Enema Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 You should probably remove his contact email address... pretty tacky.
Zoff Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Online dating invariably sucks, unless you happen to be in the top 10% of so in terms of attractiveness. They're the only ones that get decent offerings.
BobSacamento Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Online dating should only be done for fun. Once you take it serious, it's all downhill.
Ariadne Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 the only notes I get are from grossly obese or men old enough to be my father So, that's probably what you can get, and that is if you are lucky they are not con-men. If you wrote to 20 somewhat decent men and they were not interested, that means they are getting prettier/hotter girls.
EcstasyX6 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I partly blame us men for that.. Part of it is from women in that because women friends dont call each other ugly..You always see a group of women where some 300 women in the group is complemented that she looks great in some in some outfit and you know she doesnt mean it..Us men are more honest..Well call our good friends ugly and hideous and nobody takes much offense.. Where us men are to blame is that most of us unless were a 9 or 10 well hit on anyhting at some point if were drunk enough.. So what you have are these medicore or average women who get hit on all the time sometimes by men a little out fo their league who are juat horny and want to bang something before the nights over and u create a monster where these medicore women now think they are entitled to a very attractive man... Wow! You're rough. And what about the mediocre or average men who think that they are entitled to women who are out of their league, and think they're better than the 'average' woman? Those type of men will actually reject an average woman much quicker than the hot men which is really funny to me. LL, I personally never think of any man out of my league, but when I have actively sought out men in person, or online, I wasn't as successful, as when I was not the aggressor. Typically, I've let men pick me, and I've never had an unattractive bf. They are handsome/attractive (as is my current bf) and considered good catches by other women which is interesting to me, because I consider myself average, but sexy, confident, smart, with a great personality. Maybe it's because men prefer doing the chasing. So make sure you have a really interesting profile, and great pic, and wait and see who contacts you. I know you said you have some nice pics up, but they must not be working, so change them.
AD1980 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) Wow! You're rough. And what about the mediocre or average men who think that they are entitled to women who are out of their league, and think they're better than the 'average' woman? Those type of men will actually reject an average woman much quicker than the hot men which is really funny to me. It does work both ways but most men have an idea of what theyre league is because women out of their league is never approaching them 99 times out of 100.. I dont think i was being all that rough..No rougher the the OP who demands men she thinks are her caliber and cant stand men she thinks are beneath her god forbid being interested in her.. Could you imagine if the op was a man who said only ugly or fat women write him back? Hed be getting murdered For some reason women are allwoed to be harsher on mens looks then vice versa where the mans called a scumbag Edited October 21, 2009 by AD1980
Odyssey Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) ...they say they are looking for "serious"...it's just a pretty face they want, when it comes down to it...not a cute face...a pretty one...an astonishing one...they won't settle for less... Hey there's nothing wrong with cute. And i know, from all your long rants, you have a great personality. You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself... how long have you been doing the online dating thing? Edited October 21, 2009 by Odyssey
Scottdmw Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 After years and years of using multiple dating sites, over and over...I knew there was a reason why I stopped for so long! Mostly, I've always just checked the email once in a while, as opposed to browsing and expressing interest. So here and there I'd get a note from a guy that...surprise! Not interested in...you always see the photos before anything, right? Attraction HAS to be there, right? They are never even close to attractive, to me. Average looking is all I want, but if they aren't WAY to old for me, than they are just plain not cute...hence, why they are probably there. So I decided to browse and send a note of interest to every single guy I thought was halfway handsome and interesting...resulting in about 20 notes or so...doesn't sound like a lot, but I browsed through hundreds. I also have to consider that some don't want children (I do), some don't want "serious" (I do), among other things that you just have to rule out weather they are cute or not. The ones that look like supermodels, well, course I leave them alone all together, cuz you know what they are looking for, and I'm not that... Pretty much all 20 said "not interested"...with a very small remaining few that just don't write back at all. Why did I bother? I don't see anything wrong with photos I have on there, they are the best I could come up with, from head shots to body shots. I am not gross to look at, at all what so ever...just two weekends ago, I met a guy out on the town telling me how "hot" I was...problem was he MARRIED! So is that supposed to count? Hell I dunno! But clearly not a guy I wanted to pursue... LL-- the experience you have had is pretty much the same as just about every guy has online. He e-mails a few women that he thinks are reasonable for him, and they don't respond. He e-mails a whole bunch more, and they still don't respond. He knows that in real life he