littlebittle Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I've been NC with me ex boyfriend for a week. He broke up with me. We tried to be friends for 3 weeks and hang out as usual, but last week I initiated no contact because things were getting too stressful. He said he never wanted to be with me again, so that's that. He still wants us to be best friends, but it's impossible for me. I told him I'd call him in 2 weeks to see how we feel. I told him it could very well take longer than 2 weeks for me to be able to see him again. I'm starting to feel more and more like I won't be able to see him anytime soon. I feel like maybe it would be better for me if we just didn't talk again. I've never met anyone like him, and I know he is going through his own problems, but ultimately it doesn't make sense to me that we're not together. His close friends have talked to me and told me he honestly sees me as his best friend and I should try to get past things so that we can be friends. I really want to, but I can't shake my feelings. This has been the healthiest, most communicative and loving relationship I've been in, and I've never been more compatible with someone. It's just too hard for me that we can't be together the way I want. He's been so supportive and caring and understanding through all of this, and protective and worried about me. In fact, he fawns over me, and it almost just makes things worse. He's done so much to try to ensure that we remain friends. I know that he really cares about me, even as just a friend. But I feel like walking away from this. It's a horrible feeling. I don't feel close to many people, but I've never felt closer to anyone than him. It's horrible to think that I finally found someone like him and I don't think I can have him in my life.
Angel1111 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Then you need to be respectful of your own feelings and sever the tie with him. Maybe in a year or two, the two of you can be friends again but it's way too soon to expect that right now. The only way to break the connection and move on is to just stop talking. If he doesn't want a relationship with you with all the bells and whistles, then he doesn't get to have you as a friend. He may be a nice guy but you're feeling very pressured to stay in this friendship mode when that's not really what you want. Again, you need to be respectful and protective of yourself. Do what your instincts are telling you to do.
ecm Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Why did he say he broke up with you? I think NC is the way to go. I think if you don't call him in two weeks (as you said you would) his story MIGHT change. It might not, but it's a good way to see if he broke up with you b/c he doesn't want to be with you or just b/c he needed space. I've told people I'd never be with them again....and lied.
Author littlebittle Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 His reasons for breaking up are still kind of confusing. He said he wasn't attracted to me suddenly, although none of his other feelings for me have changed. He also said he's just not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I believe him, he's been extremely open and honest about everything. I think he's not over his ex, either. They broke up a year and a half ago, but it was a long relationship and his only one. He was dumped big time. I figure the why's aren't important, and just the fact that he doesn't want to be with me is what I need to understand. What do you mean his story might change? I can't try to believe that his feelings will change, I feel like it's unhealthy. I want to be with him someday, but at this point I've been through so much emotional stress that I'm not sure I could get back together with him right now even if he wanted to. And I know he doesn't. Blah.
Olylama Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I know the deep sadness your feeling. Its so sad hey. But this will pass eventually. He's just not that into you. Pick your self up when you want to and lift your head high because you are worthy of someone who is into you. That person is out there right now. Keep an eye out for them. x
ecm Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 What do you mean his story might change? I mean, he might think he doesn't want to be with you b/c he thinks he HAS you. If you don't call him when you say you're going to, he might think he made a mistake. That's all. I can't try to believe that his feelings will change, I feel like it's unhealthy. I want to be with him someday, but at this point I've been through so much emotional stress that I'm not sure I could get back together with him right now even if he wanted to. And I know he doesn't. Blah. I just overanalyze everything. You are way stronger than I am. Good. Anyway, you need to think about your own feelings. If being friends hurts you, don't do it until you're ready, sista.
Author littlebittle Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 I mean, he might think he doesn't want to be with you b/c he thinks he HAS you. If you don't call him when you say you're going to, he might think he made a mistake. That's all. Ok, I see what you were saying. Yeah, I mean, I could not call him, but I feel like it would be kind of manipulative of me to do something like that. If I'm not going to call him, it should be for my own reasons to protect myself, and not just to try to sway his opinion or something. It just seems like something that wouldn't go well... Thank you for your advice, and responding to me! Everyone is really nice around here.
Angel1111 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Ok, I see what you were saying. Yeah, I mean, I could not call him, but I feel like it would be kind of manipulative of me to do something like that. If I'm not going to call him, it should be for my own reasons to protect myself, and not just to try to sway his opinion or something. It just seems like something that wouldn't go well... Thank you for your advice, and responding to me! Everyone is really nice around here. You were right on target earlier when you said that he has chosen to not be with you and that's all you need to know. Do not try to second-guess people and figure out their motives. He ended it - that's all you need to know. I think it's a bad idea to call him.
muse08 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 You were right on target earlier when you said that he has chosen to not be with you and that's all you need to know. Do not try to second-guess people and figure out their motives. He ended it - that's all you need to know... i couldn't have said this any better... we second guess ourselves so much and try to give men the benefit of the doubt. but honestly, what he said is all you can act on.no need to read btwn the lines. you still care and that's understandable but realize that standing up for your own happiness is more attractive than trying to figure him out. just chill for a minute and focus on yourself
Author littlebittle Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 Thanks guys. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not really trying to figure him out at this point. That seems like a waste of my time. I just feel sad about losing this person, even as a friend. We have such a meaningful connection. I have a lot of good friends, but kindred spirits are rare. I feel like I'll have a better idea of what I need to do within the next few weeks. As far as not calling him, whatever I decide, I will at least call him just to let him know. I told him that I would check in with him, and we'd go from there. I'm not trying to make things worse, but there's no bad blood between us, and I don't feel uncomfortable calling him when I said I would. Even if just to tell him I need more time.
ecm Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Ok, I see what you were saying. Yeah, I mean, I could not call him, but I feel like it would be kind of manipulative of me to do something like that. If I'm not going to call him, it should be for my own reasons to protect myself, and not just to try to sway his opinion or something. It just seems like something that wouldn't go well... Thank you for your advice, and responding to me! Everyone is really nice around here. Once again, you're stronger (and wiser) than I am. I am bad when I feel people are manipulating me, so I feel the need to fight back, you know? Like if someone is playing games (WHICH I'M NOT SAYING YOURS IS) I want to know why, etc, etc. Juat being honest. But, you sound like you have a good handle on and attirude about your situation, so maybe IIIIIII shoudl be asking YOOOOOU for advice
GrayClouds Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Thanks guys. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not really trying to figure him out at this point. That seems like a waste of my time. You are correct, and have most of the wisdom you need already. Just believe your own instincts. Stop wasting energy on figuring him out and start focus on you. read the following: So you want a second chance?
Recommended Posts