shortstuff Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years. Most of our relationship has been long distance (about 4 hours away), but we get to spend summer together due to our jobs. I can talk to him about anything, his family has become a second family to me, and we share a lot of the same core values (religion, politics, etc). HOWEVER, there has been a repeating theme of him putting his friends before me. We're both understanding people; we know that because of the distance that if we're with other friends, we can't always talk. The problem comes that he will blow me off for days at a time because of his friends, and if he does answer his phone to have a conversation, he doesn't say anything. Even when he isn't with his friends, he will not talk or narrate what's going on in sports or his video games. Also, he is horrible in bed. He thinks he knows what he is doing down there, but he doesn't. He's very focused on getting his needs met. Despite these problems, I love him. He is the first guy I can look at and see myself marrying. The second guy I have fallen for is my best friend. We've always had a relationship that has been more than friends but never a couple. I can talk to him about ALMOST anything, I get along well with his family, and I have known him for over 5 years. About three months ago, he moved about a half hour away from me and we started seeing each other at least 3 times a week. It only made sense; he is my best friend. About a month and a half ago though, I began to suspect that he did like me as more than a friend. I voiced my concerns to my boyfriend who blew it off as nothing. I believed him. A month ago, my best friend kissed me after pouring his heart out to me about how he's loved me for the last 4.5 years. Freaking out, I called my boyfriend in hysterics about what had happened. He didn't respond. My boyfriend simply told me that I shouldn't feel bad since I didn't kiss him. Ever since I kissed my best friend, we've been talking more and more. He's recently been diagnosed with depression and really needs someone to help him through it. The problem is the more and more we talk and the more I see him, the more I find myself wanting to kiss him. Then it happened. He came over to watch a movie and we fell asleep on the couch together. The next thing I know is that I feel someone placing kisses all over my body. At this point, I'm not quite awake and am unsure what's going on. When he kissed me on the lips, I thought for a moment I was dreaming because my boyfriend only kissed me this well in my dreams. When my shirt came off, however, I knew that I was wide awake and that it was my best friend who was making me feel amazing. Shamefully, I let him continue for a while before I had to push him away. We didn't have sex, but we came close. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about it, but he keeps changing the topic. I know he isn't comfortable with what I have to say, but I feel like he doesn't care. Additionally, I can't stop thinking about both of them. My boyfriend and I have a much deeper emotional connection that my best friend and I, but I've realized that I have a stronger sexual attraction to my best friend than my boyfriend. I feel safe with my boyfriend and I know he can offer me the security that I need; however, my best friend is more questionable. My boyfriend is in the army and leaves for basic soon. I don't want to drag this out any longer than it has. I have no idea what I should do...
Javelin Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I have no idea what I should do... You should probably leave them both alone as you're not really relationship material at the moment. You don't have the will power to say no and you're not strong enough to let something go that continues to drag on. Right now, you need to be single.
road Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 First dump old BF he's not good for you, and the sex will always be bad, even years from now. Second dump new BF. Sick is the word to put the moves on a sleeping girl. Third go to IC. You are not ready for a relationship. Your actions have shown this.
lostsunsets Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Javelin is right. You didn't know he was kissing you until he took your shirt off? You are a cheater and definitely not GF material. Cut your BF loose. He doesn't want to know because when you tell him, you will remove all doubt about you being a cheater. He obviously loves you, to bad your actions prove that the feeling is not reciprocated.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 My boyfriend is in the army and leaves for basic soon. I don't want to drag this out any longer than it has. I have no idea what I should do... someone in the army and is going to be deployed all over the place, doesn't need to be in a foreign land worrying about whether or not his so-called gf is back home cheating on him. break up with your bf then you can do whoever you want. your bf doesn't need this.
seibert253 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 someone in the army and is going to be deployed all over the place, doesn't need to be in a foreign land worrying about whether or not his so-called gf is back home cheating on him. break up with your bf then you can do whoever you want. your bf doesn't need this. Best thing my HS sweetheart and F fiance' ever did was send me a Dear John letter while I was in Basic Training. I had alot of support from my buds, I was 800 miles away from her, and I couldn't just leave and go to her, grovel and beg. Which is probably what I would have done if I could have. Do the right thing here. You know what it is.
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