cdt76 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 So, I'm back in the absolutely crazy world of dating after thinking I found "the one". I'm 38, have a great job, two kids, funny, my own house and car...a respectable person. So where in the world do I meet women who are not liars, cheaters, game players, selfish and just plain old everyday CRAZY! WHY, ladies, do you lie to someone who has never lied to you? Why do you play games with someone who has never misled you or played with your emotions? WHY?? Today, I reached a point where I think it might just be better to be alone then to deal with all the BS women have thrown at me over the last 3 years. Any suggestions?
Ophelia Rue Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I am incredibly loyal, sweet, giving, and I like consider myself smart and pretty. I have never cheated on anyone...but I've been cheated on, dumped for trashy girls, and basically treated like crap in the past. You men like to say that we women don't go for "nice guys"...but it seems all the "nice guys" I go after only want bad girls, or their "craaazy" ex-girlfriends...you know, the old girlfriends they complain about and tell horror stories about throughout our whole relationship and end up leaving me for them in the end. So it's not just you, my friend.
carhill Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 So, OP, you're saying every one of the women you've pursued has fit the description you've offered up here? If yes, look at the single common denominator in that dynamic. Look right in the mirror and point the finger. That's where your answer resides
Author cdt76 Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 So, OP, you're saying every one of the women you've pursued has fit the description you've offered up here? If yes, look at the single common denominator in that dynamic. Look right in the mirror and point the finger. That's where your answer resides I wish it was something specific I could point to and say...that's it! I've had women, out of the blue, go religious on me, cheat on me for no reason with a good friend and co-worker, want to have my baby after dating 6 weeks, want to discuss our "relationship" after 2 dates, women online who are complete frauds-pictures, names fake everything. They weren't all blondes, or brunettes or tall or short. The girl who cheated on me was "normal" for 8 months before going completely crazy. I'm not the cause of all this, I'm the VICTIM!
carhill Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 You're the common denominator; the single commonality in all the dynamics you've described. Once you accept that, you can begin to work on you to change how your life experience affects you. As you change, some doors will close and and others will open. Your path will shift. Do you want that? Or do you want to be a victim?
BookerT Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I wish it was something specific I could point to and say...that's it! I've had women, out of the blue, go religious on me, cheat on me for no reason with a good friend and co-worker, want to have my baby after dating 6 weeks, want to discuss our "relationship" after 2 dates, women online who are complete frauds-pictures, names fake everything. They weren't all blondes, or brunettes or tall or short. The girl who cheated on me was "normal" for 8 months before going completely crazy. I'm not the cause of all this, I'm the VICTIM! That's because humans know how to use deception and manipulation. We can't read minds, and thus messed up individuals can hide their true nature till the other person is hooked. Men and women do it. Discussing the relationship after 2 dates is the least evil out of your list btw, at least the other person might be honest, even if too hasty.
boogieboy Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Where are you meeting these women, are they all online?
OpenGL Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 So where in the world do I meet women who are not liars, cheaters, game players, selfish and just plain old everyday CRAZY! Abroad in non-westernized countries.
Author cdt76 Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Where are you meeting these women, are they all online? Mostly online yes. My circle of friends is small as I just moved here 4 years ago, no family here either. The few friends I do have are married. So tell me genius where am I supposed to look?
carhill Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 The few friends I do have are married. So tell me genius where am I supposed to look? Do you always answer your own questions?
boogieboy Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Mostly online yes. My circle of friends is small as I just moved here 4 years ago, no family here either. The few friends I do have are married. So tell me genius where am I supposed to look? Well if the personals arent working, then try clubs, bars, bookstores, and the supermarket. Even busy shopping areas where theres plenty of women walking around. You couldnt think of this yourself? Problem is, you have to step up your game to meet people in person. You think you have the cohones to cold approach women on the street?
