mcneilcs Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 here goes...was with ex for 4yrs, broke up 3 months ago the relationship got to comfortable, we still friends but i'm finding it hard as my feelings haven't gone away, i think his feelings have gone although i know he still cares i explained to him i wanted closure by telling me we'd never get back together his response i can't say we'll never get back together who knows? never say never lets just see what happens, which is confusing and also gets my hopes up he doesn't go out so i know he really not looking for anyone else he told me, i've explained to him how i feel and he says he can't give me what i want just now?, so now i've come to the decision that i have to cut contact with him as he is too nice a guy and i feel i need to hate him for a while for all the hurt it's causing me. so even though we been broken up 2months would NC make a difference? I'm not sure but i've been through break-ups in past and something is telling me not to give up hope on him. Help any advice please.
adamt Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 You won't be able to heal and move on if you still have feelings and remain in contact. He knows how you feel, but you are not giving him any chance to miss oyu because you are still in contact. I am moving on after strict 4 months of NC and i may have found someone else.(fingers crossed) NC is there for you to move on and not with the intent to get him back. But you have to want to let go and move on for NC to work. He may or may not come back, but by then you might have moved on. you need to lose any false hope of him coming back first. you are only fooling yourself otherwise
muse08 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 here goes...was with ex for 4yrs, broke up 3 months ago the relationship got to comfortable, we still friends but i'm finding it hard as my feelings haven't gone away, i think his feelings have gone although i know he still cares i explained to him i wanted closure by telling me we'd never get back together his response i can't say we'll never get back together who knows? never say never lets just see what happens, which is confusing and also gets my hopes up he doesn't go out so i know he really not looking for anyone else he told me, i've explained to him how i feel and he says he can't give me what i want just now?, so now i've come to the decision that i have to cut contact with him as he is too nice a guy and i feel i need to hate him for a while for all the hurt it's causing me. so even though we been broken up 2months would NC make a difference? I'm not sure but i've been through break-ups in past and something is telling me not to give up hope on him. Help any advice please. i truly understand where you're coming from. know that this too will pass ...with time and serious effort. when he said that he can't give you what you want, that immediately struck me as him being either passive or sarcastic...gentleman-like...not really. not sure of the details, but when someone admits they can't give you what you want or deserve and they do nothing to improve the situation...IMO,you have no other choice but to let them go. what are you gonna do, nag all day everyday? no...that would only make the both of you miserable. i say do him a favor and do yourself justice by letting him go in your mind.if he wants to come back,and he may, then go from there. but until then please know that everyone deserves to be happy in a relationship.if you've told your S.O. what you want/need several times and they do nothing or are unable to do nothing,i think it's only fair to let them go... i wish the best for you!
Author mcneilcs Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 so i met up with ex last night and told him i couldn't see him anymore, he's said ok i'll come and see you., so i'm like you don't get it i can't see you at all, he finally got it and he asks if he could still call me. I basically told him that it hurts to much because he can't even tell me we'd never get back together, he giving me hope, he says he can't not speak to me. So i'm putting NC to the test for me to move on because he still holding me back. Why can't he just tell me we'll never get back together?, i told him i'd rather he be honest with me and not to worry about hurting my feelings because he alreeady done that. i said if he could tell me that then eventually we could be friends because i know there no hope but he can't.
Eisenhower Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I've been where you are, and I think you're making the right decision to go NC. My ex-girlfriend would absolutely not commit to giving us another try when her life became more stable (long story), but neither would she say she didn't want to be with me. She'd said "I can't say we won't be together, I can't say we will - I don't know." So I spent 7 months basically waiting for a chance to start over only to find out recently that she's been out a couple times with someone else. At that point, I told her she was out of my life and have been NC since. The other person may really be confused, but the bottom line is they're also being selfish - they want from you exactly what they want, and nothing more. Basically, they're putting you on the bench and keeping you in reserve. It's not fair, and they may not be doing it to hurt you, but that's all they're doing. I know exactly how you feel - you want more than he does and you look for hope in every little sign or word. It's a sad way to live and I applaud you for cutting him off. As has been said, NC will either make him realize what he's lost or it will allow you to move on - either way is fine - living on a string for someone is not. Good luck. I know it hurts, but as far as I'm concerned, NC is less painful that unrequited love. Take care, Eisenhower
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