coliflower Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Hi im a bit more of a lurker than a poster but i love this site and love reading the advice from everyone. At the minute its been almost 5 months since the break up of my 4 year relationship and what i hoped would be the love of my life. I hoping that i will start to feel better soon as at the moment i am finding life really hard and keep finding myself breaking down in tears and just sitting crying because i miss him so much. I am mostly no contact but see him around in work and that just hurts. Anway just wanted to get it out as today is a bad day and im crying as i write and just hope this feeling goes soon. C x x
Soul Bear Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 You need to KNOW you will start feeling better...hell, you already are! If you compare yourself to 4 months ago you will see you have come a long way. It REALLY DOES pass. Just focus on making yourself the BEST version of you can possibly be....the very best. What are you doing different in your life since he lost out on you? Tell me.
delajoonal Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Hi im a bit more of a lurker than a poster but i love this site and love reading the advice from everyone. At the minute its been almost 5 months since the break up of my 4 year relationship and what i hoped would be the love of my life. I hoping that i will start to feel better soon as at the moment i am finding life really hard and keep finding myself breaking down in tears and just sitting crying because i miss him so much. I am mostly no contact but see him around in work and that just hurts. Anway just wanted to get it out as today is a bad day and im crying as i write and just hope this feeling goes soon. C x x hi there.. i just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your pain. i know THAT isn't much solace..but knowing someone here understands..well that helps me a bit;) i was married for 14 years, H left me for an online EA, 8 months later, i am still a mess, although MORE angry tears now, but still sad ones too...my H is dragging me thru a horrific divorce...so that is where my anger comes from.. but i understand how incredibly sad and painful it is too have your love your future just ripped out from under you without any warning... you mentiond you are more of a lurker than a poster, i was too in the beginning...but i found that after i posted my story and more and more posts and responses and finding out just how many people here on LS really care, the more i posted and the more theraputic it became...even when i posted for answers on the OW/OM forum...i needed answers i knew i was nOT going to get from my H or his OW...and those women and men (OW/OM) were amazing! they were very kind and really helped me get thru another phase of this messy divorce and all the cruddy emotions that go with a separation/break-up/divorce... anyway...i hope your day finds you feeling better...keep posting your thoughts and venting your anger or sadness...you will find, once you start...the better it feels to get IT ALL out... take care and i hope this helped just a bit;)
adamt Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 (edited) i was in a 3 year relationship, ready to settle down and get a house together and we split up over 4 months ago. i was heart broken and devastated. I was in a right mess.I couldnt sleep or eat. I would break down sometimes.I know how you feel. I thought i would never find anyone better and i would have done anything to get her back. But i stayed in NC since the split, went cold turkey. started to climb way out of the big dark hole. I focused on myself and slowly i started to climb up that dark hole. I caught up with old friends, get myself ultra busy, socialised more, took up new hobbies and joined a gym and got into shape. started reading books. started to eat super healthy. as i got into shape my confidence started to come back. I started buying new clothes. I started to enjoy little things i never thought i would enjoy. i was getitng stronger and stronger. I was determined to move on and that i had to move on. life is just too short. I would not my ex keep me depressed then last week i decided i needed to meet someone else to finally move on. I was frustrated lack of opportunities in bars(i'm 38). so i joined at dating website recommended by someone at work who found his girlfriend on there. On this one you get a friend to write profile on you. Anyway after 1 day i had 15 women interested in me. After a week have 40(but non of my picks have responded!lol!) then on the 2nd day, i was about to log off and a stunning blonde blue eyed girl added me. Surely some mistake?was i on the wrong page? had she clicked me by mistake? apparently not! i returned a message. she responded. turns out we have similar interests. We have not yet dicussed meeting up but what ever the outcome it had helped me move on. I think about this new girl more than the ex. it has boosted my confidence. there are about 600 pages with 10 profiles on each page for london, yet she picked me out. All i would recommend is, work on yourself. forget about anyone else or meeting someone new. that will come with time as you heal. what you need to do is take up loads of hobbies,sports,get into shape. begin to be happy with a smile on your face(no one wants to go out with a sad looking person) try new hobbies. so when you talk to someone they think you are an interesting person. that will help to get them attracted to you. you will have lots to talk about. look happy and confident! look to expand your social circle and take up new opportunities to meet people. good luck! be determined to move on! You will get there. i am nearly there now. i hope this gives you some inspiration Edited October 20, 2009 by adamt