dates reasonably attractive woman, and can't understand what is happening. Part of the problem is you don't even know whether you would be attracted to a lot of these men if you met them in person. A still photo is a lot different than a live person who can use their personality. You are only going to feel actual attraction to a photo if the man is very good-looking, for a man who is in your league you would not be expected to feel any attraction until you meet him. I believe you are being way, way too picky about the photos. It wouldn't hurt you to meet a few of these guys for a coffee date. If you're not attracted after an hour, then sure move on. There does have to be attraction you are right, but you really can't judge that without an in-person meeting. Give that in person meeting a chance though before you judge. Think about the numbers you're talking about. You browsed hundreds of photos, and only selected 20. You are looking for men in the top 10%. The numbers speak for themselves. Those men that you found in the top 10% are the same men that every single other woman on the site also wants to be with. Of course they don't respond to you. They want a woman who is in the top 10% as well—model quality, not someone who is merely average. The fact that they were not interested in you proves that they are getting responses from much more attractive women than you. Consider yourself lucky that you did get responses from most of them, as a guy I would say 95% of my e-mails are completely ignored, and that is the experience of every man I've ever talked to. Seriously, if you're not meeting anyone in person you are not going to get anywhere. As they say, try kissing a few frogs and you may be surprised by what happens. If you really want to make online dating work, here is what I would do. Every single week, initiate e-mail with a couple of guys that you think are matches for your personality, without worrying too much about what they look like. Between any responses you get there and any guys that e-mail you first, choose the best 2 and correspond with them. The next week meet one of them in person for a coffee date. Meet one guy in person every week or two until you find a relationship. If you are not meeting anyone in person it's not going to work. The one woman I know who did get married from online dating was meeting someone in person almost every day when she finally met her husband. Scott
sumdude Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) I'm 45 and I've been on the dating sites for 18 months. I have had a total of FOUR first dates. The types of email I get are, "Wow UR hot!" or the reverse, NOTE: My profile states I am not interested in men with children and that I only wish to date men who live in my city of San Francisco, so someone from Ohio with a kid is definitely out... Clearly his message was a cut and paste thing he sent to only know how many women. It was worded just like a profile. Some men just play the numbers game. It's actually a tactic taught by some online pickup gurus. Another tactic is for a guy to set up a fake profile as a woman with some pictures of women to learn how a woman sees the dating site. Then you have the phishing scams, come see my website scams the buy a russian wife scams etc etc I've been on a site for a while though not very actively, All the winks I get are from women way above my stated age range. Meaning at least three years older than me. The e-mails I send out with thoughtful replies specifically mentioning something in their profiles to make it clear I'm not just sending randomly don't get replied to. It's like window shopping most of the time. OP have someone who doesn't know you or can be honest with you look at your profile pics. Bad lighting, the wrong background (especially other people) and other things about the picture can make any attractive person look pretty bad. Get a fresh hairstyle, makeup job and go see a professional photographer. Post those pics and I'll bet you'll see a lot more action in your mailbox. Edited October 21, 2009 by sumdude
Author LoveLace Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 If you find every man who messages you unattractive, while every man that you contact is not interested, it can only mean that you're only interested in men who are far out of your league. Far out of my league? No I don't think so...I message guys that I think are somewhat cute and at least have a job of some sort. I'm not emailing Daddy Warbux for cryin out loud. Just average dudes. Women often wildly overestimate their own physical attractiveness. Good-looking women get dozens of emails per day on sites like plentyoffish.com. That is a proven fact. If you're only getting a note "here and there", it means that you're at best average....and more likely below average. I'm not trying to insult you...just saying it like it is. Plentyoffish is a FREE website. I have used it. And I DID get dozens a day, because it's FREE. But once I talked with a guy on the phone that I liked, and after he told me that he had just gotten out of prison, I haven't been back to plenty-o-jailbirds-.com. Don't get stuck on what one person told you. He may have just been trying to be nice to you. He was being nice and trying to make out with me and get me to go out with him as well. And he was very hot, all my girl friends there were saying how hot he was too...but of course, he was married, so maybe he was hot and nice, but obviously, not faithful. If you want online dating to work, you have to be patient and have realistic expectations. Know when I started using online dating? 1999. I think I've been patient enough...
shadowplay Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Know when I started using online dating? 1999. I think I've been patient enough... post a picture of yourself, please. I find it rather baffling that only obese/ancient men wold email you unless you have some serious defect. If you're slightly above average or just average you should be getting more responses. Just post a picture briefly in your profile so we can tell you what's up.
