Tearful all the time

[LisaUk]

Hi All

 

Sorry I haven't been about much (that's starting to be a regular opening to my threads ), very busy with law school.

 

I'm having a rough time again. I feel so alone. No one at school gets where I am coming from, they're all early 20's and haven't experienced anything like this. To them I think I just come across as a complaining, miserable, down person. To them a break up is over and done with in a matter of a few weeks/months, they just don't get it.

 

For those who don't know my story, in brief, my ex jilted me a few weeks after we set the date to marry, after 18 years together, since highschool. He pretty much put me on the street with no job/income. I returned to live with my parents, having very little other choice (not great at 34 and my mum is emotionally abusive), and I am now back in school converting my undergrad to a law degree.

 

I just feel so tearful all the time, I'm under huge pressure at school the study is immense, but I can't stop thinking about what he did to us. How could he do that! How could he treat me like that and do that to us after all those years together. I know he's CP, yet it still boogles my mind how he could actually go through with it, justify it to himself.

 

It's been seven months (coming up 8 months) since he did this, when will I feel better, will I EVER feel better?

 

Everyone at school is dating, finding boyfriends, no one is interseted in me, I saw on Brokens thread she has been asked on dates since having her baby, am I really so undeseriable? I must be, he didn't want me and no one else does either. I don't know why I care really, it's not like I am ready to date. I just feel alone, I guess I want my old life back, not him, I don't want him, not after all he has done, just to feel loved I guess.

[J-Dad]

Come on Lisa. Dust yourself off and get out there. I know it's easy for me to say it rather than do it, I'm going through my own tearful phase. You just gotta do it. No sage advice here. You have been a rock around here and are a very nice, understanding and sweet person. There is someone out there for all of us who can give us the love that we deserve and need, we just need to have the courage to look for it and find it in ourselves first. I know that was loaded with cliches, but you can do it girl!

[MrMayI]

lisa, while i'm very happy to see your appearance, i'm very sad that it is under such circumstances. 18 years is a ****ing long time and there's no one to predict when it will end. he will come along. by "he" i mean the man you deserve, and who deserves you. think of it. you're in law school with a bunch of young people. soon, you'll be practicing law and your world will be filled with people of similar qualities as yourself.

 

let me tell you my recent experience. i was seeing a girl, 13 years my junior, who just happens to be in law school. we were having a LOT of fun together, and then she tried to have a serious talk with me one night. she asked questions, and i answered, involving my ex, my daughter, our future, all that. since that night, i haven't heard from her, and she's dating someone her age. the point is, those people can't relate. it's no one's fault. it comes with the ****ty life experiences we all here have had/ are having.

 

we're still all here for you. don't ever, ever forget that. i've been having a bit of a rough go at it lately, myself, but we'll get through it.

[broken hearted]

Lisa, you are a beautiful and amazing woman! Please don't ever forget this! Your ex doesn't want you but that's okay because he doesn't deserve you! My ex doesn't want me either, I want him but I know he doesn't deserve me so I am praying that I can somehow begin to be okay with him not wanting me.

 

I have been asked out since having my baby but they have been guys that I know and have known and apparently had crushes on me in the past...these are not new guys that I am meeting and attracting in my current state. I have a lot of healing to do before I will be attracting anybody new.

 

Please keep your head up, you are an amazing person and you deserve nothing but the best. Please don't settle for anything other than that!

[2.50 a gallon]

Lisa / Broken Hearted

 

About meeting the right one. Sometimes I think there are powers unseen that steer our course, that I have no way of explaining other than fate or destiny. It is as if these unseen winds bring people together at just the right time.

 

How I met my fiance. I am 28, living a happy bachelors life, I hav several friends with benefits, but there is one girl friend that I bring over to family events, just to make them happy as they are worried, that out of a dozen grand childern I am the only male who can pass on the family name. I keep telling my family that bachelorette #1 is not that girl. More family pressure, and I begin to wonder myself what is the matter with me? It keeps buzzing around me head for a month or more. I slowly realize that I do want to meet her. One day my thoughts go to where can I meet this woman, hell she might even be over in that store as I pass it by.

