BlueHarvest Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Been on POF.com for a few months now. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect on ANY website to be bombarded with emails... But I've gotten a few girls in the last month to respond to my messages and strike up some email conversations with them. Take for instance these examples....Just for reference I'm 25. Girl #1: (Age 21) Email conversations go well, she openly gives me her number to text her. Lots of texting. Lots of "Hey babe" and (IMO) terms of endearment, though I've been told women use babe very "casually". Actually met for coffee at starbucks! Chatted in person, gave a hug, and made plans to watch a movie the following day. Next day she flaked. Plans got postponed. She seems pretty interested in me so I do some texting to her. Texting from her stops and I recieve a response of "I don't feel like talking anymore. TTYL Bye" Consensus: Lost interest/Flaked out for no apparent reason. Girl #2: (Age 28) Alot more interesting and solid basis then girl #1. Intelligent, cute, share alot of mutual interests. Email conversations go well. Joke around, make plans to meet at a sports bar to watch a Hockey Game. She doesn't show up. Emailed her that I missed her. She claims she got called into work. Email conversations go on for a little longer then she clams up. No responses to emails at all. Consensus: Another Flake. Girl #3: (Age 21) At first glance we seem like we aren't going to really mesh. Just kind of talk. But she asks me for my number so we can text. Texting/Calling is alot more laid back. Conversations are a little off-key. (i.e. Divulging information about her friends, parents, and her own sex life off the bat) but more or less more laid back then usual. Still chatting with this girl but we'll see how long that lasts. I guess my general opinion is that POF.com unfortunately has alot of wishy-washy types. At least that's been my experience so far. Really sucks.
thatguy85 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 It's free, and though I am not signed up on POF, You are already having more success than some of my friends, who have been on POF for a long time now. I do have another friend who has had a ton of success with it. I'd stick with it.
northstar1 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I tried POF in the past and found it pretty low quality. Since it's free, the quality on there always seemed lacking and I would have to wade through a lot of really bad profiles and flaky girls. That was a few years ago, maybe it has changed. I had a lot more success and less frustration with the paid site I used.
Javelin Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I used eHarmony because of all the hype and their commercial caught my eye. I don't know if I was extremely lucky or what, but I've met the woman of my dreams on the first try and it's mutual on her end as well.. When we're watching TV together and one of their commercials come on, we laugh and smile at one another..
northstar1 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I used eHarmony because of all the hype and their commercial caught my eye. I don't know if I was extremely lucky or what, but I've met the woman of my dreams on the first try and it's mutual on her end as well.. When we're watching TV together and one of their commercials come on, we laugh and smile at one another.. Same here.
OpenGL Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 In the first 2 cases the girl found a better option. In the 3rd case she is likely to find a better option then flake.
conehead Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I used eHarmony because of all the hype and their commercial caught my eye. I don't know if I was extremely lucky or what, but I've met the woman of my dreams on the first try and it's mutual on her end as well.. When we're watching TV together and one of their commercials come on, we laugh and smile at one another.. I know that feeling of watching the commercials on TV. I was like that too with a bf I met off eharmony. Sadly we broke up, but I know that feeling....
bac Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 It happens to me very often as well. Some guys are so excited to meet me in emails and they are writing daily with enthusiasm. But when I say them, let me know when you are available for the first meeting, they are vanish into thin air righr away and forever. I have no idea why they want to waste thier time emailing, if they have no real intention to meet.
BobSacamento Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I will admit the talent on POF is pretty subpar. It's still fun though. Having patience and not appearing desperate seems to be key. You sound like you lack both in my opinion. For example, with the the first one, I would have told her I would call her rather than set something up right on the spot. Setting something up for the very next day just appears clingy to me.
TheLoneSock Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Been on POF.com for a few months now. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect on ANY website to be bombarded with emails... But I've gotten a few girls in the last month to respond to my messages and strike up some email conversations with them. Take for instance these examples....Just for reference I'm 25. Girl #1: (Age 21) Email conversations go well, she openly gives me her number to text her. Lots of texting. Lots of "Hey babe" and (IMO) terms of endearment, though I've been told women use babe very "casually". Actually met for coffee at starbucks! Chatted in person, gave a hug, and made plans to watch a movie the following day. Next day she flaked. Plans got postponed. She seems pretty interested in me so I do some texting to her. Texting from her stops and I recieve a response of "I don't feel like talking anymore. TTYL Bye" Consensus: Lost interest/Flaked out for no apparent reason. You were too nice. She's probably a ditz anyway, so no big deal. Girl #2: (Age 28) Alot more interesting and solid basis then girl #1. Intelligent, cute, share alot of mutual interests. Email conversations go well. Joke around, make plans to meet at a sports bar to watch a Hockey Game. She doesn't show up. Emailed her that I missed her. She claims she got called into work. Email conversations go on for a little longer then she clams up. No responses to emails at all. Consensus: Another Flake. You were too nice, she lost interest. Girl #3: (Age 21) At first glance we seem like we aren't going to really mesh. Just kind of talk. But she asks me for my number so we can text. Texting/Calling is alot more laid back. Conversations are a little off-key. (i.e. Divulging information about her friends, parents, and her own sex life off the bat) but more or less more laid back then usual. Still chatting with this girl but we'll see how long that lasts. Take it easy with this one. Girls that openly talk about their sex life right off the bat are rarely keepers. I guess my general opinion is that POF.com unfortunately has alot of wishy-washy types. At least that's been my experience so far. Really sucks. It's probably like that with most dating sites. Meeting girls in person is 10x better. My .02 cents.
