Coping with a break up

[LostInLA]

Hi all,

 

This is my first post here.

 

So here's my story.

 

I was with my ex for about 10 years, we were engaged for the last 2 years. He broke off the relationship in March and he told me he wanted space and his independence. For financial reasons we continued living together until July (however, I was in our place until August).

 

To top that off, he started dating another girl in May. He's still dating her right now. This is what really bothered me for a long time, but I think I'm accepting it now. It doesn't hurt as much when I think of them as a couple. I never met her but I've seen her picture.

 

Anyways, it's been a rough ride, a really, really rough ride. The past couple days I have had episodes where I just have to cry. Sometimes I don't even know why exactly, but today I just became REALLY sad and just miss being in a relationship and I miss being so close to someone and for someone to care about me in that way.

 

So, this is my story. It really sucks. It's just so hard sometimes!

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Edited to add:

 

He wants to remain friends, I tried it at first but it was too hard so now we are NC, except when he transfers money to me every month, which he offered during the break up (helping me with my car payment). He's made it clear that I can contact him at any time and he will respond, but I think it's best for me not to right now and I don't know if we can ever be friends, which is really sad.

Edited October 21, 2009 by LostInLA

[Thebob]

ewww, that is an ugly situation. He transfers you money when you aren't a couple? that is nice of him, I wonder what his new girl thinks of that unless she doesn't know. I would keep it NC until you are completely healed cause you seem to still be hung up. There is no point to keep in contact when he went with another girl after breaking up with you during an engagement.

NC

 

Thebob

[LostInLA]

Thanks for the reply!

 

I doubt he has told her about giving me money. (Not even sure if she knows about me...)

 

He told me he still cared about me during the break up, and he probably feels guilty about the break up and putting me in somewhat of a financial bind (plus he convinced me to buy this car when we were together, I wanted a car that was a bit cheaper but he promised to help me with the payments...so at least he's following through with that!)

 

I'm definitely following the NC route, except I do occassionally slip and check his FB (I know..I know..bad!) but I haven't talked with him for over a month.

 

This is the most difficult journey of my life!

[Thebob]

well I still do that, it's like unavoidable and I cant delete her because we never got in a fight, just the distance killed everything. But I doubt my girl will ever call me again when she is back in town or for the summer so I'm just thinking that it's over for life pretty much. But she still has our pictures up and stuff on facebook which is a sign in itself.

 

Like ive never had a perfect relationship that never had any hiccups, then have a break up due to long distance, obviously it wasn't perfect but in my eyes it was while she was in town. I hope she calls but I understand if she wont cause I told her not to becuase it was to hard to keep things going when she is up there and I am down here. Well I told her to call me next summer, so we'll see if she does cause she said she would and she understood my reasoning behind me telling her not to call me and respected my choice and took complete understanding of it. anyways stay strong! and checking facebook in my opinion isn't a bad thing, cause you'll always care for the person even if you broke up on bad terms. Just keep NC and you'll gradually heal.

 

Thebob

[LostInLA]

Well I think the reasons it's bad that I check his FB is because:

 

1. We aren't friends on there. (Thank goodness!)

 

2. His status is "in a relationship" with his new GF (ICK!)

 

It would be torture for me before when I would glance at his FB...and see his pictures with his new GF as his profile pic, which felt like such a slap in the face.

 

Now, though, I don't glance at his page as much, and when I cave and look at it...I just think to myself...why am I doing this? I don't care, he's got problems and it doesn't matter what he's doing or what's going on with him and this girl...I guess I get curious if they are still together...but it doesn't make me upset anymore (another thank goodness!)

 

I'm glad I've kept up with the NC and I plan on staying on this path, I do think it's the best thing for myself and I'm getting used to making myself a priority now!

 

Sorry you are having a hard time as well, but these things only make us stronger!

[Thebob]

thanks! hope everything works out.