leap83 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 LL, If you don't mind me asking, what website do you use? I have a profile on a dating website and I have received app. 20 different e-mails from different guys over the course of 6 months. Yes - I didn't reply to some of them because I met a guy and ended up dating him for a couple of months (so I stopped responding), but I still got e-mails from VERY interesting men (I checked them out later on after the relationship was over with the other guy). What works for me is not being a paid member - well not always but most of the time. I put a picture of myself on the website (head shot and half a body, smiling) and filled out my profile as honestly as I could (not revealing too much and putting in interesting bits and pieces which would attract someone to contact me). However, being a non-paying member, I can't view guys' pictures. This is awesome because through an e-mail I get to know them better (their personality which should be the main part of feeling attracted to someone) and then I ask for a photo. If they're truly below average or I'm not attracted to them, I tell them this and I move on. However, what I find that ends up happening is that most of the guys I've talked with are quite attractive. There were a couple which were intelligent but not my type. So, maybe that would work better for you. It's about selling yourself. Think of it like this - if I were at a bar, with a bunch of friends and there was a new person in the social circle, how would I make them interested in me and get them to talk with me? What would I say about myself to get them interested? The same goes with these profiles. Plus, you can't tell whether you'd be physically attracted to these men or not through a picture - he might seem below average but when you meet him in person, he turns out to be good looking because personality adds to it.
Johnny M Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Plentyoffish is a FREE website. I have used it. And I DID get dozens a day, because it's FREE. But once I talked with a guy on the phone that I liked, and after he told me that he had just gotten out of prison, I haven't been back to plenty-o-jailbirds-.com. Okay let me get this straight. You got great response on POF but got spooked when a guy you spoke to on the phone turned out to be an ex-con. Now you are on some paid site and no one is writing you or responding to your messages. Correct? First of all, which site are you on? And second, if you really want to get down to the bottom of it, you should post some pics of yourself and a few of the guys you contacted. That's the only way to objectively determine whether you have realistic expectations....
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 How are things with C LoveLace? BTW LL posted a small pic of herself long time ago and she is very pretty. Those men are idiots.
bac Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Suprisingly, I have got emails from a wealthy guy on match.com. I was shocked because he was a doctor with income more than 200.000, very handsome and with a very nice personality. He told me that he has joined the match. com only 2 weeks ago and had only 3 first dates. He was emailing a lot of girls intensively and by the end of his 3 week he already removed his profile from match.com. I guess it takes about 3 weeks to find the right girl for a wealthy guy on match.com.
Author LoveLace Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 How are things with C LoveLace? BTW LL posted a small pic of herself long time ago and she is very pretty. Those men are idiots. LOl gosh that was forever ago, how funny you remember!! hehe, and thanks...C and I are still the best of friends!! We don't get to hang as much because my schedule has become more hectic, but still do when we have the chance. He hasn't dated anyone in a really long time now, or been interested in anyone either, for that matter. We talk every single day, still seem closer all the time, but I'm not counting on a romance to appear anytime soon...I figure this is probably how we are meant to be to eachother and it's a wonderful companionship so I just go with the flow and mean time, hope someone to date comes along. Right now it's been Match.com for a few months, but I've used every other one out there as well. I think Match is pretty popular and just very competitive. Even I look just fine, I'm sure there are still 100's or 1,000's that are prettier than me and even if average guys have a shot with me, they are probably still looking at and hoping to get one of the others...I think a problem with online dating is the endless amount of options makes anyone think "she's cute, but look at all the others! I can do better..."... But just since posting this, I have gotten into texting with a man on there...he's pretty good-looking, so once again I can't figure out what he sees that apprently others don't see, but I guess all that matters are the ones who are smart enough to take notice and initiative...he was the one who found ME...so we will see.... Thanks for all the good advice!
Shygirl15 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Suprisingly, I have got emails from a wealthy guy on match.com. I was shocked because he was a doctor with income more than 200.000, very handsome and with a very nice personality. He told me that he has joined the match. com only 2 weeks ago and had only 3 first dates. He was emailing a lot of girls intensively and by the end of his 3 week he already removed his profile from match.com. I guess it takes about 3 weeks to find the right girl for a wealthy guy on match.com. Kinda went through the same scenario and met him just as I was about to shut down my Match profile in frustrations. It takes a lot of patience sometimes to get to the right one.
OpenGL Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Lets see a picture of yourself and then see some pictures of the guys you are rejecting because they are below average looks. Bumping this inquiry
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