BookerT Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 You were too nice. My .02 cents. I'm not so sure it's just a matter of him being "too nice", I think he's doing something that's making the girls lose interest, because judging from this and his previous thread the common denominator is him and women are consistently losing interest in him.
TheLoneSock Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I'm not so sure it's just a matter of him being "too nice", I think he's doing something that's making the girls lose interest, because judging from this and his previous thread the common denominator is him and women are consistently losing interest in him. Him being 'too nice' is a general idea. It's meant to include him doing all the things nice guys do, it's more than just behaving kindly towards her. I should have elaborated.
BobSacamento Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Apparently being too nice is showing up to dates and asking for second dates.
BookerT Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Him being 'too nice' is a general idea. It's meant to include him doing all the things nice guys do, it's more than just behaving kindly towards her. I should have elaborated. There's nothing wrong with being kind. There's problems with being needy, contacting too much, not being confident enough, or maybe being possessive. Either way, unless the OP gives more details about how he's interacting with the girls it doesn't give the bigger picture. There's something creating the loss of interest if there's a common denominator.
TheLoneSock Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 There's nothing wrong with being kind. That's exactly my point. If he were just being kind, thats good, but I have a feeling it didn't stop there. There's problems with being needy, contacting too much, not being confident enough, or maybe being possessive. Either way, unless the OP gives more details about how he's interacting with the girls it doesn't give the bigger picture. Like him telling girl #2 that he missed her. Exactly my point. There's something creating the loss of interest if there's a common denominator. That something is, he's either making himself too available, being too clingy, or being too nice. That is what is causing them to lose attraction so early. This stuff applies in all situations, wether he met these girls online or in person. It's him.
Author BlueHarvest Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 ALOT of assumptions here based off of nothing or your own experience. Instead of assuming how about ASK me a question? NO I was NOT needed with the first two girls. Girl #1 was the one pushing for the coffee date. A barely called her. She texted me all the time. I FINALLY started texting her back and then she just started acting wierd, I called her out on her behavior (which I guess I shouldn't have) but it fell apart after that. No big deal, I didn't expect anything serious to happen on my first meeting with someone from POF. 2nd Girl I did not say "I miss you" I said "I missed ya" as in 'what happened, I went to the sports bar and you stood me up like a bitch' except I didn't say that. I just said to her literally "Hey, went to the <sports bar> and missed ya." Granted I had been doing other things that evening and I showed up rather late then I expected to get there. But she stated she went there to watch a hockey game. And I knew the time the game started and I only arrived there 30 minutes afterwards. I thought I had *literally* missed her. (As in maybe arrived too late). Only later did I find out that she hadn't shown up, when she responded to me email. As for the situations in meeting people. I explicitly make it a rule to never meet someone too soon online. Girls get real nervous when guys ask to meet them fast. With the first girl it was nearly 2 weeks before we met. With the second one it was supposed to be about a week and a half. With this 3rd girl, its been about 2 weeks and we are probably gonna meet later this week. Less assumptions please. I do my best to be civil on here, but it really pisses me off when people make blind assumptions based off of their own biased viewpoints.
BookerT Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 ALOT of assumptions here based off of nothing or your own experience. Instead of assuming how about ASK me a question? NO I was NOT needed with the first two girls. Girl #1 was the one pushing for the coffee date. A barely called her. She texted me all the time. I FINALLY started texting her back and then she just started acting wierd, I called her out on her behavior (which I guess I shouldn't have) but it fell apart after that. No big deal, I didn't expect anything serious to happen on my first meeting with someone from POF. 2nd Girl I did not say "I miss you" I said "I missed ya" as in 'what happened, I went to the sports bar and you stood me up like a bitch' except I didn't say that. I just said to her literally "Hey, went to the <sports bar> and missed ya." Granted I had been doing other things that evening and I showed up rather late then I expected to get there. But she stated she went there to watch a hockey game. And I knew the time the game started and I only arrived there 30 minutes afterwards. I thought I had *literally* missed her. (As in maybe arrived too late). Only later did I find out that she hadn't shown up, when she responded to me email. As for the situations in meeting people. I explicitly make it a rule to never meet someone too soon online. Girls get real nervous when guys ask to meet them fast. With the first girl it was nearly 2 weeks before we met. With the second one it was supposed to be about a week and a half. With this 3rd girl, its been about 2 weeks and we are probably gonna meet later this week. Less assumptions please. I do my best to be civil on here, but it really pisses me off when people make blind assumptions based off of their own biased viewpoints. Maybe you get pissed off too easily. Maybe the girls can sense that too. Seems like when things don't go your way you freak out? That's consistent in all your posts and threads. Women can sense that. It's not a biased viewpoint. Just trying to help buddy. I mean I assume you started the thread so people could figure out what's wrong with your situation.
