Johnny M Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 This was originally written as a response to another post, but it got too long, so I figured I'd start a new thread for the benefit of those disappointed with their lack of success with online dating. Keep in mind that this is written from a male's perspective. It’s not my intent to bash women….I’m sure most guys on online dating sites are weirdos as well. I guess my general opinion is that POF.com unfortunately has alot of wishy-washy types. At least that's been my experience so far. Really sucks. It's not just POF....online dating is like that in general. You have to understand that people sign up for these sites for various reasons. Many of these people have absolutely no interest in dating, even if they are say that they are looking for dating in their profiles. From my personal experience with POF, girls there can be divided into nine general categories: 1) Attention whores - good-looking girls who put up profiles solely for the purpose of stroking their ego and getting complimented by men. They have no interest in going on a date with anybody and are a complete waste of time. 2) "Don't know what I want" types - by far the largest contingent of women on POF - probably over 50% of all women there. When asked what they are looking for, they usually respond with something like this: "I'm not really looking for anything....but if a great guy comes along, anything could happen....though I'm kinda skeptical about this whole thing". These women are usually flakes....they would exchange a few messages with you and then disappear. Or, if you ask them if they wanted to meet in real life, they would say "sure"…but when you actually try to schedule a date they inevitably inform you that they can't meet on the day you suggested and don't offer an alternative. Generally, the communication exchange ends shortly thereafter. 3) Pen pals - these women say they are not comfortable to meet in real life until they get to know you. Problem is, "getting to know you" can take a very long time....in some cases, many months. Often, they are only interested in online correspondence. Even if you eventually get them to agree to meet up in real life, these women are almost never worth the energy you must put in in order to make it happen. 4) Nervous/Paranoid women - like Pen Pals, these women will correspond with you willingly yet they won't go on a date. These women actually want to meet somebody, but they are either too nervous to actually go on a date or extremely paranoid about their safety (which begs the question: if you think that going on a date with someone you met online is too dangerous, why bother with online dating in the first place?) 5) Serial daters - these women would have no problem going on a date with you. In fact, that's why they're on POF. However, the fact that they agree to go on a date with you does not mean that they are interested in you as a potential partner. Dating is an activity that they do to occupy their time...kind of like a sport or a hobby. They just think that dating is "fun"....especially if the guy is picking up the bill... 6) Desperate ugly chicks - they're on POF because no one's asking them out in real life and they think that they can fool people by posting blurry headshots taken at crooked angles with a cheap webcam. 7) Desperate single moms - self explanatory 8) Fake profiles - self explanatory 9) NORMAL GIRLS - these girls actually want to meet a man for a real-life relationship, they're not interested in wasting time, and they have no problem going on a date with someone they find interesting/attractive. They are on POF because they either have busy schedules that keep them from meeting men offline...or they don't find men in their social circle attractive. The only problem with these women is that they comprise a small minority of all females on POF. This means that for every serious girl who is actually looking for something real, you're gonna have to sift through multiple flakes, weirdos, uglies, etc. And that that's just the nature of the online dating game.
alphamale Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 online dating is a scam akin to credit cards...
lucy9216 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 "7) Desperate single moms - self explanatory" I do take offense to this as not all single moms are desperate, they are looking for someone just like everyone else is. Granted there may be a few that are just looking for someone to support them but most do want to be happy with someone. There are women that don't have kids and are looking for someone to take care of them as well, these are called gold diggers. but to label single moms as being desperate, c'mon? really?
alphamale Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I do take offense to this as not all single moms are desperate, many of them are IMHO
lucy9216 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 many of them are IMHO sorry as I am still learning the lingo here, but what does IMHO mean?
Author Johnny M Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 "7) Desperate single moms - self explanatory" I do take offense to this as not all single moms are desperate, they are looking for someone just like everyone else is. Granted there may be a few that are just looking for someone to support them but most do want to be happy with someone. There are women that don't have kids and are looking for someone to take care of them as well, these are called gold diggers. but to label single moms as being desperate, c'mon? really? Never said that all single moms on online dating sites are desperate....however, as alpha pointed out, many of them are....from my experience, there's enough of them to warrant a separate category.
lucy9216 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Never said that all single moms on online dating sites are desperate....however, as alpha pointed out, many of them are....from my experience, there's enough of them to warrant a separate category. Well, that is too bad then. because of this stereotype alot of women that are like me who yes are single moms do get singled out in the dating scene. I work, go to school and raise my kids on my own. this does not make me desperate, I mean I could easily raise my kids as being a single mother until they are grown adults. Again, it is frustrating being labeled all of these things like a professional mother, or desperate. I have noticed since I have been single that single moms are regarded with alot of disrespect and judgement, but how are single dads spoken of?
