samsungxoxo Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 to cheating.. that's if one of the spouse (he or she) was/is abusive. For example: Husband was abusive to wife and would slap her once in while. She cheats on him for a long time and dumps husband for OM. He deserved it for being abusive. Same goes vice-versa.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Um, actually, no. If a person is slapping another around, they deserve to go to jail and be handed divorce papers. You cannot justify being immoral.
scatterd Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I have been beat from two of my exs I did not cheat I Divoriced them.Now I am with someone who does not do that.If a person is abusive they need to get help and if not its time for the op to get out.Its degrading to be abused and takes years to get over the longer it happens the longer the recovery is. I did not want my children to live like that nor myself no one should put up with that.
sally4sara Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 That logic implies that if a woman cheated on her marriage, that would be a trade-off for her partner to beat her there after........ "Uhhh honey, I fully intend to slap you around many time in our marriage so don't bother with monogamy" "Hey dear? Yeah, uhhh, I've been developing a serious crush on Todd from work; I'd really like to take him for a test drive so could you smack me around and just call it even?"
Author samsungxoxo Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 That logic implies that if a woman cheated on her marriage, that would be a trade-off for her partner to beat her there after........ "Uhhh honey, I fully intend to slap you around many time in our marriage so don't bother with monogamy" "Hey dear? Yeah, uhhh, I've been developing a serious crush on Todd from work; I'd really like to take him for a test drive so could you smack me around and just call it even?"No what I meant is that if an spouse has been abusive to you and the other person cheats on them, they deserved that. Off course jail time for being abusive but they also would deserved being cheated on.
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 to cheating.. that's if one of the spouse (he or she) was/is abusive. For example: Husband was abusive to wife and would slap her once in while. She cheats on him for a long time and dumps husband for OM. He deserved it for being abusive. Same goes vice-versa. Nope... an abusive spouse deserves to be sent to jail.. or kicked to the curb.. there is absolutely no excuses for abuse.. BUT... I can see one of the good reason for cheating.. is when one spouse withhold sex... she/he cheats.. then he/she deserves to be cheated on..
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 No what I meant is that if an spouse has been abusive to you and the other person cheats on them, they deserved that. Off course jail time for being abusive but they also would deserved being cheated on. Yes.. cheated on.. sent to jail... but first a kick in the butt...
bentnotbroken Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 to cheating.. that's if one of the spouse (he or she) was/is abusive. For example: Husband was abusive to wife and would slap her once in while. She cheats on him for a long time and dumps husband for OM. He deserved it for being abusive. Same goes vice-versa. So let me get this straight. If a person is abusive(does that include emotional and mental or applies only to physical)then their spouse can go and cheat without conscious, regard for the implications or the pain it would cause others. So if that happens, what did the BS or significant other do to deserve to have said abused(alleged)spouse be the affair partner to his/her spouse? Does the abusing partner also deserve to be exposed to STD's because of the cheating?(I have had this question myself on different occasions). What about the other BS do they deserve to be exposed because the AP has an abusive spouse? What do you think the children deserve to have their worlds further unstabilized by cheating? I mean if children are involved and they have seen the abuse, they can't have health emotional states, so now they get to add the fall out of cheating to it...hmmm sounds a bit like the statement "two wrongs not making something right". If I further understand you are saying that because someone else is showing the stupidity of abuse, then the spouse can show that they aren't much smarter and add fuel to the fire. Why not just leave the abusive situation and find a healthy relationship outside of the toxic situation? Lastly, I speak as a recovering abuser, so I need to make sure I fully understand that you believe that I and my children deserved to have our home defiled, me exposed because they had unprotected sex and we deserved the more than year long harassment from ow because I was an abuser? We deserved to have money and assets hidden and spent on ow and her children because I cheated. I just wanted to be clear. Now that I am, I am glad you explained why it was okay for Mr. Messy to abuse "us"(because a cheated on wife with children is also a cheated on mother. What effects the emotionally state of the mother is usually going to have an effect on the children) in that way.
2sure Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Being abusive because you are abused isnt uncommon of course... But both ARE abuse.
2sunny Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 things should be done in proper order. if it's that bad - leave - divorce. THEN decide when and whom to see after the prior relationship is final. i never get why this concept is so difficult for so many people! finish one thing before starting another, sheez.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 to cheating.. that's if one of the spouse (he or she) was/is abusive. For example: Husband was abusive to wife and would slap her once in while. She cheats on him for a long time and dumps husband for OM. He deserved it for being abusive. Same goes vice-versa. no, still no exception. if anything that would make the person that cheated not too bright. if you have a physically abusive bf, or gf, and you cheat...whaddya think will happen if they find out they cheated? slap them around a little less? if someone I was with starting hitting me, its adios!!!!
boldjack Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Infidelity is a moral form of abuse and is not acceptable. Physical abuse is a crime and the abuser should face the court, to receive punishment.
