MarkTwain86 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I cheated on my gf with a MW (it was oral sex). Is there any way I can get over that part of me I just became? The only reason I can think of is that I did it to get back at her (revenge affair). Only I just realized what I just become.
delajoonal Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I cheated on my gf with a MW (it was oral sex). Is there any way I can get over that part of me I just became? The only reason I can think of is that I did it to get back at her (revenge affair). Only I just realized what I just become. YOu didn't become anything yet...other than HUMAN. you were hurt, prolly had a few drinks and all you could think of was the pain your gf caused you and you wanted to make that pain go away as well as "get back" at her for hurting you? easy solution, get up, dust yourself off, tell yourself, " self i am sorry i made this mistake, and i will try to not let it happen again" oh and don't forget to say , " self, i forgive you!" move on from all of it..NOT healthy to dwell and ruminate over something that can't be changed... as for telling your gf or anyone, that is up to you...? because this was a MW, i would prolly keep the whole incident to myself and not pursue this MW...just more issues you don't want to go down that road:o me, i would just move on and learn from my mistake and try to regain some self esteem and just keep moving forward. good luck and take care..
Jada Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I know what guilt is like I've been through it though I never cheated but it felt like I had couldn't even sleep with my ex at the time because it was eating at me. I was nearly cheated on and when I found out it ripped me apart I didn't recover until at least 2 years afterwards, I'd had offers for sex from guys but never took them up on it. I would have cheated on a guy I had a major sexual crush on but it never happened. It happened and you'll get over it eventually, I've replied to your other thread so all I can say is try and move forward as best you can, time is a killer when it goes so slow and your emotions are all over the place. Like the other poster said, your human people have all sorts of reasons for why they do things. Just try to deal with things as best you can.
2sunny Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 if you tell the truth - it puts it in the arena for your gf to understand either she wants to work through the reality of your truth - or she wants to walk away. she deserves to know what kind of person you are - and whether or not she's willing to live with that, work through it or walk away. are you willing to do the hard work it takes to repair your actions? repair work for her - and both of you to have a more honest and open relationship based on this reality?
Dexter Morgan Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I cheated on my gf with a MW (it was oral sex). Is there any way I can get over that part of me I just became? yes, break up with your gf, both of you obviously don't know what committment means(I'm assuming since you had a "revenge" affair that she cheated to?). learn your lesson and apply to someone else in the future when you are mature enough for committment. The only reason I can think of is that I did it to get back at her (revenge affair). Only I just realized what I just become. as if there is no justification for a revenge affair, because if you feel the need, just break up....but you did this with a married woman. So do you think her husband deserves to know what she did? I mean here you are pissed at your gf for cheating, and you mess around with a MW....a cheater. So in your little "revenge affair" you not only got back at your gf....but now you have interloped on another man's marriage. But I know, you aren't married to him....so to hell with him...right?
LifesontheUp Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I cheated on my gf with a MW (it was oral sex). Is there any way I can get over that part of me I just became? The only reason I can think of is that I did it to get back at her (revenge affair). Only I just realized what I just become. Doesn't sound like a promising relationship with your gf if you have both cheated. Why not split up from her and spend some time on your own to work through this?
Devil Inside Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 So Mark...I am assuming she had an affair...since you said this was a revenge thing. What pops out to me is that you are not over what she did. If you were...you probably wouldn't have seen this as revenge. What did you do to work through her infidelity after it happened? If you just swept it under the rug then you are still holding on to some stuff that will eat you from the inside out...and you just added guilt to the mix. Unless you are willing to face all of that...this may not be the right relationship for you. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Confess to your gf. Two wrongs don't make a right, but you can work it out (if you want to) with her by confessing, telling the truth.. Go to couples therapy and see if your relationship is worth saving. How long have you two been together?
Author MarkTwain86 Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 yes, break up with your gf, both of you obviously don't know what committment means(I'm assuming since you had a "revenge" affair that she cheated to?).Actually I have already decided to work on my relationship and put aside what just happened, hopefully she doesn't find out. If she does, I have nothing left but to confess my own deed. Your assumption is corrected. I got cheated on last year, right in the beginning of October. It's on my other post. Thing is I never thought about maliciously getting revenge on her the, just that things came out like that. So I think it was my inner self telling me something like ''It's no big deal, she did it too'' (though I was also did like the MW at the same time) but I'm a fool alright. Now I guess I cannot claim back my previous morals. as if there is no justification for a revenge affair, because if you feel the need, just break up....but you did this with a married woman. So do you think her husband deserves to know what she did? I mean here you are pissed at your gf for cheating, and you mess around with a MW....a cheater. So in your little "revenge affair" you not only got back at your gf....but now you have interloped on another man's marriage. But I know, you aren't married to him....so to hell with him...right? I don't know, I never really thought about the husband. I don't own him nothing. I don't know that guy. So the way I see it is why would I be concern about a stranger's feelings? He doesn't know me in person either. I think that's up to him and his wife to fix. He's been doing nothing but texting me BS on facebook on different accounts and once call my cell phone. I mean, he should be doing all the talking and venting to his wife, why me? I'm not the one marry to him, so I own him nothing.
