Ruthieo01 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Hello Everyone, This is where I come when I feel I have no one to talk to!!!! Here's my story . . . I have recently move in with my boyfriend and things have changed, obviously, but I am not sure if they are normal changes or changes what should worry me. First let me say that he is 11 years older than me, but the physical affection has really changed. He doesn't really show me much affection anymore. I know that is it not a big deal but sometimes it makes me think I am losing him. That he is pulling himself away from me. So when I try to show him affection he can feel that I am trying to hard. I just want to see what the normal changes are in a relationship with you live with someone, yes every relationship is different, but what are or were your big adjustments with you first lived with you significant other. So I know what to, kind of, expect. I know that it frustrates him when we talk about it. Last night I was telling him how important it is when he cuddles with me and his response was "He never feels like he is going to stratify my affection need" -- It is not that he doesn't stratify it I just feel tension there because I am thinking about it constantly. So I think I have stressed him out with it and he is to the point where it doesn’t matter if he is affectionate or not. He thinks I am never going to be satisfied. Can anyone help me out?? How do I make this better? I love him with my whole heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am going to lose and AMAZING guy if I don't get my head straight. I could really use some guidance.
hopeful1980 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Tell him that him giving you affection turns you on. Don't be needy. Men like to feel needed, but they hate clingy, needy women. What I would do is initiate affection with him and say things like, "That feels nice" when he recipricates the hug or kiss. Whenever he initiates affection, let him know how much you love it. Give him encouragement for doing it and he'll be more likely to continue doing it.
Author Ruthieo01 Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 I am being needy, in a joking manner he calls me needy. He'll say something like "Okay needy, here is a kiss" with a huge smile on his face. I know it is starting really get to him. Do you have any tips on how it was when you first move in with someone?
hopeful1980 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Try to keep your life the same as it was before you moved in, but you only come home to him. You guys aren't married and it doesn't sound like you have any kids. What did you expect it to be like moving in with him? Did you think it would make you guys closer? I think you should go out with your friends, enjoy your hobbies, and just have a good attitude about life. If you just ignore his nonaffectionate self for a while, he'll come running back to you to give you a kiss in a few days. If you chase him around asking for a kiss or a hug, it will only make him more distant.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 My fiance and I have lived together for 1.5 years. Nothing "affectionate wise" changed when we moved in together. Actually he has always been a fairly affectionate guy...even in public. He's not overly gross but he likes holding my hand or putting his arm around me (in public) In private we usually always cuddle, that has actually never changed since we have been together (over 3 years). You said he "jokingly" calls you needy..that is his passive aggressive way of telling you how he feels. He may feel more annoyed that you are pressuring him about it. I actually find that when I'm doing my own thing, like sitting on the couch with my laptop he wants to cuddle. If I give him his personal space he wants me more. Try an experiment. Why don't you just give him a kiss here and there. You initiate it. Also DON'T bug him about affection or cuddling. Don't shut down completely and be ice cold but lay off the pressure. He may come around.
eeyore1981 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Back in the day I used to not be that into physical contact unless it was sex. I moved in with a bf, who seemed to need to be touching me 24/7, and I had to break it off, because it got on my nerves so bad. My advice, especially since you post you think about it all the time, is to suck it up and back off. I don't care what it is, if you are hounding and or/pressuring someone to do something, they are going to want to do it less and less. I know it isn't easy, especially if it is something you want so badly, but try giving it some space and see what happens. I changed, and now I enjoy holding hands and cuddling, so it isn't an impossible situation.
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