 

That night I go to that very store, and there she was, she had worked there a year. The store had only about a dozen employees, I shopped that store at least once a week, and knew all of the other sales girls except her. Hell I had even dated one of them, and she had seen me a couple of times, while she was on lunch and even knew that I had dated her fellow worker.

 

Unseen powers had seen that I was ready and it was time for us to meet.

Edited October 21, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

Lisa / Broken Hearted

 

Two months after moving back to my home town I meet by present GF, she was a cashier. I think she is beautiful, but way too young for me, like in her 20's. It turns she is in her 30's, but she has a BF, so I do no pursue, but use my tactic of just being friends and being patient, maybe I'll get a chance.

 

Two years go by, and I am about to take a 2 week vacation to the Rockies, and in fact am thinking of job hunting to move there. The day before leaving, she reveals that she is breaking up the BF and preparing to move out. I almost talk her into to going with me on vacation so she too can look for a new place to live, but she just has too many things she has to take care off, like last check, dogs, etc.

 

I was dating at that time but there was nobody special, but for some reason, I was really attracted to my future GF.

 

When I got back from my vacation, I find out that she has followed through on her plans, quit her job and moved. She is available, but I do not know where she lives, and I have great news, I have a fantastic job offer, even have put down a deposit on a awesome apartment where I have wanted to live since I was age 5 and now I am over 45.

 

I began to search for her, nobody knows where she has moved to, then about a month later I hear that somebody has seen her, so I put off moving again. And I was told by the company who hired me to forget it. So I am stuck in my old job

 

Another year goes by, similar situation, I am ready to take a 2 week vacation and go job hunting in the Rockies again, already have several places that want to meet with me. I get all packed in my camper, the battery is dead.

 

Next day, new battery, just as I am leaving my niece calls, her battery is dead, and she is in a bad part of town. The rest of the family is gone, so that days departure is put off.

 

Sunday, last thing I do before leaving is wash my hands, and the kitchen sink goes nuts with water everywhere. Spend the night moping, drying the carpet

 

Monday, the carpet is dried, sink fixed, I leaving tonight, decide to go shopping, first need gas, fill up, try to get freeway, but there was an accident, so I decide to take back roads. Half a mile down the road, and there she is. She is coming out to check her mail, and I drive by at the right time. 30 second later or earlier, we probably never meet again. As in 2 hours later I would have been on my way and I would have moved out of state

 

This was no accident, we were both ready, and it was time for us to meet. You explain it!

Edited October 21, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

Lisa / Broken Hearted

 

Two months after moving back to my home town I meet by present GF, she was a cashier. I think she is beautiful, but way too young for me, like in her 20's. It turns she is in her 30's, but she has a BF, so I do no pursue, but use my tactic of just being friends and being patient, maybe I'll get a chance.

 

Two years go by, and I am about to take a 2 week vacation to the Rockies, and in fact am thinking of job hunting to move there. The day before leaving, she reveals that she is breaking up the BF and preparing to move out. I almost talk her into to going with me on vacation so she too can look for a new place to live, but she just has too many things she has to take care off, like last check, dogs, etc.

 

I was dating at that time but there was nobody special, but for some reason, I was really attracted to my future GF.

 

When I got back from my vacation, I find out that she has followed through on her plans, quit her job and moved. She is available, but I do not know where she lives, and I have great news, I have a fantastic job offer, even have put down a deposit on a awesome apartment where I have wanted to live since I was age 5 and now I am over 45.

 

I began to search for her, nobody knows where she has moved to, then about a month later I hear that somebody has seen her, so I put off moving again. And was told by the company who hired me to forget it. So I am stuck in my old job

 

Another year goes by, similar situation, I am ready to take a 2 week vacation and go job hunting in the Rockies again. I get all packed in my camper, the battery is dead.

 

Next day, new battery, just as I am leaving my nieces calls, her battery is dead, and she is in a bad part of town. The rest of the family is gone, so that days departure is put off.

