existence head held high then turn away and talk to someone else. Show him you're happy whether or not he's in your life. Otherwise do not contact him. The problem with doing this is that in her mind, she still wants him to think of her, which he doesnt. That keeps a connection in her mind until she moves on. The connection has to be severed, if it isnt, she will forever be second guessing her actions and his reactions. As long as she is still worried about what HE thinks of her, she will never move on. And the only way after that she will move on is if she finally finds a BF. BTW LB, he already thinks youre a fool for following him around like a puppy dog for years and not realizing that you were getting no where, so he will never respect you. MAYBE when he sees another guy all over you will he have a desire for you, but even then, I doubt it. Youre doing the typical woman thing which is to try and leave the situation where he doesnt think youre a bad person, but you will never get over him when youre trying to passively get his attention. Ignore this guy, Stop worrying about what he thinks, and focus on finding a guy that likes you.
Author LB85 Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 well actually, I haven't known him for years. I have known him for a year and was in touch with him for 10 months orso. Anyway, we only met 6 times orso and every time he was the one who wanted to hang out with me. Inbetween these few times we saw each other, he was the one always trying to contact me and get to know me by asking so many questions and then flirting alongside it. I didn't flirt as much but I did respond to him and I genuinly thought he was interested. The first and second time we met he introduced me to his friends and everyone started wondering if we were going out, so yes call me naive because its true. I'm a good girl and have never had to deal with jerks so I trusted him and his intentions. It was foolish of me to ignore the fact that he never actually asked me out but it could have depended on many valid factors but only up to a certain point of course...
BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Getting his attention is easy. Wear a killing outfit and have guys talk to you. Acknowledge him but don't initiate conversation and let him come to you. What you want though? You say you're shocked he's got a GF and he's off limits yet you clearly want to win him over. Be honest about what you want. By the way, he's keeping the relationship secret from everyone so he can set himself up for sex with multiple girls as well without scaring them off. Why the hell would it have anything to do with the girl not being able to date? Players don't exactly broadcast they're already in a relationship till the new girl is already emotionally attached, which you are starting to be.
Author LB85 Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 I already said what I really wanted, what I really want is for us to be friends again and not have this discomfort between us. I want all of this to be behind us and us to be friends, where we both have mutua respect for each other.Is it really impossible to have that again, am I being unrealistic?
boogieboy Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I already said what I really wanted, what I really want is for us to be friends again and not have this discomfort between us. I want all of this to be behind us and us to be friends, where we both have mutua respect for each other.Is it really impossible to have that again, am I being unrealistic? If you NEED his respect, youre not going to get it. You have to not want it or need it. Just like if you NEED attention from him, youre not going to get it. You never had a friendship with him, becauee you wanted him as a bf, and you still do. BTW the discomfort is only coming from you and not from him. So you have to change the way you think. You have to not need his friendship.
BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I already said what I really wanted, what I really want is for us to be friends again and not have this discomfort between us. I want all of this to be behind us and us to be friends, where we both have mutua respect for each other.Is it really impossible to have that again, am I being unrealistic? Well you say that. But how many people go out of their way to do things to get respect from a FRIEND? This ain't highschool anymore. Just be yourself, and if someone doesn't want to be your friend, screw them.
Shygirl15 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Well you say that. But how many people go out of their way to do things to get respect from a FRIEND? This ain't highschool anymore. Just be yourself, and if someone doesn't want to be your friend, screw them. Ain't that the truth.
Agoraphobianebula Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 If you NEED his respect, youre not going to get it. You have to not want it or need it. Just like if you NEED attention from him, youre not going to get it. You never had a friendship with him, becauee you wanted him as a bf, and you still do. BTW the discomfort is only coming from you and not from him. So you have to change the way you think. You have to not need his friendship. This is quite true, of what value is the so called friendship really to you? How much of a FRIENDSHIP have you guys had in between pseudo pursuing each other? Be honest, you want his attention, there is nothing wrong with that. I don't think you'll get it though until you let go completely and become indifferent. You can't make people respect you, you can make anyone do anything. Just be yourself and let them form whatever opinion they will of you.
