My b/f got 20 women pregnant and never paid child support to any of them!

[karenmcr81]

I was round at my friend's house, and we were having a good chat, socialising and having fun and talking about what's in the news. The conversation went well until my friend said "Have you heard about this man who got TWENTY WOMEN pregnant and who's not paid child support to TWENTY WOMEN across Greater Manchester, Cheshire, Staffordshire and the West Midlands?"

 

She showed me the article (with the photo of the man) and I was stunned to see my boyfriend in the photo. It was definitely him, he had a distinctive feature on his neck that could easily identify him.

 

She said to me, apparently this man, hasn't paid child support to ANY of these women, leaving them all single mums. I said to her that this guy was my boyfriend and was shocked to discover this and thanked her for showing me the article.

 

When I got in from work, I confronted my boyfriend (who I have a 2-year-old son with) but he denied it. I then showed him a copy of the article and told him to find somewhere else to stay because I can't trust him and told him it was over. He kept begging to be allowed back to see his son, but I told him how can he, he never sees his other children.

 

He just vanished, and was never seen again (so, I guess, technically we've broken up then!). I hope he hasn't got yet another woman pregnant.

 

Now I feel more liberated, but at the same time, can't trust men that well, unless they're men I know very well.

 

I feel sick and disgusted to think I wasted 3 years of my life with this man. It makes me shudder and feel revolted thinking about it.

 

How do I cope with this without getting depressed, jaded and angry?

 

Please help me.

 

 

 

 

Karen (30) from Walkden, Greater Manchester, United Kingdom

[Jmina]

what you have to do is stay on the bigger perspective of as you said feeling liberated. This has allowed some new doors to be open where you can do anything you want in terms of personal growth without someone (untrustworthy) fettering around.

youre going to be depressed angry etc you wouldn't be grieving without, and even though he is good riddence, you still deserve and need the time to grieve.

allow yourself to feel angry, sad etc, simply express it by crying, or physically expressing yourself e.g gym, punching pillows, yelling to loud music in car stuff like that. this dissovles the feelings bit by bit till you come out of this better than ever.

 

Let yourself go through this process and you will end up with new gifts, perspectives and an open mind without the limiting baggage!

 

don't not trust people just because he broke your trust. its not fair to punish the next person for your past.

 

this is why it is good to go through the feelings. you always go into things whole heartedly each and every time. even if each and everytime you get trodden on. you heal. and if you let yourself heal patterns will not emerge, hopefully allowing you to find someone who is right.

 

stay liberated for yourself. focus on yourself your feelings.

 

it is now about you. not him,

your feelings are followed by i feel.....

 

soon as you add ' that, if,' after the feeling it becomes a thought...

 

acknowlodege the difference and hop on the path you were intended to live and not the path you thought you were living!

 

goodluck and keep posting

[Jmina]

oh and also just because you feel angry and let it all out one day doesnt mean it wont be back, this is just how you greive and need to accept the forward and backwards type process. even though your not going backwards, it just feels as if you have been there, when really it is a new experience with new lessons etc

 

some people net to let go of a feelng each and everyday, others can let it go and it wont come back. it depends on the severity of what your going through and how it has affected you in relation to your already grounded beliefs, past, etc

 

also an example for what i mentioned above

 

i feel angry - feeling

 

i feel that your angry - thought not a feeling. which should be re stated as

i think that your angry and it makes me feel *hurt, sad etc*

 

its good to know differecne and try to focus on feelings rather than thoughts

 

goodluck!

 

(also i think i wrote in the first post that the words 'if, that' are a thought when they come after the feeling, when i should have written that it comes before)

 

oh i hope i havent completely confused everyone!!! if so i will try to expalin in a different way!

 

 

mina