TwilightSky Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 So, I am very, very shy around girls. I've said this elsewhere on the forum. I think my shyness makes women uncomfortable. For instance, I went to subway about a week ago, this dark-haired girl (attractive) automatically started chatting with me, calling me "hun" etc. First time I encountered her. Second time I saw her was yesteraday, I was walking back with some power equipment (she works in the subway in walmart where I work), and she crossed her arms as she walked past. I know what that means, she was on the defensive for some reason. Maybe that is over-analyzing. Maybe I should have just said "hi." Are there any mental trips to help overcome the shyness? I think I am slightly improving, as my most recent interaction with a girl had me asking questions/keeping the conversation going, etc. I am hoping this will improve with the right advice.
honeypear Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 That's tough I'm a tad shy myself around new people. I know it sounds silly for me I smile alot, and will say "hi". Are you someone that needs to warm up to be before you can open up? Take care
carhill Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 she crossed her arms as she walked past. I know what that means, she was on the defensive for some reason. Maybe her nipples were erect from seeing you and she was embarrassed Meeting people is a numbers game. Agonizing over each one will ensure you many years of blissful solitude
Author TwilightSky Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Maybe her nipples were erect from seeing you and she was embarrassed Meeting people is a numbers game. Agonizing over each one will ensure you many years of blissful solitude Haha, maybe that's it Seriously though, I just don't get what I did to put her on the defensive. I'm not saying I am especially interested in her (she's attractive, but that's all I know about her), I'd just like to know what I did, so I could avoid that next time. And honeypear, yeah it takes me a bit to warm up to a person. Wish I could change that a little.
honeypear Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Again it is the same thing with me. I have been told by many people after they have gotten to know me, they thought I was a cold and distant person. We laugh about it now. Just keep trying and don't over analyze everyone's reactions. I never thought about the being cold..could be true. If you see her again just say "hi" what is the worst thing that could happen she ignores you, or a good thing she says "hi" back. In the end be true to yourself.
carhill Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I'd just like to know what I did, so I could avoid that next time. With women, it's not about what you did, but rather how they feel, which may have (and likely does have) absolutely nothing to do with what you did. Confused? Try being married
Author TwilightSky Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Married? Haha, the lady who cut my hair today asked if I was married. I kinda sneered and said no. Anyway, maybe it wasn't what I did, but how I look? But then I don't get why she was so open to me to begin with if that were the case. And honeypear, I might just take your advice. It's good to hear that from someone who is like me.
Pedigree Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Good to see, I'm not the only who gets perceived as cold. TwilightSky, I agree, you should say hi to this girl. You've already had a previous encounter, she might've just forgotten about you. If you can't find it in yourself to say hi, I think a smile and a wave will also do. At least that's what I'd do.
Author TwilightSky Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 I think you are right, Pedigree. It is overcoming my shyness that is the problem though.
Pedigree Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Take your time getting away from your shyness. It's all one step at a time. If you're at uni, I suggest trying to be confident enough to contribute in discussions.
Author TwilightSky Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 (edited) Take your time getting away from your shyness. It's all one step at a time. If you're at uni, I suggest trying to be confident enough to contribute in discussions. That is a good suggestion. But, something happened today that made me doubt myself a little. This co-worker, asked me "if you had a chance would you do this manager?" it seemed like he was inferring most likely I wouldn't be able to get with her. She did profess to liking me/was flirting by touching/teasing etc, but that was a long time ago. Anyway, I guess it was the implicit generality he was pointing my way that annoyed me. Edited October 21, 2009 by TwilightSky
Zoff Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Shyness can easily be misinterpreted as coldness, especially by girls who are used to getting favourable reactions from guys. They can be just as fearful of rejection as we are and so many will just go elsewhere if they're not getting the expected reactions from someone they may be interested in.
Pedigree Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 But, something happened today that made me doubt myself a little. This co-worker, asked me "if you had a chance would you do this manager?" it seemed like he was inferring most likely I wouldn't be able to get with her. She did profess to liking me/was flirting by touching/teasing etc, but that was a long time ago. Anyway, I guess it was the implicit generality he was pointing my way that annoyed me. Come on, man, you honestly can't get shaken by that. That's just banter between two guys. Shyness can easily be misinterpreted as coldness, especially by girls who are used to getting favourable reactions from guys. But is it not also the case that they can get attracted to guys like these because they don't give what they consider to be the "normal" reaction?
Author TwilightSky Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 I suppose it didn't really matter that he phrased it that way. Although he could have left out the "if you had a chance" thing. I'll just try to put that segment of the conversation out of my head.
Mary3 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Maybe her nipples were erect from seeing you and she was embarrassed Meeting people is a numbers game. Agonizing over each one will ensure you many years of blissful solitude HOT ....................lol:bunny:
carhill Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Hey Mary, long time no lust If it's complicated, you know what to do.... OP, if you're still around, the best thing for your shyness is owning those power tools and just saying 'hi' and not worrying about body language or responses. Just be you. I find, if the woman is very beautiful, visualizing her on the toilet taking a dump gives me a chuckle and breaks my 'shyness'.
D-Lish Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I'd just like to know what I did, so I could avoid that next time. Well, you did something right to begin with- she was trying to get friendly with you initially. Perhaps she percieves your shyness as apathy or non-interest. Why not make the effort to say hello- or when you walk by, smile and wave.
Zoff Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 But is it not also the case that they can get attracted to guys like these because they don't give what they consider to be the "normal" reaction? Not very commonly. I think a girl being rejected hurts them more because they're still less likely to approach in the first place. If she thinks you're not interested, why would she want to bang her head against a brick wall.
Author TwilightSky Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Well, you did something right to begin with- she was trying to get friendly with you initially. Perhaps she percieves your shyness as apathy or non-interest. Why not make the effort to say hello- or when you walk by, smile and wave. Maybe she does think that. And..well, I'll admit my shyness with women is pretty extreme. I'm not sure if she would respond back if I said "hello"! That specific situation doesn't bother me over-much, it's just the general interactions with them that make me uneasy.
woopster638 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 dude....just say hi and talk abut anything that comes to mind and make sure u smile i used to be really shy and it kinder make it worst because my normal face is unfortunately always serious looking lol.....hence the reason some girls wouldn't approach me,the key is in the smile and positive attitude : ) i think the reason for my shyness was because my parents have always raised me over-protectively,is it the same with yours?
Recommended Posts