jayne_doe Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years - we've lived together for 2, and share assets like a car, etc... I love him, but im not sure that im "In Love" with him anymore. Our relationship has grown completely stale... we don't do anything... he barely wants to come out anywhere with me... etc... Earlier this year in like april or may i think, an issue happened where i found text messages between a girl he knew from highschool and himself. At the time we had been fighting and the text messages were him telling this girl that he may be unhappy with me because i put on a little weight... and her making fun of me in rebuddle... even worse this girl ended up working with me for a short time while this was happening, until i confronted her about it in the bathroom, and she never returned. I almost broke up with him over the incident, and sometimes think I should have, since now I have serious trust, and self image issues, and just dont feel happy with him anymore. More recently I've been talking with a good friend of mine, and ex-Friend with benefits. We hang out, and fully know that there is alot of sexual tension between us still. I've never acted on it, but I want to so badly. I'm not looking or hoping for a relationship with this other guy, as i know it wont happen.. I just want the sex because it was always amazing, and i think ive lost feelings for my boyfriend. I dont want to cheat on him.. but i feel so trapped because we live together, and have a car together... I don't know what to do, or how to even go about ending this relationship... i just need some feedback if anyone can relate with some advice... thanks Edited October 21, 2009 by jayne_doe
Jada Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Yes I can relate to what your saying, what you've wrote sounded like my relationship that I had for 10 years but a few things were different, he totally loved me. Okay you've come to a crossroad in your life and now might be looking for a bit extra outside of the relationship. It happens and feelings for other people and in your case an ex can be reignited. Sounds like your staying out of security and not knowing what the future will hold for you. Have you thought that the relationship has come to an end and there may not be a future for it? Its hard to get the relationship back to what it used to be because sometimes your efforts have no success. I think you should end the relationship while the going is good, sooner or later you might cave in to temptation, better to do it once you are free of your boyfriend then there will be no consequences. I had a weight issue and it did cause problems in my life, my ex wasn't proud to have me around when we were in social situations and he ignored me which hurt. All I can say now is think about the possibility of being on your own, you deserve happiness and by the sounds of it, it's not to be with your current partner. Anyhow I wish you all the best.
seibert253 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Have you told your BF about how you feel? I mean EVERYTHING, including you talking with your Ex? For some reason, I don't think you've been totally upfront and honest with him. How can he fix something if he doesn't know it's broke. I already know your answer, I've been or have been trying to tell him. Listen, us guys tend to ignore the gravity of a situation until faced with life or death circumstances. Sucks, but that's how most of us are. Be careful, if you are not already involved, you're treading very close to an EA with your Ex. If you continue, I'll bet the paycheck you will end up in bed with him. Relationships change over time. The spark goes away and yes it gets monatone and boring. Same thing everyday. The key is to regain the spark and keep the fire. Have you and your BF tried couples counseling? I highly suggest you do. You're confused right now, being pulled in two opposite directions. The excitement of your relationship with your Ex, and the security of your current BF. Listen, what caused you to fall in love with you BF is still there. It just needs to be brought back to the surface. Want to fix this? Here's my opinion: 1. Sit down and tell your BF everything. You need to do it alone, someplace without any distractions. 2. You need to be brutally honest with BF about you, your contact with your ex, and the feelings you are having toward him. 3. Insist the two of you go to counseling 4. Agree to a date night, one nite everyweek where it's just the two of you, no one else. 5. You need to end all contact with your Ex. No, he cannot be your friend. If you continue contact, you will be right back to where you are now. If you recommit to your relationship 100%, without the distraction of your Ex, I'll bet the farm you'll find the love you think is flowndering, but was really there all along. Peace and Good Luck.
seibert253 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Yes I can relate to what your saying, what you've wrote sounded like my relationship that I had for 10 years but a few things were different, he totally loved me. Okay you've come to a crossroad in your life and now might be looking for a bit extra outside of the relationship. It happens and feelings for other people and in your case an ex can be reignited. Sounds like your staying out of security and not knowing what the future will hold for you. Have you thought that the relationship has come to an end and there may not be a future for it? Its hard to get the relationship back to what it used to be because sometimes your efforts have no success. I think you should end the relationship while the going is good, sooner or later you might cave in to temptation, better to do it once you are free of your boyfriend then there will be no consequences. I had a weight issue and it did cause problems in my life, my ex wasn't proud to have me around when we were in social situations and he ignored me which hurt. All I can say now is think about the possibility of being on your own, you deserve happiness and by the sounds of it, it's not to be with your current partner. Anyhow I wish you all the best. Jada, not slamming you but this "me at all costs" and "Life is about ME being happy", is the exact reason the D rate is at 50%. Relationship are about work, compromise, and yes happiness. There is a happy medium. If a person lives their life only concontrating on their happieness, they'll live a lonely life and will never experience true happiness. Ironic isn't it.
Author jayne_doe Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 Thanks for the feedback i really appreciate it. I've got alot of things to work out, getting that off my chest helped, any more feedback is more than appreciated .
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