joeLove Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Here is a situation I would like to have input on. I have been friend with this girl for good while. Because of her job (she travels from time to time), we have been in touch through email/facebook and such. We have never been romantically involved. We are both single. A few months ago, we exchanged emails and checked how each other has been doing... One day, she sent me a note, telling me she bought a house and will be celebrating her B-day. So, she invites me, together with some of her friends. I come to her B-Day, and we catch-up on things that have gone in our lives since we last met (a few years back). Afterward, she wrote me a post card, saying how happy she was, that I was able to come to her B-day and she was looking forward to us catching up some more...I call her upon receipt of the card, but she didn't pick up her phone. Then, I called a few more times, ... she didn't respond. So, i sent her an email, where i said she made an excellent choice with her house and that I was impressed, how well organized she was and that I was glad to see her again. She emailed me back saying, she preferred communication via email than via phone... So, we exchanged more emails and agree to get together for diner soon. We set up a date for diner, but she cancels because of a change of program. She said, she has to prepare for some meeting she has the next day then she will be going out of town. So, we agree to meet, when she gets back. Via email, we set up a date and time, and place to meet for lunch. Lunch goes well and we have a lot of things to talk about. After lunch, i ask her if she would like to go to an event with me the following week. She agrees tentatively, because she thinks, she might have to work around her calendar. I email her the event details. The event has 4 possible open dates/time. She responds by saying, she can't make any of the dates, because she has a conflict. Then I suggest a couple of more options for some similar events on other days, and she comes back saying she can't make them either... she has some conflicts... Then after a few email exchanges, with me trying to invite her ... she proceeds to write the following: "I won't be able to see you again this year, because my very busy schedule and my travels won't allow me to. ". How should I understand this?
lucy9216 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 In my opinion I think this girl is already in a relationship, but she is keeping you there as a back up incase things don't work out.
tfkizzle Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Probably, she's seeing someone else. Definitely, she's not interested in you The signals aren't even that mixed. It sounds like in regards to actions she's been pretty clear about her lack of interest. Sure, you hang out very occasionally. But she won't answer when you call, and she won't call you back. She blows you off more than you actually hang out. And when you gave her four options for a date she said no to all of them - thinking that would be the end of it, or that you would finally pick up on her lukewarm-to-nonexistent interest... Sorry she led you on by keeping in touch and inviting you to her party/meeting her for lunch though. That sucks. When you type it out like that for us it's pretty clear what's up though.
JustLooking123 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I'd interpret it as a rejection. Who knows why. And I'd leave her alone. Sorry, dude.
Goatsbreath Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 It's almost frighting how black and white it seems from a outside viewpoint. I mean its unreal to me that you end with "how should I understand this?" seriously? You invited her to upward of 7 events, she turned them all down and then went further to say, not only will these 7 days not work but also these other 70 days are also not convenient. I'm sorry man but she is not interested
TheLoneSock Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 There is no such thing as mixed signals. If a girl is sending you signals that you instinctively feel are 'mixed', it is actually a loud and clear explanation that she's no longer in it- be that love, the relationship, you, ect. If it's mixed, it's a no. Move forward.
boogieboy Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Heres how you never make this mistake again Joe. If a woman doesnt flirt heavily with you, and you dont flirt heavily with her when you first meet, then you will be friend zoned, as you were with this woman. She wasnt sending you mixed message, she sent you obvious messages of "Im not interested" and youre eyes are too clouded from infatuation to understand. She has been using you to make herself feel popular, and you went along with it because you were afraid to make a move. Next time, get aggressive. ( i mean with the next woman, dont ever talk to this one again)
gorgeousboy Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 boogieboy, is it ever possible that a girl is nervous and doesn't show her true self of liking a guy?
boogieboy Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 boogieboy, is it ever possible that a girl is nervous and doesn't show her true self of liking a guy? Yeah its possible and you have to work though it, but you also have to keep the possibility in mind that she isnt into you.
Island Girl Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 boogieboy, is it ever possible that a girl is nervous and doesn't show her true self of liking a guy? Even a girl who is hiding says YES to a date with a guy she is interested in. If a girl says "no" once but agrees to something else and follows through then fine she could have been legitimately busy. But if she says no. And then no. And then no. -- you can now kick yourself because you should have stopped at the second time you asked... There are OH SO MANY Others out there. Don't waste time on someone who is yanking your chain.
torranceshipman Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 This girl is not interested in you at all. She thought that when you 2 got back in touch, she'd re-found an old friend, nothing more. Notice how she backed off 100% as soon as she realized you had romantic intentions. THEN you seem to have been pursuing her a bit too much even after the rebuttals on the original 4 dates, and that left her EVEN MORE uncomfortable , and finished with the ultimate 'never ask me out again' by saying SHE IS BUSY EVERY NIGHT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR. Sorry dude, but that is about as blatant a knockback as she could have given you. I am sure you are a lovely guy but this particular girl is looking for something else .
BCCA Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Absolutely, 100%, not interested. Just let me break it down so you can use this as a learning experience. Dude, Ive made an absolute JACKASS of myself with chicks this same way so many times! Anyway... Afterward, she wrote me a post card, saying how happy she was, that I was able to come to her B-day and she was looking forward to us catching up some more...I call her upon receipt of the card, but she didn't pick up her phone. Then, I called a few more times, ... she didn't respond. Golden rule #1 - You call ONCE, you leave a message, and you leave it be. Before your call, yeah - kind of mixed message, she didnt seem interested, but made moves like she did. She also couldve sent those cards to everyone... So, i sent her an email, where i said she made an excellent choice with her house and that I was impressed, how well organized she was and that I was glad to see her again. She emailed me back saying, she preferred communication via email than via phone... My red flag senses would have gone off right there. So, she cant talk to you on the phone? That does not sound good at all. Either she has a boyfriend (which I actually doubt) or she just doesnt want to feel awkward when she has to turn you down on the phone. So, we exchanged more emails and agree to get together for diner soon. We set up a date for diner, but she cancels because of a change of program. She said, she has to prepare for some meeting she has the next day then she will be going out of town. So, we agree to meet, when she gets back. Ok, here is where I smell the BS. At this point, you let her call you if she ever wants to see/talk again. I realize people get busy, but THIS, after the whole 'dont call me' bit...not good. She agrees tentatively, because she thinks, she might have to work around her calendar. I email her the event details. The event has 4 possible open dates/time. She responds by saying, she can't make any of the dates, because she has a conflict. Then I suggest a couple of more options for some similar events on other days, and she comes back saying she can't make them either... she has some conflicts... Then after a few email exchanges, with me trying to invite her ... she proceeds to write the following: "I won't be able to see you again this year, because my very busy schedule and my travels won't allow me to. ". You wasted far too much time on this chick. All she wanted was some attention and you went like, 110% into the pursuit. Watch the signs though, man, she gave you TONS of them that this was going nowhere, but you didnt stop to smell the roses.
Author joeLove Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Thanks for your responses. I agree with everyone here that she is really not interested. I have now moved on ... to bigger and better things ......
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