Author climbergirl Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Wow!, I totally agree with you. This thread is ridiculous. OP, are you sure there is not more to this than you are letting on? Is there a history of disrespect in your relationship or was it just this one incident? Here is the crux of this situation. What I remember from that night is that we had one of the worst fights we had ever had. That is what resonated with me. It was absolutely horrible. The incident with the woman and whatever was largely forgotten and was rarely brought up in the passed two years. If anything about it was brought up it was about the fight and what transpired. Even after he told me, I got mad initially but let it go. But a few days ago we were in a restaurant he's joking about it. I find nothing funny about that night. I want to forget what happened that night, and he seems intent on rubbing salt on the wound. Yes, I am angry that he told me I was imagining things and he had "no idea who I am talking about" two years ago and the culmination of it was what happened back at the room. And now he tells me?? I feel like he wants to hurt me. I'm not one for lying, but wouldn't it have been better to not tell me at all then to bring it up again?
NSW768 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 girls never forget for some reason. if u cant let it go then i guess its over
2sunny Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 why let something go when his actions show the spirit of the person? his nature shows that he's willing to toss her feelings aside so that he can get out of trouble. then allow her to sit on these ill feelings for two years. that, to me, is just unforgivable.
RedDevil66 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Wow!, I totally agree with you. This thread is ridiculous. OP, are you sure there is not more to this than you are letting on? Is there a history of disrespect in your relationship or was it just this one incident? I agree also! This is just silly!
RedDevil66 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 why let something go when his actions show the spirit of the person? his nature shows that he's willing to toss her feelings aside so that he can get out of trouble. then allow her to sit on these ill feelings for two years. that, to me, is just unforgivable. toss her feelings aside! You do not get men at all! He was not wanting to hear her b*tch about how he was looking at another woman, Men don't think as deep and neurotic as women, so he looked and then it was all over.
Author climbergirl Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 My guess, RedDevil, is that you haven't been in a relationship long enough to know someone. So I sympathize with your ignorance. In addition, you clearly didn't read all of my posts where I stated that it wasn't about the minutiae of it but the big picture--the lie and the fight afterwards and him bringing it up two years later. The thing is that he understands why I would be upset, but isn't saying I am without fault.
RedDevil66 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) My guess, RedDevil, is that you haven't been in a relationship long enough to know someone. So I sympathize with your ignorance. In addition, you clearly didn't read all of my posts where I stated that it wasn't about the minutiae of it but the big picture--the lie and the fight afterwards and him bringing it up two years later. The thing is that he understands why I would be upset, but isn't saying I am without fault. You guess wrong....I'm 43 and have been in 3 lonh term relationships, one lasting 11 yrs. trust me sweetheart, I know what Im talking about! Did you post this to get others to agree with you or did you want to hear the truth. I was trying to ease your mind and you insult me? Maybe til not I that is ignorant Edited October 24, 2009 by RedDevil66
kimmi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 For real 2YEARS LATER ??? And I get told I hold onto crap from my past for to long... My My, Grow up this is crazy, So what if he looked, so what if they were winking ? How does that effect you now? 2 years later and it is over lady's looking at your man... Wow I suggest going out and maybe sitting at a coffee shop and watch people the way that they are... EVERYONE LOOKS AT OTHERS PART OF BEING HUMAN...
silverfish Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 For real 2YEARS LATER ??? And I get told I hold onto crap from my past for to long... My My, Grow up this is crazy, So what if he looked, so what if they were winking ? How does that effect you now? 2 years later and it is over lady's looking at your man... Wow I suggest going out and maybe sitting at a coffee shop and watch people the way that they are... EVERYONE LOOKS AT OTHERS PART OF BEING HUMAN... I get what you were saying about the consequence of the incident rather than the incident itself. Plenty of fights between couples start out from a trivial thing, and degenerate into something more serious. I can remember one argument with my ex - now referred to as 'shirt-gate' - I'll spare you the details. We went to relationship counselling and spent time unravelling this and other seemingly trivial incidents, which led on to bigger arguments. It was interesting, and taught me how to deal with conflict better, even though we ended up seperating. Its helped me a lot in life generally though, so whatever happens it's worth it. Maybe you & your bf should give it a go, it might help you make up your mind as to what to do. You probably have a lot of repressed anger towards him, and you need to sort it out.