GorillaTheater Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I'm not sure which is more disturbing: an abusive partner, or the person who tolerates the abuse but yet uses it as an excuse to screw around.
JumpinJimmy Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Um, actually, no. If a person is slapping another around, they deserve to go to jail and be handed divorce papers. You cannot justify being immoral. LF, love the post...short and to the point.
Author samsungxoxo Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 So let me get this straight. If a person is abusive(does that include emotional and mental or applies only to physical)then their spouse can go and cheat without conscious, regard for the implications or the pain it would cause others.Yes mental and emotional as well as verbal abuse can be added in the list as well too. I guess what I was trying to refer is there would be very little sympathy if the abuser gets cheated on and is hurt about it. Let's say the abuser never thought about their abusee screwing around, cheating on them and then once they find out, they go mad, ballistic or get so hurt. Oh well, not too much sympathy for them in that case. As far as what abuser would deserve it more, this depends on how terrible their abuse was. If it's verbal, emotional but never got physical, then ok more sympathy. If it's a scumbag wife/husband beater then yes, no sympathy for them in that case.
bentnotbroken Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Yes mental and emotional as well as verbal abuse can be added in the list as well too. I guess what I was trying to refer is there would be very little sympathy if the abuser gets cheated on and is hurt about it. Let's say the abuser never thought about their abusee screwing around, cheating on them and then once they find out, they go mad, ballistic or get so hurt. Oh well, not too much sympathy for them in that case. As far as what abuser would deserve it more, this depends on how terrible their abuse was. If it's verbal, emotional but never got physical, then ok more sympathy. If it's a scumbag wife/husband beater then yes, no sympathy for them in that case. So what else do I deserve as the abuser. Do I deserve the aids that could come with Mr. Messy's decision to have unprotected sex with me and the ow, who had more than one partner? Do I deserve HPV or maybe calmedia? So the emotional and mental abuse of gas lighting were completely within the realm of payback for me being abusive to him? If I had chosen to continue our marriage, would he deserve for me to cheat on him and expose him to diseases because he emotionally and mentally abused me(which he did before I knew he cheated), I am just trying to be clear on your thought process.
Author samsungxoxo Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 If it was just mental or emotional abuse that never got physical then no, don't deserve. But a beater for example that hits the SO sometimes, not only they should go to jail but should get all the horrible outcome of the their SO's affairs and poor treatment all the time. See what I mean, beaters (the ones doing it physically) shouldn't even be consider humans, they should get their life sentenced and possibly have their whole lifes screwed up...
Devil Inside Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I'm not buying it. If you are going to cheat then own it...whether your spouse was abusive or not....you did your dirt.
Author samsungxoxo Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 I'm not buying it. If you are going to cheat then own it...whether your spouse was abusive or not....you did your dirt.And this is coming from a cheater.......interesting...
boldjack Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I'm an ex-cheater, and I agree with DI and the others completely. My infidelity was of my own making.
Devil Inside Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 And this is coming from a cheater.......interesting... That's right. I am a lying scumbag piece of crap..but at least I can own it. Ya know?
boldjack Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 DI, I take exception to that. I'm a far bigger bastard than you will ever be. I am 1st string, and you are JV.
Devil Inside Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 DI, I take exception to that. I'm a far bigger bastard than you will ever be. I am 1st string, and you are JV. LOL.....OK...well then I am at least on the way there...seriously. However...on this one..I will defer to your experience oh wise one.
boldjack Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Seriously though, it seems to be a part of popular culture , that anything done to a bad person is acceptable. My wife's favorite movie is " Fried green tomatoes",. You konw what happens to the "bad guy", there. In both motion pictures and literature, the villians death is always more horrible than all the others. So it follows that any sin committed against a spouse abuser isn't a sin at all.
Author samsungxoxo Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) Seriously though, it seems to be a part of popular culture , that anything done to a bad person is acceptable. It does makes sense in a way. Why should we have sympathy for him/her if something bad happens to them? They were a total waste of human oxygen in the first place. I would wish them the worst of worst. If years later, it was my brother all grown up and he was putting up with a physically abusive woman, I would wish her the worst death or misery possible. Yes it sounds mean coming from just a 22 year old but no sympathy for them. Edited October 21, 2009 by samsungxoxo
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