 

Sunday, last thing I do before leaving is wash my hands, and the kitchen sink goes nuts with water everywhere. Spend the night moping, drying the carpet

 

Monday, the carpet is dried, sink fixed, I leaving tonight, decide to go shopping, first need gas, fill up, try to get freeway, but there was an accident, so I decide to take back roads. Half a mile down the road, and there she is. She is coming out to check her mail, and I drive by at the right time. 30 second later or earlier, we probably never meet again. As I would have moved out of state

 

This was no accident, we were both ready, and it was time for us to meet. You explain it!

[PWSX3]

 

Two years go by, and I am about to take a 2 week vacation to the Rockies, and in fact am thinking of job hunting to move there.

 

Another year goes by, similar situation, I am ready to take a 2 week vacation and go job hunting in the Rockies again, already have several places that want to meet with me.

What I want to know is why you are coming out here for vacation & you don't even stop to say "HI"!!!!!:mad::mad:

 

As my counselor tells me & I'll share it with you....LISA stop doing that stick'n think'n!!!!!!

You are thinking of stuff that you have no control over, you are looking into the future of something you have no idea will ever happen..

 

Use that energy to do things you have control over now such as school.

 

Just keep meeting new people, they don't have to be someone you are going to fall in love with. Make some new girlfriends that you can just hang out with.....

 

I hope you are getting enough sleep & drinking enough water!!!!!

 

Just focus on school & don't worry about what your stbx is telling you.

 

HUGS!!!!!

[tojaz]

Lis,

You have told me this many, many times!! He does not deserve your tears!

Check your E-mail!

TOJAZ

Edited October 21, 2009 by tojaz
Cheer up sweetie!!!!

[dgiirl]

As my counselor tells me & I'll share it with you....LISA stop doing that stick'n think'n!!!!!!

You are thinking of stuff that you have no control over, you are looking into the future of something you have no idea will ever happen..

 

Use that energy to do things you have control over now such as school.

 

Just keep meeting new people, they don't have to be someone you are going to fall in love with. Make some new girlfriends that you can just hang out with.....

 

Exactly what I was going to say!

 

Lisa, check your internal dialog. You are saying some pretty awful things to yourself. Would you say these things to another person?

 

Yes, your ex hurt you! He inflicted a lot of pain on you. But that was only one time, in the past. Today, right this moment, he is not there in front of you hurting you. Right now, today, it's YOU who are hurting yourself. It's your choice to relive the past in your mind that is hurting you. It's the thoughts you choose to think, the thoughts of unworthiness, that is hurting you. But the good news is, you have control over your thoughts! If you want to be happy, and have a great future, then change your thinking. Stop telling yourself you are unworthy. If you want love and you want happiness, then start telling yourself you are worthy, and notice the love and happiness you do experience! If you pay close attention, you probably have some great times with those new friends of yours? Embrace it! Enjoy it for everything it's worth! Even if you have to exaggerate your happiness, embrace it! Keep making new friends. Keep trying new things in life! Play! Life will become enjoyable once you let yourself enjoy the moments.

[Zaragon]

Lisa I recommend you read this book called The Game Of Life. It has helped me a great deal in understanding the simple truth, that you feel exactly how you want yourself to feel.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Game-Life-Play-Forgotten-Books/dp/1605069256/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256158667&sr=8-2

[Gunny376]

Things that make me want to go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

 

You just got out of an eighteen year relationship with a bloke you've been with since British High School?

 

You've moved back home with your parents (Your sixteen all over again ~ you do know that don't you!)

 

Your going through British law school (and all its crap) with classmates half your age?

 

Yea! I would say your qualified and more than earned the right to shed a tear or two?

 

Along with the right to tell the world to kiss your ever loving @zz!

 

You go Girl! Your all that and then some!

 

Make me Proud!

 

Just a couple of weeks ago you were all "I couldn't, I can't, I'm too old,.................

 

And now your out there kicking some @zz and forgetting about their names!

 

YOU ARE KILLER~ELITE!

 

You're such the woman!

 

You are the woman!

 

You've grown and matured so much since you first posted!

 

Your so much stronger than when you first came here!

 

I'll make you a wager!

 

You graduate from law school?

 

I'll give you one of my EGA's from United States Marines Boot Camp.