Author MarkTwain86 Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Doesn't sound like a promising relationship with your gf if you have both cheated. Why not split up from her and spend some time on your own to work through this?I know this sounds easy when it's said but it's not when it's done. I have known her for a very very long time. She's my first and only one.
Author MarkTwain86 Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) So Mark...I am assuming she had an affair...since you said this was a revenge thing. What pops out to me is that you are not over what she did. If you were...you probably wouldn't have seen this as revenge. What did you do to work through her infidelity after it happened? If you just swept it under the rug then you are still holding on to some stuff that will eat you from the inside out...and you just added guilt to the mixThing is I'm assuming I did this to mainly get back at her for her last year's cheating. She did have a one night stand with a college dude while we were on LD. Afterwards I had access to all her passwords and cell phone as well, which she was willing to provide me. It took a while to get this settle as well as create the mental image of them together. It was harder for me since we were each other's first. When I had oral sex with the MW, I must admit that I did felt a level of attraction towards her and liked her personality. She would stated how she was feeling depress living with her husband and that he wasn't satisfying her plus has no job and all he goes is smokes. From what I know from her is that her husband is a lazy and useless. Confess to your gf. Two wrongs don't make a right, but you can work it out (if you want to) with her by confessing, telling the truth.. Go to couples therapy and see if your relationship is worth saving. How long have you two been together?I guess but see wouldn't telling bring this all back to the day I found out I got cheated on and the whole saga again. We have been gettting better and me bringing out my cheating, wouldn't it crumple it again? We have been together for a lifetime. We were first best friends from our early school years. Then as soon as we entered our freshman year of high school, that's when we become exclusive. Edited October 22, 2009 by MarkTwain86
NowhereToHide Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you will NEVER get over what you did. It's not something that you just forget about. It will be there with you forever. You will forever know that you cheated. And yes, you became THAT. Welcome to the club.
bluegreen12 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I cheated on my gf with a MW (it was oral sex). Is there any way I can get over that part of me I just became? The only reason I can think of is that I did it to get back at her (revenge affair). Only I just realized what I just become. Did you give or receive? Are you giong to get tested for STDs?
MizzBlue72 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I think you learned a lesson. I wouldn't tell. A revenge affair - so, if you cheated just to get back at her, ok - then you are vindicated. It's only going to hurt her worse if you tell her.
road Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 marktwain The way you deserve the truth. You WW/BW deserves the truth. No way around it. Best to own up. This way it gets put in the past. These things always have a way of coming out. Better for the both of you to heal from it now then have to address this ten years from now.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I don't know, I never really thought about the husband. I don't own him nothing. you don't owe anyone human decency? then hopefully you will feel the same about any guy that your gf cheats on you with. just remember your own words...they don't owe you, therefore you have no right being mad at them. So the way I see it is why would I be concern about a stranger's feelings? well if you are a selfish individual, then ya, why would you be concerned? if you are not selfish, then one would think you'd at least feel bad for the guy. He's been doing nothing but texting me BS on facebook on different accounts and once call my cell phone. I mean, he should be doing all the talking and venting to his wife, why me? I'm not the one marry to him, so I own him nothing. yes, he needs to deal with his scumbag wife...that is a given. he can deal with the both of you. but people that don't care if the screw with other people's marriages always use the "i owe them nothing" to absolve themselves of any responsibility. so tell me, what would you do if someone screwed your gf, and apparenlty they did...then came up to you and said, "I screwed your gf, she liked it, and I can and will do it anytime I like because I owe you nothing"....what would you say or do? The answer better be, "ya dude, you owe me nothing...its all good...you are entitled!" as far as the husband contacting you....too bad. This is what you get sometimes when you don't care if you screw around with someone married. take your medicine and don't complain.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I think you learned a lesson. I wouldn't tell. A revenge affair - so, if you cheated just to get back at her, ok - then you are vindicated. It's only going to hurt her worse if you tell her. what he'll end up doing is using her cheating against her....keep his cheating a secret as if he can claim the high ground.
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