BobSacamento Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 What are categories for men on Personals? Varying levels of creepers.
boogieboy Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 sorry as I am still learning the lingo here, but what does IMHO mean? IMHO = In My Humble Opinion But coming from alpha IMHO = Irony :lmao:
Author Johnny M Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 Varying levels of creepers. haha, very true...
mickleb Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I'm a lady - category 9, of course - who has used dating sites and would say that you could state the same about most men on them, except add your average playa behaviour to the serial dater catergory (and guys like alphamale - sorry my friend but I find even typing that name out too silly for words) and swap nervous/paranoid women for commitment phobes; that category goes at the top. Having said that, sifting through the flakes, weirdos and downright repellent is just all part of the dating game, generally, isn't it? Moi deux centimes..
Sam Spade Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) "7) Desperate single moms - self explanatory" I do take offense to this as not all single moms are desperate, they are looking for someone just like everyone else is. Granted there may be a few that are just looking for someone to support them but most do want to be happy with someone. There are women that don't have kids and are looking for someone to take care of them as well, these are called gold diggers. but to label single moms as being desperate, c'mon? really? All else equal, they are. And that's a deficiency that has nothing to do with their personality, but with the fact that their incentive structure is completely different from a woman without this baggage, and the implications are almost never good. For example, (all else equal), a woman in this situation is more likely to overlook potential problems (such as insufficient physical attraction) in the name of establishin a relationship with long term potential if the guy is otherwise "good on paper". Conversely, dating a single mom presents multiple logistical difficulties that are simply not worth it - dating is hard enough without any of that. Even if none of that was an issue, most guys are simply put off by the thought of raising someone else's kids. I've known a few single moms, and the coolest of them simply did not date at all until their kids were a bit older (at least elementary or middle school), and focused on always being able to take care of themselves insted. Otherwise it just seems as a no-win situation . Edited October 21, 2009 by Sam Spade
torranceshipman Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Wow, overly harsh on no's 6 and 7! I was always a 9 but was probably perceived as a 5 by some men, as I do enjoy dating for the sake of dating, i.,e. appreciating a great night out for what it is without pressuring myself or the guy to always think the date should turn into a R, and I seem to attract the traditional type who is very happy to take me somewhere nice and pick up the bill...problem always was that though a lot of these guys were good fling material nothing was good long term potential...now I've met someone who really fits the bill for my 9 mentality so it's all good.. Men are just as bad, though...!
Author Johnny M Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 I was always a 9 but was probably perceived as a 5 by some men Huh? How can you be a 9 if men perceive you as 5? I don't get it? as I do enjoy dating for the sake of dating, i.,e. appreciating a great night out for what it is without pressuring myself or the guy to always think the date should turn into a R, and I seem to attract the traditional type who is very happy to take me somewhere nice and pick up the bill... No one says that a date should inevitably lead to a relationship. However, it's disingenuous to go on a date with someone you know you're not particularly interested in simply for the sake of having a good time - unless you make your intentions unambiguously clear to the other person. Otherwise, you are wasting their time, not to mention money...
BCCA Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 No one says that a date should inevitably lead to a relationship. However, it's disingenuous to go on a date with someone you know you're not particularly interested in simply for the sake of having a good time - unless you make your intentions unambiguously clear to the other person. Otherwise, you are wasting their time, not to mention money... Brother, telling women to stop letting guys they arent interested in spend money on them is like telling a fish to stop swimming. If a guy isnt savvy enough to see through that after a date or two, he'll learn soon enough. And its the opposite of the guys that pretend they want a relationship to get sex and bail.
Author Johnny M Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 Brother, telling women to stop letting guys they arent interested in spend money on them is like telling a fish to stop swimming. If a guy isnt savvy enough to see through that after a date or two, he'll learn soon enough. Very good point. That's why going for coffee or a walk in the park is a great idea for the first date. If the woman is interested in you, it won't matter where you go. If she says she doesn't drink coffee (newsflash: coffee shops offer more beverages than just coffee) or that she doesn't like walks or that she wants to do something more "exciting" or "original", she's not interested in you.
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