 

EGA = Eagle, Globe and Anchor

 

An emblem thats won through a hell of lot of pain, sweat, blood and honor!

 

For a Marine to do so?

 

Shows the highest honor and respect to another.

[tojaz]

See Lis, everone has so much faith in you. Every one here knows how strong you are, how amazing you are! With all that you have been dealt, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

TOJAZ

[phineas]

let me tell you my recent experience. i was seeing a girl, 13 years my junior, who just happens to be in law school. we were having a LOT of fun together, and then she tried to have a serious talk with me one night. she asked questions, and i answered, involving my ex, my daughter, our future, all that. since that night, i haven't heard from her, and she's dating someone her age. the point is, those people can't relate. it's no one's fault. it comes with the ****ty life experiences we all here have had/ are having.

 

we're still all here for you. don't ever, ever forget that. i've been having a bit of a rough go at it lately, myself, but we'll get through it.

 

LOL! I hung out with a woman just 2yrs my junior that was VERY interested in me.

But she was never married & had no kids, a social butterfly if you will & conducted a similiar "interview" with me & it was weeks before I heard from her again & she felt compelled to tell me she was non-seriously dating someone. LOL!

 

whatever.

 

I've been talking to someone recently I actually graduated highschool with. Never knew her in highschool but she is single with two kids close in age to mine, has a good job, (makes more than me) works full time.

Has very little time for a social life.

She's a little over a yr past her break-up so she's further along than me.

But, she gets it.

We live in the same world.

we are not dateing or anything like that.

 

I like her too much as a person to try & date her before I know I'm ready.

Right now, I like things the way they are.

Of course, sex would be nice.....

[phineas]

Lisa, I've told you before, your a fine looking woman.

 

Everyone else is saying pretty much the same thing.

Listen to them.

[Auroracoladybug]

Lisa Lisa Lisa...you have been thru so much and I know that I couldn't possibly do what you are doing with school. Pick that head up and do something for you (dress up, long hot shower, make-up). You know that you are beautiful...didn't you mention losing lots of weight? You have worked too hard to kick yourself down. What is fuunny to me is that I bet there are some men that are checking you out at school and you are too busy in study to notice. And don't tell me no...

[broken hearted]

What is fuunny to me is that I bet there are some men that are checking you out at school and you are too busy in study to notice. And don't tell me no...

 

I bet this is VERY VERY true!!

[phineas]

As a man I'd have to agree with the above.

[LisaUk]

lisa, while i'm very happy to see your appearance, i'm very sad that it is under such circumstances. 18 years is a ****ing long time and there's no one to predict when it will end. he will come along. by "he" i mean the man you deserve, and who deserves you. think of it. you're in law school with a bunch of young people. soon, you'll be practicing law and your world will be filled with people of similar qualities as yourself.

 

let me tell you my recent experience. i was seeing a girl, 13 years my junior, who just happens to be in law school. we were having a LOT of fun together, and then she tried to have a serious talk with me one night. she asked questions, and i answered, involving my ex, my daughter, our future, all that. since that night, i haven't heard from her, and she's dating someone her age. the point is, those people can't relate. it's no one's fault. it comes with the ****ty life experiences we all here have had/ are having.

 

we're still all here for you. don't ever, ever forget that. i've been having a bit of a rough go at it lately, myself, but we'll get through it.

 

Hi MayI, what you said here is so true, they are a lot younger than me, there are a few older than me, but the majority are 21-25 years old and you are right, they don't get it. I pray they never will, I wouldn't wish this expereince on them. I'm sorry to hear about the women you were seeing, what you said is so correct, they can't relate. It will be two years before I am in the workplace, I guess I will have to find a way through until I can be with people my own age again. Thanks for letting me know you are here for me, that means so much.

 

 

As my counselor tells me & I'll share it with you....LISA stop doing that stick'n think'n!!!!!!

You are thinking of stuff that you have no control over, you are looking into the future of something you have no idea will ever happen..

 

Use that energy to do things you have control over now such as school.

 

Just keep meeting new people, they don't have to be someone you are going to fall in love with. Make some new girlfriends that you can just hang out with.....