Author LB85 Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Thanks for all the advice, but I just got great advice from my friend. She told me to just confront him about it as I would a friend. The reason I was bothered was because he didn't keep his promise and just didn't bother responding after that. She said I have every right to ask for clarity but I shouldn't be angry or even tell him about me liking him. All I have to do is ask about his behaviour and tell him how I perceived it to be and that I don't understand why you would ask to meet up when you don't want to follow through. This is going to put him on the spot and not me, I will get my satisfaction by telling him my side and hearing his side. That way I will finally let go and we can both be on reasonably good terms. I guess thats how adults would do it, I find it scary and I straight away thought that would seem desperate and what not but its all about how I should say it and realise my own right in doing so. If he has the right to behave that way then I have the right to question it, I'll finally be able to let go then (no matter how scared I am of doing this)
boogieboy Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Nope, because hes not going to care, nor is he going to change his behavior. This makes YOU feel better...but once he knows you arent going to be after him anymore (i hope you wont) he's not going to care about being friendly with you. You could try it and see what happens, but dont expect anything. What youre doiing is the equivalent of what a dumpee does when they need to get feelings of their chest to a dumper...the dumper moved on already ...they dont care. But then again, since he knows you still like him, he might still try to keep you on the leash. He might try to turn up the flirting when sees you are pulling away. Hope youre prepared for all the possibilities.
BG1985 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I suppose if you want to do that, it's fine. However, actions speak louder than words. He's just not that into you.
CaliGuy Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 This guy has always been respectful in his direct behavior and didn't even reject me directly but I got his point. Anyway he asked me out for dinner but I was going on holiday so asked for a rain check. After that, I thought it would be better for me to make the move so I did and he just didn't respond. He actually led me on ever since we met and he was the one who always tried to keep in contact by initiating it every time. I never contacted him myself and I never flirted as much as he did! Now he did other things which weren't as respectful but its a too long story. However, I want him to respect me and not think I'm a fool. Btw, I found out only a month ago that he had a girlfriend since before he met me, which shocked me! Of course that makes him completely off limits, if only the idiot told me but he insists on keeping his relationship a secret from everybody (even his friends..a little fishy..I'm guessing the girl isn't allowed to date). However, I am going to see him at a party and I want him to respect me. Of course I know I should just be polite but distant and do my own thing. Except I have to admit, I want him to try to get my attention and want to talk to me. What if he doesn't even try to talk to me? I really want to be on good terms with him but I don't want him to think I'm a doormat so I don't want to be friendly and pretend nothing happened. Confronting him about it would just make things worse but I just need help in how to get him to still be friends with me but realize he can't just walk all over me? Simple. Act and BE indifferent towards him. Look up the definition to be clear on what I mean when I say INDIFFERENT.
BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) Thanks for all the advice, but I just got great advice from my friend. She told me to just confront him about it as I would a friend. The reason I was bothered was because he didn't keep his promise and just didn't bother responding after that. She said I have every right to ask for clarity but I shouldn't be angry or even tell him about me liking him. All I have to do is ask about his behaviour and tell him how I perceived it to be and that I don't understand why you would ask to meet up when you don't want to follow through. This is going to put him on the spot and not me, I will get my satisfaction by telling him my side and hearing his side. That way I will finally let go and we can both be on reasonably good terms. I guess thats how adults would do it, I find it scary and I straight away thought that would seem desperate and what not but its all about how I should say it and realise my own right in doing so. If he has the right to behave that way then I have the right to question it, I'll finally be able to let go then (no matter how scared I am of doing this) Actually, adults reaalize the guy isn't worth the time, just give him the mental middle finger and walk away. You're trying to seek emotional validation with a guy you say you're happy to be friends with, that doesn't work, and he'll see through and lose respect for you over your plan. Btw, why do girls ask girls for advice on problems dealing with guys? It's like an American asking an American how to talk to an Iraqi. Shouldn't you ask an Iraqi to interpret? Edited October 22, 2009 by BookerT
Author LB85 Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Haha I'm laughing my *** off! Yeh BookerT, thanks for being the Iraqi! Your right, I can't control him and my only problem is that I wish he showed more respect but I should have done that during the whole thing. Its over now and he just needs to know that I don't accept it or thinks its ok by trying to solve it or pretending nothing happened. My real reason, besides it not feeling right is that he didn't think it was even the slightest bit important himself and he doesn't even care so why should I show that I do. I guess if I try to show that I'm enjoying myself, I actually will and it might even leave him wondering since I'm always so polite and friendly. I hate it that I care too much about it, I know I'm the real problem and he isn't ...*sigh*
Krytie TV Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 By not caring if he does or not. Live for you and people will respect you.
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 IGNORE HIM and go on with your life. This guy is treating you like dog doo-doo. What is it that you actually see/like in him? How does he make you feel special? Make you feel good about yourself? Why waste energy on someone who couldn't care less about you and doesn't respect you? And..Why would you want to jump through hoops to gain the respect of a jerk??
Island Girl Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I am so at a loss as to why you would care that someone who is unworthy of YOUR respect matters at all. I could really care less if some guy who is a complete douche respects me or not.
D-Lish Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Why would you need to go out of your way to get HIS respect? He's the one that was coming on to you while having a gf. A guy like that doesn't deserve YOUR respect- nevermind you trying to gain his. He's insignificant, dog **** on your shoes- so treat him accordingly... Wipe him off and be careful where you step next time.
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