brock9911 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 been ok for a while...thoughts of my ex arent completely consuming my life. i still think about her though. but for some reason today...i dont know what it is, but i have so much anger and hate in me. i get invited to a football game..great sure ill go. now my friend is bringing a girl...good great for him. go get yours...but im not getting stuck as the third wheel. i backed out and now im not going to the game becasue of this. seeing couples or anything remotely close to that just makes me sick...my eyes turn red, my head hurts, i just get overwhelmed with anger...todays a day where i feel like breaking something...or someone, which ever comes first... just a bad day
GrayClouds Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 been ok for a while...thoughts of my ex arent completely consuming my life. i still think about her though. but for some reason today...i dont know what it is, but i have so much anger and hate in me. i get invited to a football game..great sure ill go. now my friend is bringing a girl...good great for him. go get yours...but im not getting stuck as the third wheel. i backed out and now im not going to the game becasue of this. seeing couples or anything remotely close to that just makes me sick...my eyes turn red, my head hurts, i just get overwhelmed with anger...todays a day where i feel like breaking something...or someone, which ever comes first... just a bad day Yes but it sounds more good day then bad, that progress. Though the bads have a particular kick when they do sneak up. It pisses me off too becouse I feel like "hay, I was doing welll, so why the h#ll does this have to show up?" So it kind of magnifies the bad day more the it should.
cdt76 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Today is particularly bad for me as well. Co-worker is throwing a halloween party. I can't go because my ex hooked up with another co-worker and they are going. My circle of life is so small right now I can count it on one finger. I feel your pain.
Author brock9911 Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 i cant necessarily say my circle of life is small, but my circle of people i can trust is. not only do i deal with the heartache of my ex, but my friends are so self absorbed and inconsiderate. all i am to people is a crutch, ATM, or a f*cking ride around town. i get invited to sh*t last minute becasue people cant find rides to where ever they want to go. they ask to borrow money, and i wind up getting burned in the long run. i make plans with friends and they get changed or moved around with out even asking...just so much i can handle. my boss is a prick who still hasnt changed over my medical plan back to what it was. so i still cant afford my meds. my mood swings and depression and anxiety have been off the charts...i seriously feel like strangling someone
cdt76 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 i cant necessarily say my circle of life is small, but my circle of people i can trust is. not only do i deal with the heartache of my ex, but my friends are so self absorbed and inconsiderate. all i am to people is a crutch, ATM, or a f*cking ride around town. i get invited to sh*t last minute becasue people cant find rides to where ever they want to go. they ask to borrow money, and i wind up getting burned in the long run. i make plans with friends and they get changed or moved around with out even asking...just so much i can handle. my boss is a prick who still hasnt changed over my medical plan back to what it was. so i still cant afford my meds. my mood swings and depression and anxiety have been off the charts...i seriously feel like strangling someone You and I need to go out for a beer and I'm buying! Of course alcohol and our meds don't mix but what the hell, we only live once! I can't so much as look at co-workers who hang out with them and my body starts to shake with rage. Everyone says fighting him will not solve anything (girlfriend cheated on me with a co-worker and now they are together). So far, I've listened to them. You have to listen to that feeling in your stomach and do the right thing too. It's the most difficult thing in the world to do and somedays it eats you alive and you cry and yell and throw stuff. You go to bed early because you'd rather sleep than be alone. Stop being used by your "friends". It absolutely sucks being alone and without a trusted social circle but do it for yourself. You deserve better. You are on here because you are better than that.
Author brock9911 Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 i here ya on that....if you were closer a beer would be appropriate, but for now ill just cheers to the idea...i fully lashed out on my friends and boss yesterday because of the crap i was feeling... i think i frighten my friends when i do so, but f*ck em, if they want to treat people like sh*t than expect a reaction. now im getting sorries and pitty...i dont want that either, i just want to not be treated like an ass. as for my boss, he yelled at me for having an attitude...i told him you gave me benefits years ago as a raise, because of the economy i havent gotten nor have i asked for a raise in about 2 years...now you change my medical coverage so i cant even afford my meds....i said change my f*cking plan or i quit...than i walked out on him.
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