littlewhiterose Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Why do some guys/girls insist on testing their boundaries with their gf/bf? It's like one minute it's cool and then *bam*. In general, what's with the behavior? Is it a way of getting attention? Seeking control?
Author littlewhiterose Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 this was more of a general question. I mean, pretty much everything in dating is testing boundaries because the goal is to achieve a positive end result (right?) - If I smile,will they smile back, If I go in for a kiss, will they kiss back- But I'm curious about when it's done for the negative. Like, if someone's behavior changes like they start picking on you, teasing you, ignoring you, being disrespectful, isn't that "testing the boundaries"? what's the point of that?
boogieboy Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 this was more of a general question. I mean, pretty much everything in dating is testing boundaries because the goal is to achieve a positive end result (right?) - If I smile,will they smile back, If I go in for a kiss, will they kiss back- But I'm curious about when it's done for the negative. Like, if someone's behavior changes like they start picking on you, teasing you, ignoring you, being disrespectful, isn't that "testing the boundaries"? what's the point of that? if someone starts ignoring you, or being disrespectful, then they arent testing you, they just arent into you anymore. Guys pick on girls because they think its funny, its kind of a test, but not in the womans sense of a test.
Author littlewhiterose Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 what about if you're already in a relationship? I'm single right now but I can remember back to a few ex's who pulled a few stunts that seemed lke he was testing to see how much he could get away with. This was a little before he asked to go exclusive or said ILY... Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I the only goober on this one?
New Again Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Mostly I agree with boogieboy on this. But that kinda depends on what kind of "tests" you're referring to. Disrespect? With boogie on that one. It might help if you gave some specific examples, because I'm having a hard time grasping exactly what you're talking about, and it seems like other posters are as well. I think it's typical for guys to "test" women (and I'm sure vice versa) about things just to see how they'll react/what kind of person they are, or because they're looking for something else, such as reassurance that you're into him, validation, etc. For example, "forgetting" to call, checking out another woman in front of you, stuff like that - just to see how you react - well he'll judge your reaction and decide if you're super-emotional or whatever. I also think that if a woman reacts emotionally to a situation like that, guys tend to assume that they have more power in the relationship, and so don't have to do as much to keep the girl around. Or, maybe instead of saying "Hey, I had a really bad day, can we cuddle" or something like that, maybe the guy will be a douche and pick a fight with you - because he wants attention. These kinds of things give guys more information about the women they date - how they react when they're mad, etc.
boogieboy Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 what about if you're already in a relationship? I'm single right now but I can remember back to a few ex's who pulled a few stunts that seemed lke he was testing to see how much he could get away with. This was a little before he asked to go exclusive or said ILY... Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I the only goober on this one? It is sort of normal for immature guys. Plenty of guys do this without forethought of a test. BUT, fyou dont say anything, then you design your own misery. So just dont put up with it.
New Again Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 It is sort of normal for immature guys. Plenty of guys do this without forethought of a test. BUT, fyou dont say anything, then you design your own misery. So just dont put up with it. Pretty much.... But I think if you're at the stage where "I love yous" haven't been exchanged and/or you're not exclusive it's best to show him with actions you won't deal with that crap, rather than sitting him down and having a "talk" about it. But again, that approach kind of depends on what kind of "tests" and "boundary pushing" you're talking about....
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