 

Exactly what I was going to say!

 

Lisa, check your internal dialog. You are saying some pretty awful things to yourself. Would you say these things to another person?

 

Yes, your ex hurt you! He inflicted a lot of pain on you. But that was only one time, in the past. Today, right this moment, he is not there in front of you hurting you. Right now, today, it's YOU who are hurting yourself. It's your choice to relive the past in your mind that is hurting you. It's the thoughts you choose to think, the thoughts of unworthiness, that is hurting you. But the good news is, you have control over your thoughts! If you want to be happy, and have a great future, then change your thinking. Stop telling yourself you are unworthy. If you want love and you want happiness, then start telling yourself you are worthy, and notice the love and happiness you do experience! If you pay close attention, you probably have some great times with those new friends of yours? Embrace it! Enjoy it for everything it's worth! Even if you have to exaggerate your happiness, embrace it! Keep making new friends. Keep trying new things in life! Play! Life will become enjoyable once you let yourself enjoy the moments.

 

PW and Dgirl, thanks, I do understand what you mean by this, to enjoy what I have and concentrate on what I can control. This is unfortunately part of my unhappiness though, I feel unworthy because I am being avoided at school, I spend most days alone, I eat lunch alone, I go to the libary alone. I think mainly because the younger students are all pairing up, getting boyfriends and because they find it difficult to relate to me? Also I think they find me depressing and stressful, I think I annoy them. Also, because I don't live there and commute in, I have been asked out to parties etc, but cannot go as I have no way to get home, so making friends is difficult. The last couple of days have been a bit better, all I can do is concentrate on studying and hope I can form some stronger friendships.

 

All of this means that I reflect on my old life, I don't want him, just my old life where I was blissfully happy and he was my everything, just to never have known this pain. It's difficult to explain, I guess I am not happy right now, so my thoughts turn to what I had or rather what I thought I had.

 

You graduate from law school?

 

I'll give you one of my EGA's from United States Marines Boot Camp.

 

EGA = Eagle, Globe and Anchor

 

An emblem thats won through a hell of lot of pain, sweat, blood and honor!

 

For a Marine to do so?

 

Shows the highest honor and respect to another.

 

Gunny, I have no words to convey how much you saying that meant to me, I understand what that honour that would mean, thank you you have helped me more than you could ever know.

 

didn't you mention losing lots of weight? You have worked too hard to kick yourself down. What is fuunny to me is that I bet there are some men that are checking you out at school and you are too busy in study to notice. And don't tell me no...

Hi Ladybug, yes I lost nearly 6 stones (14lbs in a stone).

 

I bet this is VERY VERY true!!

 

As a man I'd have to agree with the above.

 

No really not true, but I appreciate you all saying it! Truely no one is interested, it's not that I'm just not noticing, they are all too young for me, why would they look at an oldie like me when there are so many young hotties about?!

 

Thank you everyone for your replies, it overwhelms me to recieve so many of them, espically when I hardly ever get chance to come on LS anymore and offer support to all of you, I wish I had more time but I don't even get an afternoon off from study all week, including the weekends, it's never ending.

[Gunny376]

I was thinking about you at work, (I work the second shift) and the thought occurred to me?

 

You've been with this "Bloke" (Trying to learn how to speak proper 'English') for the last eighteen years ~ since high school.

 

That means you've invested yourself into him and your relationship for the last ~ EIGHTEEN YEARS?

 

A lot of what your going through ~ the crying and such? Is because the person you looked toward for validation is no longer there validating you as a person, a human being, an individual, as a woman?

 

You were forced to move back home with the parents, and your back to being sixteen again with the Mom. (I did it when for six months when I was 38 ~ It SUCKED! BIG TIME! )

 

Don't seek validation through you X nor your parents!

 

Seek it through yourself!

 

Validate yourself!

 

Your rocking Kid!

 

I know its hard!

 

The road is long!

 

But you can do this!

 

You've got what it takes!

 

Forget your co-students! You've been where they are and BACK!

 

You've already been where they are, gone there, been there, come there, ~ LEFT ~ and come back again! Kicking ass al the way!