Avarage Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 So tell me genius where am I supposed to look? It might also help if you lost that type of attitude. Boogieboy posted with just a simple question so no need to get snippy. I could've understood if that was directed more at carhill since no one likes to entertain the thought that they’re the problem. Anyways, Boogieboy's question also does make sense. I find that it's easier to get a read on people when in person rather than online, that's just me though. At least you'll avoid the people who blatantly lie about their appearance.
boogieboy Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Anyways, Boogieboy's question also does make sense. I find that it's easier to get a read on people when in person rather than online, that's just me though. At least you'll avoid the people who blatantly lie about their appearance. And you'll see whos crazy from the first meeting in person.
CaliGuy Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 They lie because they are insecure. They lie because they fear rejection. They lie because they fear failure. They lie because they are desperate. ...and they lie because they can. Confident, mature, self-assured men (and women) can easily pick out liars and losers and will avoid them like the plague.
football_fan Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 you are feeling the exact same way i am about guys! im totally dumb-founded as to why ppl are like this! ~~~~~~~~~~ I'm back in the absolutely crazy world of dating
bac Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 According to psichiatry, there are many mechanisms of defense in human brain which are normal inconscious mechanisms to prevent anxiety. In other words, they prevent people from being crazy. As for lying, it is called in psychiatry as mechanisms of defense 'denial' and 'distortion'.
sally4sara Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 So, I'm back in the absolutely crazy world of dating after thinking I found "the one". I'm 38, have a great job, two kids, funny, my own house and car...a respectable person. So where in the world do I meet women who are not liars, cheaters, game players, selfish and just plain old everyday CRAZY! WHY, ladies, do you lie to someone who has never lied to you? Why do you play games with someone who has never misled you or played with your emotions? WHY?? Today, I reached a point where I think it might just be better to be alone then to deal with all the BS women have thrown at me over the last 3 years. Any suggestions? I think many people go through this phase of blaming the anyone of the same gender as their ex, for the behaviors of one or an extremely tiny fraction of all the people in existence. Every friend I watch go through a break up seemed to deal with this. As well a couple guys I tried to date that had, prior to dating me, gone through a recent and nasty relationship breakup, had to be dropped because they were still out for blood. My female friends and I have another "rule of three" we light-heartedly apply to men like yourself: "Some men may need to take the hurt one woman gives them, out on the next three women they date before they get it out of their system, but it doesn't have to be me." What I'm trying to say is, till you're calmed down enough to see the female gender as just more people that are not you, you probably are better off alone than with any of us. Good luck!
Clep Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I have dated many a liar in my past. I don't think it has to do with being a man or a woman. Lying is not gender related. Lying is lots of other things, like an inability to admit to fault, fear of judgement, poor self worth, lack of personal accountability, selfishness etc, etc. If you are able to recognize that traits that make up the person listed above and the traits that don't, life will look much different in the dating world. My friends call it too picky.... I call it preventative maintenance.
2sure Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Back before I remarried, I was dating quite a lot. I became so exhausted from dating an interesting man ..say, for 3 months or so and then finding out he was a liar. At first, I just wrote it all off as lies to impress, but then noted that it was just BS and who needs it?
boldjack Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Dishonesty is not gender-specific. To say it is, is Sexist.
alphamale Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Any suggestions? yea you should read my guide to keeping women around. the link should be below this:
Author cdt76 Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 I have dated many a liar in my past. I don't think it has to do with being a man or a woman. Lying is not gender related. Lying is lots of other things, like an inability to admit to fault, fear of judgement, poor self worth, lack of personal accountability, selfishness etc, etc. If you are able to recognize that traits that make up the person listed above and the traits that don't, life will look much different in the dating world. My friends call it too picky.... I call it preventative maintenance. The rough part is that I've only come to see that because of my inexperience in the dating world I have not built any walls of defense around my heart as other people have, who have dated a lot when they were younger. I did not have the mistrust built into my system to spot the insecure and untruthful people in the world. I simply trusted everyone. I got caught up in a world of "I'd never do that to someone, so they'd never do that to me". WRONG. I'd like to be too picky. Unfortunately, a previous post has it dead on....I need to be alone for a long while before the dust settles and I can just live my life.
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