tigressA Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I broke up with my ex more than 2 months ago. We dated for a year and 9 months. I initiated contact with him last week and we've been talking every night for at least an hour and a half. He told me he is visiting this weekend with friends; he's staying with a friend who lives off-campus, and I asked if I could see him. So we've got plans for Saturday. I've given it a lot of thought and I want to give things with him another go. We both are willing to risk the possibility that seeing each other may be awkward and that one or both of us won't want to go ahead with the reconciliation after that. We also agree that we will just go with the flow and see what happens. We are not putting any limits on what could happen, due to the fact that we were together for awhile and we weren't broken up for very long at all. The talks we've had have been great, very productive. We've realized things about ourselves and each other. I've come to see that my ex is just a very simple, easygoing person at heart--yet he can be too easygoing, which is one thing that frustrated me. I was always the one coming up with things to do together and because of his nature, I felt like he just didn't really care about maintaining the relationship. He acknowledged he'd gotten really lazy in the relationship when I stayed with him and his family for the summer, which is what led to the breakup. When we were talking he told me about some places he'd like to go, things he'd like to do, so that right there is a lot of progress. Also, I realized that the other big issue--his sense of humor sometimes being offensive--was in part due to me being dependent on him for my happiness. I expected him to shoulder the full burden of not ever upsetting me. I didn't think that I could take steps to avoid that myself. There was a point in our relationship when I did make an effort to be indifferent to anything he said that typically offended me, and it worked wonders. I immediately felt a lot better, and he also stopped saying those things as often. He's one of those guys who thinks it's cute when a girl gets mad and sometimes does/says things just to grind my gears. I also acknowledged that I was okay with this until things went downhill over the summer--his laziness ended up spoiling everything for me. Everything I had even the slightest issue with was magnified, etc. The summer was just an extraordinary circumstance that neither of us navigated very well, and just through our recent conversations alone we have already done well in communicating more effectively with each other. And he always has treated me very well overall. He struggled a lot with opening up to me emotionally, but I do know that he did fall in love with me while we were together, as I did with him. He was always really solid and dependable--I could rely on him for anything. He also did sweet, considerate little things for me, like offering to pay for my milk and bread while out food shopping at school because he would use those a lot when visiting me on weekends for his tea and toast. Before I contacted him I looked through pictures of us on Facebook a lot and I would become rather wistful. I've had a lot of fun weekends recently with my housemates and it would always make me think of him because he'd become friends with everyone who lived in my house and we'd all hang out on weekends when he was with me. I have come to miss him, to appreciate the qualities in him and our relationship that I gave up when I broke up with him. I don't have any real reason to believe that things won't go well this weekend, except for the fact that sometimes the magic just doesn't happen when you're in front of each other again...wish me luck
torranceshipman Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Good luck! Sounds more like a break than a break up...
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Well, I did actually break up with him, with intent to not contact him or see him from there on out, and before I initiated contact last week we hadn't spoken to or seen each other at all. But as I said, it's been less than 3 months...so I won't be surprised if it just feels like old times again when we see each other. It's already felt like things are like that, at least with our phone conversations. We talked a lot about where the line is between "starting fresh" and "picking up where we left off". I think with us it would be difficult to start with a totally clean slate because the breakup didn't last very long at all, and neither of us changed very much, except where needed in order to improve upon our relationship the second time around, if it happens that way.
northstar1 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 My apologies if I'm confusing this with another story, but is the same ex you dumped a few months ago because you said you weren't in love anymore? Why the change of heart? Feelings never left, or are you feeling lonely being single?
Author tigressA Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Yes, it is the same guy. I did have a change of heart...circumstances being what they have been since I got back into the school routine, I found myself being reminded of my ex almost all the time. All the fun we had together, all the good things--some of the not-so-good things too, but I figured since he was on my mind a lot and I missed him I should really evaluate the split and our relationship as a whole, see if it was worth another shot. So I did.
Author tigressA Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 The weekend went really, really well. So well in fact, that we are officially together. I was a little worried that it would be weird but it wasn't at all. Basically from the moment we saw each other again it felt so right. We're both very happy.
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