kimmi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I do not want anything to do with my ex. Damage is done. I will not talk or see him again ... And most of it was small things and after almost 8 years of putting up with it I decided that it is not worth the time anymore. I bugged him for a few years to do it and always came back with I do not think we have a problem in the relationship ... LOL THAT WAS THE PROBLEM HE NEVER THINKS LOL
New_Life08 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I have caught my bf doing the same, and when i say something, he starts smiling because he knows he's caught. LOL. But, I know what you mean about the lingering stares that go beyond just checking someone out. It is like they are oblivious to anything else around them....and yes, it's disturbing. As for the situation in Vegas, that woman was probably a prostitute or a common wench to flirt with your guy while you are sitting right there. Just let me say, most men I've known are like little boys. They looove attention. They will bend over backwards for the simplest little ego boost. He didn't tell you what she was doing because he didn't want you to ruin his Tarzan moment with a cat fight. The thing is, you missed your chance to rectify his lie back when it happened. I have done this too because I didn't want to start a drama and ruin the night. THE GOOD NEWS IS you now know he's capable of lying to get out of trouble. Honestly, if this is the worst thing he's done, you are fortunate. The thing is, you need to let him know exactly how you feel about that sort of behavior and then let it go. Try not to demand answers that just are not there. If you get into this scenario again, you might want to ask him what exactly is so alluring that he would disrespect you this way...
LostInLA Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 It seems like some people are missing the point here. If it WAS an insignificant moment, why would the OP's bf bring it up 2 years later? Seems like she wanted to let it go but he wants to re-hash the wound? If her bf wanted to lie and cover his ass to not get in trouble, he certainly would not be bringing up that moment years later. Seems to me there is more going on underneath and that this is some kind of passive-aggressive behavior on his part.
silverfish Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 It seems like some people are missing the point here. If it WAS an insignificant moment, why would the OP's bf bring it up 2 years later? Seems like she wanted to let it go but he wants to re-hash the wound? If her bf wanted to lie and cover his ass to not get in trouble, he certainly would not be bringing up that moment years later. Seems to me there is more going on underneath and that this is some kind of passive-aggressive behavior on his part. Yep I agree. Been there done the whole anger thing. OP my last post was meant for you, I don't think you're being dramatic about this at all...just something is niggling away at you about your b/f, and you're trying to get to the bottom of it. My point was that instead of getting mad with him, try and take it apart and put it back together again logically. try and get to the point of what it is he does that is bothering you, and what it is you want him to hear...or change It doesnt matter really what caused the disagreement, but the disgreement needs to be resolved, and simply saying, as your b/f seems to be doing is that there 'is no problem' or to 'stop acting like a mental' just isnt good enough. My guess is it's all an act on his part to keep things how he wants them, and about time you set some boundaries. Myself now, at the age I am and going on my past experience, I would walk out on a man for treating me like that in a restaurant, simply because I deserve better. I could also play that game with other men who look at me if I so chose, but i don't because at the very least, it's bad manners.
mem11363 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I would tell him - everyone gets a single get out of jail free card. That was yours. Next time there is a clear case of you looking left and swearing you are looking right - I am gone - gone gone... You bring up some good points. The thing is is that night I felt so insignificant to him. I felt like he was conveying a message that I wasn't important to him. And to hear for two years that I was making stuff up and he had no idea what I was talking about?? He finally confessed about a month ago. I was certainly mad at first, but let it go. Until last night. He made a reference to how maybe someone was 'winking' at him at the restaurant we were at. I was hurt enough by the initial situation without him making a joke. Your point #2 made me think, but I know that he knows I love him and would never cheat on him.
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