Arabella Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 After breaking things off permanently and swearing I'd never speak to him again... 10 days later, it's like nothing changed. He contacts me whenever the hell he wants, he replies only when he chooses to and goes MIA whenever he feels like it. Once in a while when he feels I start to withdraw, or maybe when he's having a bad day and needs the reassurance, he asks me if I still love him. What's a girl to say? I do love him. It was never an issue of love between him and I. But I don't want to tell him that. He knows I do, but he doesn't deserve to hear it... and yet, I don't want him to forget that I do. Sigh. I want to be friends with him because I know that's the only way I can have him in my life. A relationship wouldn't work, we know that much now. I just don't know how to do it... it always feels off balance. A constant power struggle... Arabella
JaggedRoad Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 How is he contacting you? By phone? Don't answer if that's the case.
Author Arabella Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Text message. It's the only way he ever contacts me anymore. Honestly though, that's fine by me. I do want him to stay in touch. I just wish it didn't have to be a constant power struggle. I always reply back when he texts me. On the other hand, he ignores mine whenever he wants and one day texts back out of the blue like nothing's happened acting like the old him I fell in love with. I don't know if he's just trying to control my emotions or this is genuinely the best he can do right now due to his mental instability. Sometimes, it feels like he's just manipulating me, but it's hard to tell anymore... :/ Arabella
JaggedRoad Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I would say all of the above... his mental instability is making him... unstable x_x He's going to regret it later on. Do what you can to stop him from contacting you.
Author Arabella Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 As badly as I wanted to keep in touch with him, I'm starting to feel used. Like he only wants the reassurance of knowing someone loves & cares about him. Maybe I really am better off cutting him off entirely At this rate, I doubt he would even know the difference... at least until he's having another bad day and needs someone to make him feel valued :/ Arabella
icecreamland Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 you REALLY need to cut contact! just read over your posts, you've answered all your own questions! he isn't treating you right and is using you to comfort him through him getting over you. cut contact completely and trust me you WILL feel better. promise. if you maintain contact, you will continue to feel hurt! even if you want to be friends in the future, this is the only way, because you will grow to resent him if you keep putting yourself through this. good luck boo.
lemeng Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 you need to apply NC it will be hard but you deserve batter i am coping with my own lost right now and i know how it is to love someone who treats you this way it is hard but you can do it let go and forget you have your own life to worry about
GrayClouds Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 As badly as I wanted to keep in touch with him, I'm starting to feel used. Like he only wants the reassurance of knowing someone loves & cares about him. Maybe I really am better off cutting him off entirely At this rate, I doubt he would even know the difference... at least until he's having another bad day and needs someone to make him feel valued :/ Arabella You are being used, he is getting what he needs without giving it back to you. You would not let someone do that physically to you, so why let them do it emotionally to you. Read both of the following, it with help: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance?
Author Arabella Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 Thanks for the responses guys. The funny thing is... I was the one who made the decision to end it permanently as opposed to just a break like he originally intended, and yet, I feel like I'm the one who was dumped. Something's wrong with that picture. *Sigh* I rationally know I should go NC and forget about him... but it's so hard when you truly, honestly care about someone regardless of the relationship you once shared. I find it very difficult not to be concerned about him, or wonder what he's up to Arabella
GrayClouds Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Thanks for the responses guys. The funny thing is... I was the one who made the decision to end it permanently as opposed to just a break like he originally intended, and yet, I feel like I'm the one who was dumped. Something's wrong with that picture. *Sigh* I rationally know I should go NC and forget about him... but it's so hard when you truly, honestly care about someone regardless of the relationship you once shared. I find it very difficult not to be concerned about him, or wonder what he's up to Arabella You were the one who got dumped. He said a break, which is a dump, you said all or nothing and he said NO. Another dump. You don't need to forget him but do need to focus on yourself. Spend time with those who see how great you are, try somethings you have always wanted to try, EXERCISE, start a hobby. These things will let your thoughts about him take care of itself.
Author Arabella Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Well that's not exactly how it worked out... he needed a break but wanted us to remain committed so he could straighten himself out. Meanwhile he treated me like crap though... which is why I decided I had had enough. Several weeks later, he has still refused to acknowledge my decision and continues to act like we're sorta still together but not really <_< Same thing though. In the end, this is really hard for me because I can't get him to acknowledge we're over (like, if he doesn't acknowledge it, didn't happen...) and we can neither move on nor take steps towards improving our situation. We're in limbo. Thanks for the advice, guys. You're right. I'm going to have to start shifting the focus from him to myself. I can feel my grades slipping, my health worsening from lack of proper sleep, etc.... I can't let this continue Arabella
Recommended Posts