 

Your freaking Marco Polo!

 

They've nothing on you!

 

Now get out there and rub a little sunshine on your face!

 

My wife leaving me?

 

Wasn't a curse!

 

It was a freaking blessing!

 

Sometimes?

 

God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers!

 

Thank God and Greyhound she's gone! I really don't think I could've gone on!

 

Being married to her was like dragging a dead horse and saddle around with you everywhere you went!

 

Your better off without him ~ and now you can become the better person without him.

 

Now your free to realize your full potential as a person and as a woman.

 

As an individual.

 

Now your free to be "YOU"

[Lishy]

Lisa you will be AOK I promise you! Where in the UK are you? I am in London!

 

Hey Gunny I think I love you! I love your post style and the support you offer our lisa!

[LisaUk]

Hi

Gunny, I think I get what you mean, I often wonder what others think when I tell them what happened to me. I have often thought they must be thinking "well he was a great bloke, so there muct be something dreadfully wrong with her for him to leave her". I feel unworthy b/c he doesn't want me or love me anymore. I don't think it's valaidation as such, I'm OK with being me, just the me I am is not very good b/c he doesn't love me. Reading that back, that sounds like validation, it isn't what I mean though.

 

Lishy, I was in London too before all of this, now I'm in Devon. Thanks for your kind words.

[tojaz]

Hi

Gunny, I think I get what you mean, I often wonder what others think when I tell them what happened to me. I have often thought they must be thinking "well he was a great bloke, so there muct be something dreadfully wrong with her for him to leave her". I feel unworthy b/c he doesn't want me or love me anymore. I don't think it's valaidation as such, I'm OK with being me, just the me I am is not very good b/c he doesn't love me. Reading that back, that sounds like validation, it isn't what I mean though.

 

Lishy, I was in London too before all of this, now I'm in Devon. Thanks for your kind words.

 

Why define yourself by wether or not this jacka$$ loves you or not. Hes undeserving of that, what makes a walkaway so special that you would doubt yourself over his actions! Hes not the one here working through his issues, hes not the one killing himself at school trying to better himself, hes not the one with 1500 posts trying to help others out of the goodness of his heart. Thats you sweetie!! If he is going to be blind to how good you are, then to hell with him. There are plenty of worthwhile men in this world that would drop to their knees and thank the heavens just for a shot at a woman like you. I know, I'm one of them!

TOJAZ

[Gypsy_Soul]

Hi Lisa,

 

I'm pretty much new here, but I have been reading posts for quite some time now. I can really relate to what you are going through. I came by this site and thought I'd share with you as well. Maybe it'll help you understand a bit about why some men just up and abandon their spouses.

 

www.runawayhusbands.com

 

Keep your head up Lisa:)

[trippi1432]

Hi

Gunny, I think I get what you mean, I often wonder what others think when I tell them what happened to me. I have often thought they must be thinking "well he was a great bloke, so there muct be something dreadfully wrong with her for him to leave her". I feel unworthy b/c he doesn't want me or love me anymore. I don't think it's valaidation as such, I'm OK with being me, just the me I am is not very good b/c he doesn't love me. Reading that back, that sounds like validation, it isn't what I mean though.

 

Lishy, I was in London too before all of this, now I'm in Devon. Thanks for your kind words.

 

Hi Lisa,

 

I know what you mean, as women, we try to break the layers apart and see just where it went wrong....however, having said this, you have to do this for moving forward, not moving backwards. I have sat and thought many times, what could I have done differently to my my H happy....and I know that with his personality...I was never able to do that.....don't know why and it's his problem....but I am peeling back the layers a little to uncover the me I didn't like in the relationship so I know not to get there again.

 

Everybody who meets my ex likes him right away, he's a nice guy until he gets stressed out. The "me" you are today, shouldn't be thinking that you are only better because of him or because you were with him. It's about thinking about the "me" you want to become without him. Just remember, you have a lot of stress on you, living at home, going to school...but think how much better you will be once you are done....work towards those goals and stop digging in the quicksand. There are much better things and people out there for you...your opportunities are endless.

 

Hugs!