Bulldozed Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 [sIZE=4]Just wanted to drop you a quick note. First I want you to know that I feel really ashamed for ever sending that email to you. I don't want those words to be the last thing I communicated with you. Regardless of my accusations, your business is your business....in the end, I just have to deal with it. I'm not real proud of my behavior the past month. [/sIZE][sIZE=4]To love unconditionally means that regardless of us, I want you happy no matter who you're with? [/sIZE][sIZE=4]At the end of the day, I just miss you! I don't need you...I've just always wanted you, and for the right reasons. Talk about a bitter pill to swallow, I knew we were having some communication issues, but I never believed for a minute it was nothing we couldn't work to resolve. I guess in the end, neither of us had the courage to talk things out in a mature manner? I hope you find happiness and know that beyond the harsh stuff I said in that email, everything else was true. Never have I wanted to be with someone like I did with you. I just wanted more of you! I'm not a clingy or needy type of guy, I just know that when things were good, they were real good, "No fluff". Perhaps all relationships early on are nothing but "fluff"....it isn't until the masks come off that we're actually faced with a real relationship, based on honest and open communication, trust and commitment? Who knows? All I know is when I was with you, whether it was at dinner, up north, in bed, wherever, I never had any doubts about us, and believed that given the painful relationships of our past, trust was something I never worried about with me and you....I was up north this past weekend with Trey, Anne and the kids...putting the boat in storage and doing some fall cleanup...all that fun stuff....later at night, around the fire, Anne actually told me you two spoke over the 4th about us having a wedding ceremony in their backyard with a threshold over the pool. She shared quite a bit with me, as she's really been in the dark about us, up until the last weekend...I also know that the week of Allison's b-day, you and I stopped at Trey's, then walked down to say hello to my folks....I overheard you ask my mom if she had announced the newest member of the "O'brien" family at a recent reunion, you! Not that long ago.......and yes, on our way back from Kid Rock, among other things discussed later that evening, we talked about whether Jessica or Kathy should be your maid of honor? We also talked about how fortunate we were to have two sets of loving parents so close by that would not only be good for us regarding a family some day but would also provide us with some nice balance in life. I trust on some level you can understand why I feel the way I do? Regardless of what's transpired with us, I will always love you...unconditionally. Your past didn't matter to me...never cared! I just knew that what we had early on, for over a year and a half, was pretty f**king awesome! I'm just disappointed that we couldn't have a talked more openly. In the end, that's a lesson I'll regrettably take with me for a long time.... Please take good care of yourself, in the end, you're all that matters! Always know that I will look back on how we re-met at Doug's Art Party, and smile.....it was all worth it! I do believe in fate, and I know at one time you did too....your a treasure and I hope you're always treated as such! I've learned a lot about myself throughout this, and one thing I know is I'm way far from perfect! I know I've said hurtful things and have behaved stupidly, but in the end, I'm not dumb and I learn....I guess that's what separates humans from apes? Take care babe and be well !![/sIZE]
TaraMaiden Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Point being? Closure for whom, you? You'll be expecting - hoping - for an answer, which will just open up new things to seek closure over. never refer to an ex- as 'babe'. Not your 'babe' any more. It's partronising and frankly, over-familiar now you are no longer an item. I wouldn't send it. Too wordy, too nostalgic, too clingy, too pointless. but hey, it's your trauma.....
honeypear Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Point being? Closure for whom, you? You'll be expecting - hoping - for an answer, which will just open up new things to seek closure over. never refer to an ex- as 'babe'. Not your 'babe' any more. It's partronising and frankly, over-familiar now you are no longer an item. I wouldn't send it. Too wordy, too nostalgic, too clingy, too pointless. but hey, it's your trauma..... I am with you on this one. The closure is for you. If you must write one..write a letter and don't mail it. Put everything you want to say in that letter, vent, let your emotions go.BUT do not send.
GorillaTheater Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Agreed, don't send a letter. Even better, don't communicate with her at all. You're not going to get "closure" (if indeed such a thing even exists, which I doubt), all you're doing is prolonging your pain.
GrayClouds Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 The Xena Buddhist Warrior Princess is correct, question answered only leads to more questions. Sending her the massage will get one of three responses: 1. No response which will hurt even more, to open your self up and to be ignored is not something you want. 2. She will respond with saying she feels the same and wants to comeback, but if she felt that way she would have already told you, so this is not going to happen. 3. The most likely scenario; she read it and see you as weak or pathetic, and will irritate her, it will push her even father way and make you feel even more rejected. Be kind to yourself, and do not contact her.
Author Bulldozed Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 I appreciate everybody's input. The tough thing about this is the two of us were great friends for nearly 20 yrs....I'm actually not pining for her back...if nothing else, I wanted to throw some things at her that will make her realize how ****ty she's been....I'm trying to take the high road knowing whatever she chooses in life, I really don't care anymore. Her past is riddled with bad decisions...and what she's doing now, is no exception. In the end, like I stated in the beginning, I don't want my last "harsh" email to be the last words I spoke to her...