delajoonal Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 i was in a 3 year relationship, ready to settle down and get a house together and we split up over 4 months ago. i was heart broken and devastated. I was in a right mess.I couldnt sleep or eat. I would break down sometimes.I know how you feel. I thought i would never find anyone better and i would have done anything to get her back. But i stayed in NC since the split, went cold turkey. started to climb way out of the big dark hole. I focused on myself and slowly i started to climb up that dark hole. I caught up with old friends, get myself ultra busy, socialised more, took up new hobbies and joined a gym and got into shape. started reading books. started to eat super healthy. as i got into shape my confidence started to come back. I started buying new clothes. I started to enjoy little things i never thought i would enjoy. i was getitng stronger and stronger. I was determined to move on and that i had to move on. life is just too short. I would not my ex keep me depressed then last week i decided i needed to meet someone else to finally move on. I was frustrated lack of opportunities in bars(i'm 38). so i joined at dating website recommended by someone at work who found his girlfriend on there. On this one you get a friend to write profile on you. Anyway after 1 day i had 15 women interested in me. After a week have 40(but non of my picks have responded!lol!) then on the 2nd day, i was about to log off and a stunning blonde blue eyed girl added me. Surely some mistake?was i on the wrong page? had she clicked me by mistake? apparently not! i returned a message. she responded. turns out we have similar interests. We have not yet dicussed meeting up but what ever the outcome it had helped me move on. I think about this new girl more than the ex. it has boosted my confidence. there are about 600 pages with 10 profiles on each page for london, yet she picked me out. All i would recommend is, work on yourself. forget about anyone else or meeting someone new. that will come with time as you heal. what you need to do is take up loads of hobbies,sports,get into shape. begin to be happy with a smile on your face(no one wants to go out with a sad looking person) try new hobbies. so when you talk to someone they think you are an interesting person. that will help to get them attracted to you. you will have lots to talk about. look happy and confident! look to expand your social circle and take up new opportunities to meet people. good luck! be determined to move on! You will get there. i am nearly there now. i hope this gives you some inspiration GREAT story adamt... sounds like you really worked super HARD to get out of that funk... good for you! you will have to keep us posted on the blone blue eyed beauty!
adamt Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 GREAT story adamt... sounds like you really worked super HARD to get out of that funk... good for you! you will have to keep us posted on the blone blue eyed beauty! Thanks, the nervousness and excitement of the potential first date is back. I remember posting four months ago when my head was messed up. have a search on my username back then. it does feel like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulder now. the ball and chain has gone. You know what, on saturday i went out to a club with friends had a few drinks and felt the happiest i have felt since before the split, i noticed that more girls were noticing me. I guess it is the 6th sense of knowing when someone is happy and fun to be with. Until recently i was dreading new year's eve. maybe if things work out i may have a good new year. lets hope i am not putting the kiss of death on it now! It is not easy to move on, plenty of up and down days until recently. but you will move on eventually. but to do so has to come from within yourself and you really do want to move on. You can't move on until you lose that false hope. And you know what, just maybe things do really happen for a reason. anyway i've over done the happy pills today
NSW768 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 thats great adamt. i gotta lose the hope. thats what holds so many of us back. and colliflower, fake it till you make it, when your around him at work. act like you dont care at all. and are the happiest youve ever been. his loss.
Angel1111 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 It's the suckiest feeling in the world, this heartache and pain. Like a dull thud in the pit of your stomach. It does take a long time to heal but you will heal. I wish there was a pill to speed things up. What happened in your relationship? Why did he end it?
delajoonal Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Thanks, the nervousness and excitement of the potential first date is back. I remember posting four months ago when my head was messed up. have a search on my username back then. it does feel like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulder now. the ball and chain has gone. You know what, on saturday i went out to a club with friends had a few drinks and felt the happiest i have felt since before the split, i noticed that more girls were noticing me. I guess it is the 6th sense of knowing when someone is happy and fun to be with. Until recently i was dreading new year's eve. maybe if things work out i may have a good new year. lets hope i am not putting the kiss of death on it now! It is not easy to move on, plenty of up and down days until recently. but you will move on eventually. but to do so has to come from within yourself and you really do want to move on. You can't move on until you lose that false hope. And you know what, just maybe things do really happen for a reason. anyway i've over done the happy pills today adamt..you have not over done on the Happy Pills today..LOL you are working one of the hardest things life can throw at us...some would say even harder than death...as there is closure there. with break ups/divorces, etc...there are SO many darn emotions to run thru and well...it takes time and alot of hard work..and you adamt...have proven to us all, that YES IT can be done..with time, willingness to let go and move on... (btw, i a myself am still stuck in..lol) so your post gives me great hope and makes me smile and i am sincerely happy for you and anyone on LS that can get thru these divorces and move on and become happy and productive and even find new love's...after all, isn't that what LS is for;) congrats! on all your hard work and keep posting..so folks like me, who need alot of work, know that IT can be done;) p.s. don't forget...keep us posted on that blonde hair blue eyed beauty? it gives us all hope in finding OUR new loves and interests too;) take care..
Recommended Posts