Author BlueHarvest Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) Maybe you get pissed off too easily. Maybe the girls can sense that too. Seems like when things don't go your way you freak out? That's consistent in all your posts and threads. Women can sense that. It's not a biased viewpoint. Just trying to help buddy. I mean I assume you started the thread so people could figure out what's wrong with your situation. Thanks Dr. Freud. What would I ever do without you? You can read me like a book can't you? Thanks Buddy. I'm actually quite nice. Its the "I'm online and can immediately tell that I know more about you then you yourself do" attitude (Read: YOU) that pisses me off. You didn't read a word I said did you? I stated that blind assumptions are what get me heated, and yet you retort with yet another blind assumption. So for the mental health of myself, and others, I shall enlighten you to what the defintion of assume is. Main Entry: as·sume Pronunciation: \ə-ˈsüm\ Function: transitive verb Inflected Form(s): as·sumed; as·sum·ing Etymology: Middle English, from Latin assumere, from ad- + sumere to take — more at consume Date: 15th century 1 a : to take up or in : receive b : to take into partnership, employment, or use 2 a : to take to or upon oneself : undertake <assume responsibility> b : put on, don c : to place oneself in <assume a position> 3 : seize, usurp <assume control> 4 : to pretend to have or be : feign <assumed an air of confidence in spite of her dismay> 5 : to take as granted or true : suppose <I assume he'll be there> 6 : to take over (the debts of another) as one's own Please take note of the underlined passages. I mean I assume you started the thread so people could figure out what's wrong with your situation Oh, this is priceless. Where did I state I wanted people to figure out what was wrong with my situation. Where did I ask for your help? I stated my situation and left it open for interpetation. The main response I was hoping to get was other people's experience with POF.com or other online dating sites and their track record. Not for someone to think they can analyze me based off a few incongruent threads. Let me give you a piece of advice: If you want to give advice, you might want to do so without stepping on people's toes. When you do, don't act surprised when they get defensive because you assumed something wrongly about them. Edited October 21, 2009 by BlueHarvest
Palmer253 Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Don't get too upset BlueHarvest, that was pretty much my experience with POF. Well I used POF and OkCupid for about a year. Probably had back and forth conversation with at least 25-30 girls and met close to 10 of them. There are a lot of flakes, bitches, weirdos you name it pretty much. Even the ones I met and saw on more then 1 occassion I pretty much knew their was something wrong with them after meetin them for 5 minutes. The fact is though a lot of girls will flake on you because they get a lot of messages from a lot of guys, some of which are what I guess you could call "hunks" so the girls flake out on the would be nice guys to go get treated like sh*t from the abercrombie model. Don't trip, it's there loss. Well I put a lot of time and energy in to online dating and I think I finally have met what I was looking for. It's possible dude, you just have to be persistent and have thick skin.
BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Let me give you a piece of advice: If you want to give advice, you might want to do so without stepping on people's toes. When you do, don't act surprised when they get defensive because you assumed something wrongly about them. Don't get defensive so easily. Women don't like that in a man. Nah just kidding, chill dude.
Sith Apprentice Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 POF is the cess pool of the online dating world. It's only good for heifers, booger bears, and attention whores.
Author BlueHarvest Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Don't get defensive so easily. Women don't like that in a man. Nah just kidding, chill dude. Whatever. POF is the cess pool of the online dating world. It's only good for heifers, booger bears, and attention whores. While I might agree with the generic mediocrity of the sight, I wouldn't call the women (or men) "heifers, booger bears (wtf is this?) or attention whores.". @ Palmer23, Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not really depressed about it...more like exasperated. I just wanna give up on the crap sometimes and not worry about it, but then when I do...I DO get depressed. It's so wierd....when I was with my old girlfriend I actually got more attention from women. Now that I broke up with her, I get less....
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I met my boyfriend on OkCupid (similar to POF). We've been together for a year and a half and honestly, I've never been with someone who was so perfect for me. I'm assuming my experience isn't typical though... It should also be noted that although we had a high match percentage (88% compatible or something like that), we actually initially met for a no-strings-attached hookup. Not saying that's necessarily the way to begin a relationship, just saying you never know!
carhill Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 IMO, considering the apparent reason for being on an online dating site, if there is rapport, there is no reason not to meet in person early-on, just for a casual coffee or lunch. No strings, no expectations; essentially, breaking the cycle of the day to share yourself for an hour with someone whom you seem to get along with. I met some really great ladies on the predecessors of 'those free sites' many years ago. Married one of them. It didn't work out long-term, but that in no way invalidates the process or the people. I'd have no problem doing it again. My advice would be to keep expectations low and just be and share yourself. Enjoy. Life's short
Recommended Posts