Surfgal Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I have to agree. Closure can only happen within you. I thought about so many times sending an email to him but what would that get me? Closure is a personal message that you write to help yourself have the closure. It is never meant to be sent. You can say whatever you want in your message. The good, the bad and how you wish things would be and whatever your heart feels. Just like you would write in a journal. I believe there is some cosmic energy that sends your thoughts and feelings and even if you haven't really sent the email, he would get it. Believe me, they know what were going through. Although, you may think not. Rather you send it or not, I hope you find the closure that satisfy's your heart. Hang in there!
Author Bulldozed Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 thanks Surfgal...the truly confusing thing about this is that she ditched me for her best friends, recently divorced husband....she wants a baby real bad...as she's 41...why would she ever consider jeopardizing a 20 yr friendship, and lose a sure thing, considering we discussed all of the things we wanted....taking a chance with a guy who can barely afford the child he has, much less a new one...in the end, her mind is out there...but then again, her past decisions speak volumes to her mental stability....
TaraMaiden Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I appreciate everybody's input. The tough thing about this is the two of us were great friends for nearly 20 yrs....I'm actually not pining for her back...if nothing else, I wanted to throw some things at her that will make her realize how ****ty she's been....I'm trying to take the high road knowing whatever she chooses in life, I really don't care anymore. Her past is riddled with bad decisions...and what she's doing now, is no exception. In the end, like I stated in the beginning, I don't want my last "harsh" email to be the last words I spoke to her... thanks Surfgal...the truly confusing thing about this is that she ditched me for her best friends, recently divorced husband....she wants a baby real bad...as she's 41...why would she ever consider jeopardizing a 20 yr friendship, and lose a sure thing, considering we discussed all of the things we wanted....taking a chance with a guy who can barely afford the child he has, much less a new one...in the end, her mind is out there...but then again, her past decisions speak volumes to her mental stability.... Then it's not closure you seek. It's - "I'm doing ok without you, because you are someone with issues and I can cope with being rid of you.... I am showing you that even though it's been 20 years, I can deal with it, and you are going to regret it....". This is a form of revenge. And I still wouldn't send it. That's an even worse reason for doing it......
Author Bulldozed Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 Tara - I really love this site....aside from the rather insensitive email i already sent (i wished I had found this site prior), you guys give me great perspective. I would like to seriously apologize for the last one....if nothing else.
McGrupp Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 i did a similiar thing. mine wasnt as reminiscing as it was, i want you to be happy, i have to move on, maybe well be back someday. it really didnt do anything. she said it made her feel sad. so i wouldnt
TaraMaiden Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Tara - I really love this site....aside from the rather insensitive email i already sent (i wished I had found this site prior), you guys give me great perspective. I would like to seriously apologize for the last one....if nothing else. Then simply say: I want to apologise for the way I put my last e-mail to you. I was angry. I meant what I said, But, I should have just put it more tactfully. And leave it at that. You really don't need to say any more. or any less.
Ilovecake Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 If she's the one who broke up with you I would definitely say do not send the note. Just writing it should be therapeutic to some extent. Sending it will most likely make you feel bad in the end because you probably will not get the reply you are looking for. The note sound more like you’re still looking for a connection not closure and your ex will probably see it as that.
BCCA Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Like that Beatles song goes - "Let it Be" Dont send anything, it wont do what you hope it will. Just dont do it.
McGrupp Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 your still going to send it though. i love these threads
Author Bulldozed Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 probably not...I've written thousands of words to her, and have never sent anything, WITH the exception of the scathing email two wks ago, accusing her of sleeping with her best friends ex-husband. Of course that friendship is over....she's getting herself into something I don't think she's really thought through....it'll bite her in the end.
TaraMaiden Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Let it. It's no skin off your nose. You're past. you're history. What you do now, is none of her business. What she does now, is none of yours. Truly. Just move on.....
Surfgal Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 probably not...I've written thousands of words to her, and have never sent anything, WITH the exception of the scathing email two wks ago, accusing her of sleeping with her best friends ex-husband. Of course that friendship is over....she's getting herself into something I don't think she's really thought through....it'll bite her in the end. She seems like a very lost person. Touching on so many taboo's. Anyone knows to stay far away from bestfriend's men, ex's or not....... I am sorry that she let a 20 year friendship go. But I think the clues so visible long ago. It's just your kind heart only see's the goodness. I know it is so tough for you. But we are here for you. Keep writing those letters for yourself.....express your thoughts. I find it easier for myself to set aside each day a time to think all I want about him and then I leave it. Say like 5 minutes like every 2 hours and then you leave it and put your mind somewhere else, just keep occupied. That helps me..... But just remember your love comes from goodness.....soom it will attract it. Give it time Hang in there!
BCCA Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 your still going to send it though. i love these threads "Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer, but wish you didn't"
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